hi, so i'm writting this to help with my grief. One week ago Ian h decided to pick up dope. This is a man who had many years before, and had come back and just got over 18months. I met Ian on my first day in narcotics annoymous, and he helped save my life. When i had no where to live, he found me a home. When i needed to talk he was there. We had our differences and in the past few months we weren't seeing eye to eye. I just assumed that we'd just eventually work things out. Luckly the last thing we said to each other , was "I love you, I just don't like you right now" The love was never gone. So Ian H pick up dope last week and on Saturday morning, he was found dead. Addiction stole him from NA. Ian didn't only help my recovery, he helped hundreds upon hundreds of recoverying addicts. My area recieved the news at the ontario region converence of narcotics annoymous, so we banded together and we will grief this pain together.... My lesson that i'm hearing from all of this you just dont use. no matter what just don't pick up... because sometimes it doesn't take long to kill you.... it only takes one..... so just don't use and life may get better.... today i learn the meaning "you always have a relapse in you, you just don't know if you get another recovery" please don't use thank you
-- Edited by drugfree on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 03:56:47 PM
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
I had a very close friend like a brother use after 5 years clean who died the day he used so I know the feeling to well.
I know this much I relapsed after over 5 years myself and made it back and it left no reservations in my mind that I may have had before to use is to die.
I hope others learn from this, this is part of the process of our journey learning from others mistakes and decisions , good and bad and its too damn bad it had to end this way but each person has choices once you've been introduced to this program, every alternative and tool is given for us to use, we don't use it we may use.
It was the over dose and subsequent death of my closest drinking and using buddy 20 years ago that helped get me out of the revolving door of recovery that I'd been stuck in for 2 years. Don't let your friend's death be in vain, he's trying to help you one more time, the best way that he knew how.
Dean
-- Edited by DeanC on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 06:35:15 PM
thank you for sharing your experiance.... i was always aware that addicts died from this disease... you just assume that it would never happen to someone you know... i've learned a valuable lesson from this.....and now i'm learning how to grieve without useing... thank you again
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Theres a neighbor kid here where I live he's 19 known him about 3 years had him working with me for 2 years as a helper took him fishing and dredging a lot too tired to get him away from home when I could and show him some fun and how to work. His mom was a drug addict I say was because she had some sort of fatal attack last sunday and she was brain dead for 24 hours and they pulled the plug last night.
HE's an addict too smokes a lot of pot drinks a little too, he hated his mother for everything she's put him through , he has a brother who's an addict been to jails and institutions now for years he's young and he has a sister whos an addict she's also a part time hooker she has 2 babys one lives with the other grandmother the other lived with the lady who just died. There Dad was killed by police about 18 yeas ago the kid was just a baby he was a junky too.
It's a MESS I feel helpless I knew his mother pretty well we had several talks I tried to reach out to her she lived off welfare all her life and did dope and layed in bed seldom getting up and out , 52 years old she's dead.
Funny thing the kid's been telling me his moms going to die soon for a year now so talking to him yesterday he's kinda emotionless, I spoke to him last night and it started to sink in, siad he miss's her feels guilty he's starting to have all the grief stuff I am going to stay close to him he stayed loaded all day yesterday all of them did .
HE told me last night the pot was his coping mechanism, I told him straight up that he should understand exactly what his mother was she did the best she could under the circumstances , her being a drug addict but she was selfish with her life , sometimes its like that and its unfortunate it had to be his mother he understands but I know theres kids that just want the simple things and thats Love and caring and comfort and knowing that there number 1 and when we're not we are hurt and we hide our pain by numbing it and thats what he's doing and thats what hurts watching it happening for me.
So I woke this morning thinking about all of this and even feeling loss , that addiction did take another person it got what it was after and its desproying more lives today and I am wondering how I can help ? and I know that I can't....
To the "Drugfree" Author of this completely false and slanderous blog that not only breaks my oldest and dear friend of 38 years' anonymity, but also Traditions 11 and 12.
And I quote: "One week ago Ian halbert decided to pick up dope. This is a man who had many years before, and had come back and just got over 18months."
