YUP and its not going to well LOL been so long since I did this and now I know why I NEVER lie ICK I hate this feeling .
WHY? well for a few reason partly to motivate a few people into getting involved in our prospecting claim and another to show up someone but its all fake and I'm a fraud once again
So I admitted it to a few people and I round about way admitted it to a few others but I think one person is going to be real angry hope my intentions are considered once I tell him
AND I am going to be watching ME closely now this is a sign things inside aren't so great, problems with my relationship and just a ugly feeling going on inside, Ahhh the life of an addict aint dis juss grand
Hey BigV its amazin aint it when 1(of our numerous)defects pops up how in recovery we feel the sting(in oblivion didnt mean much).. the good thing is you are aware of "shaky ground" and workin to stabilize .it'll be all good because you are aware.I keep doin this "whats comin next thing' putting me in the next time zone and not the day""thats why we "keep workin the process...peace! talk to you on the rebound mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I keep saying to myself that honesty is the antidote to diseased thinking !
Looking at my past, it's absurd ad insane why I clung onto those "white lies" when to speak the truth would have been easier, simpler and most probably more rewarding !
God's sake, it's got to change. What I mean is what I draw inspiration from ! I loved the way dishonest, angry people seemingly get away with all that till I relized that too was a bluff ! Ive come to believe that no matter who, dishonesty always catches up. I also believe that in my own personality, the defect of anger, lust, greed etc. come into polay when I am dishonest !
However Ive also come to beleiev that this being a Spiritual rogram is a boon for an addict like me !.
Ive heard a chap the other day, broadcasting into a public address system, the following words from a religious text= "Even one lie makes you a liar, one murder makes you a murderer and one instance of theiving makes you a thief "!
Well, the chaps obviously confused or trying to get "sinners" to convert to his way of thinking quickly. The same religion that he was quoting from differentiates between the venial and cardinal sins,,,,implying that venial sins like anger, lust, greed, gluttoiny etc. will eventually lead to the cardinal sins. It is also an accepted given that venial sins are forgiven easily but once into the realm of cardinal sins, then there is no redemption from that !
Yes society we live in will never take lightly of those offences that are a result of allowing a venial sin to progress to a cardinal one !
I pray to God to restore me to sanity that is Serenity, simply cause anger, I realize has an agena of it's own. I have no control whatsoever,,, the outcomes of these defects are unpredictable.
Each week, I have demonstrations to that effect in my life ; how when the diease of addiction, manifested as defects in clean time, wreck havoc on mtine and others life,,, it's harm, harm, harm all the way !
And in through my own experience, Ive realized it's the first lie, bluff, white lie etc that causes the harm. One lie is too much and even a thousand after that will not convince someone who has discovered that I was telling a lie. The insanity of it is it s easier and simpler and more winning to say the truth and stay huimble about wrongs !
Seems thats the exact point that God will intervene on my behalf,,,,
God help me pray everyday to stay away from the lie.
" the deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of oiurselves !!!" the co-founder of the 12 Step Tradition once stated ! Im an addict, I will always be an addict and I always want to be in recovery and as long as I stay honest, just for today,I know Ill make it by the Grace of God !
-- Edited by Raman on Thursday 11th of June 2009 03:04:37 PM
-- Edited by Raman on Thursday 11th of June 2009 03:05:52 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I started making amends this afternoon so far I have been laughed at quite a bit for my silliness but this has been an important lesson. I guess prospectors are known to be a bit dishonest I have seen some of this in the last 3 years since I started this hobbie and it does break up friendships at times thats one thing that concerned me because I am meeting some pretty nice guys thus far .
Telling a lie sucks. You did the right thing by coming clean with the people you lied to. That is one of the many things I hated about myself when I was using.
Ken H.
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God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
I guess prospectors are known to be a bit dishonest I have seen some of this in the last 3 years since I started this hobbie and it does break up friendships at times thats one thing that concerned me because I am meeting some pretty nice guys thus far .
BigV, It's a bit like gambling. You invest your time and money in the hopes of making money against some steep odds, and when you do make a find there is I'm sure a high that comes with it. Also I'm sure there are those that would ridicule you about wasting your time and resources and their lies the temptation to embellish. I am impressed that you call it a hobby, that shows that your expectations are to just have fun and maybe break even. The thing to watch is the obsession about it. How you think about it when your not actually there, when your mind should be on other things. That's when it's mood altering.
I have been 3 weekends in a row and this was the last time for awhile that I am going plus I have work coming up which as you know I get obsessed with doing also LOL just about everything I get into I end up with some sort of obsession.
Ken this took me back to my using days that's for sure and not a good feeling, we're all laughing about it now and no one took it personally probably because they've all done it some time or another, one guy said he even admired me for getting honest but I am still at the butt end of a few pokes and jokes now, Mr can't be trusted is my new nickname LOL.
Vini you lied? no way! i don't believe that.... well maybe i do. we all lie.somteims about big things and sometimes about little nothings. i dont know what im trying to say goodbye. haha
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
AMEN
