I'm not sure if this is where my introductory thread goes, but.... Hi everyone! My name is Steve and I am an addict. I am clean today, and it's only thanks to the god of my understanding & the fellowship. I used for 23 years, and honestly, some of the times were alot of fun. Later on, the fun times were very few & far between, and at the end the pain of using was far worse than the pain of staying clean. I went in & out of the rooms for a year & a half. I eventually had to leave my home (well, at the time it was my home) and my children, and returned to the area in which I was raised. I miss my daughters terribly, but I am clean, and doing the work that I need to do to be a part of their lives again. Im 39, in college for the first time, and am actually doing well. I am still more stubborn than I would like, and still struggle with my defects . Procrastination seems to be a recurring theme, and now that I am a student, it can be particularly difficult. My level of patience has improved, though not as quickly as I would like. My sponsor repeats phrases like 'give time time' and 'things I must earn', and I generally do not want to hear them. I have my own evidence, however, that good things do happen. They are just not happening on MY schedule. I am clean today, and if it's part of 'the plan' for me to wake up tomorrow, I will do my best to practice the principles in all of my affairs.... Oh, the avatar is Kihei. I plan on calling that home eventually. We'll see if God's plans match mine in that respect.
Thanks for your honesty in saying you did enjoy your using.. I did too. i thought Id more good times than bad times in using and that only the last year of my using was real bad.
Well, one day a recovering addict who is also a top counsellor and has written a best selling book says "yes,, thats whats typically known as euphoric recall". So what happems during that euphoric recall is atht i tend to remember only the good times and rationalise the bad time in addiction.
At first I was shocked but later on, pon doing my 4th Step,the evidence was revealed; I believe now that the bad times, the withdrawls, the abuse and getting abused; in short the bad times really do outnumber the good ones !!
Thats what i try and turn over each time I begin to believe the contrary,, thereby setting me free of another mad experiment with drugs. No sir,,Im informed that i never have to use again, no matter what !!! And I certainly dont want to use,, ever again, just for today !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
. My sponsor repeats phrases like 'give time time' and 'things I must earn', and I generally do 