Strange that even Ian H's family has not discovered the coroner's results; however, this imbecile, who is not only ignorant and a poor writer, wants us, her/his readers, to believe s/he's clairvoyant too.
The purpose of slandering a deceased brother--much loved and missed by many in our fellowship--proves what point dreadful writer? Other than your character defects, I mean.
i'm sorry you feel that this is slanderous..... we all hurt in different ways and in my post was to share the last finial lesson i've learned from ian, it was my way to grieve. I do not believe I broke any traditions, and that in death annoynity isn't an issue. We just don't forget and let him fall in the way side of the masses.... I was just sharing how i felt and what i said was not false nor lies...... again it was not meant to hurt just share ...... You know i take no offense on the judgements you make because the greiving processes is hard for us all.... I have had other close friends of ian read what i wrote and no one seemed to have an issue ... but we all have opinions... thank you for yours
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
I suggest you need to speak to your sponsor at the very least. Anonymity does not expire, ever--please show me in the Basic Text where it states that upon death it expires. Read Traditions 11 and 12. The assumptions you make regarding the source of Ian's death is atrocious. Have you no respect? Never talk ill of the dead sort of thing. What if I were one of his sisters or another family member--unawares of the lethal gossip that is circulating only to google his name and be lead here?
Sharing your reaction to Ian's passing is one thing, breaking his anonymity on a vast medium such as the Internet breaks Tradition 11 and 12 jointly.
Your lack of concern or regard for Ian's memory and for those living, who remain loyal and devoted family/friends, speaks to perhaps the reason for your not getting along with him recently. One always knows when one is not treated with respect, such as you display here.
Once again, I suggest you speak to your sponsor; after all, it's really NOT just about us, is it?
Final word. What's most troubling is how pervasive these slanderous comments are being spread. May I suggest a more humble approach. Yes, share your experience, by all means, by doing just that and leave Ian's memory, especially through the media, alone.
Drugfree, perhaps you should edit his name or at least his last name. It serves no purpose and I believe that Ann has a point about anonymity and the uncertainty of the man's death. I mean, were you there and a witness to his using drugs? And even so, how can you be sure of the cause of his death?
-- Edited by DeanC on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 03:00:50 PM
Thank you for your clarity of action and for revealing your first name as I did. To me, especially on media forums, this speaks of transparency while protecting your anonymity.
I thank you for your observations, questions and suggestions. Blessings, Ann
Hi Ann, and Welcome to our board. I'm sorry that this thread caused hard feelings. I thought about the listing of the person's full name when I first read the original post and thought oh no, but I'm not a moderator on this board (I am on the AA board next door ). I'm sure BigV will handle this later today (he's on West Coast time)
-- Edited by DeanC on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 03:18:50 PM
so after consideration, i have edited his name.... as for cause of death, i never specified on the exact means of death..... the post was not to be disrespectful, it was mearly to share my thought..... and Dean C, i would not just slander someone's name on shear gossip..... i would not of said what i said without the proper knowledge of the situation....sometimes i wonder how far do we go to protect an addict?
and big v has already seen the post.... i just think some people need to get angry at someone... and i seem to be a good target... but that's ok because i know my intentions in what i said... and i talk to my sponsor ... but again if you feel this was meant to be hurtful or disrespectful that was not my intention just your preception...
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Andrea, no one is angry just trying to communicate what's appropriate and what's not. One of ours has passed and what's the point of spelling out their name (and other details) and hurting his family and those that care about him just so that you can validate your feelings. I suggest you do a bit more editing.
-- Edited by DeanC on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 11:17:21 PM
Ok let's not get to out of control an error was made I didn't even catch it at first and part of it has been fixed, if another part of it needs fixing then do so drugfree if your speculating about his death then remove that part .
Ann we're all learning here and if someone makes an error then point it out without insulting them and name calling, thank you.
Remember place Principles before personalities no man/woman is greater or lesser then the next , we are all one drug/ drink whatever away from active addiction and this is why we group together and help each other out.
). I'm sure BigV will handle this later today (he's on West Coast time)
