hey everyone! mikef here.wanted to run this by you,something i discussed with my 23 year old son other day...my son been "clean" of his drug of choice(heroin) for about 21 months now.he came back out of jail in nov.2008 after couple years of drug court.TC'S,REHAB'S(LIKE 5 OF THEM)etc..he is now doing suboxene maintenance and seeing shrink for anxiety /depression etc..takes paxil/adderall/suboxene/now zanax and so on.i have discussed NA with him a few times and he is very resistant to the 12 step program scenario.he basically has lived our 1st 3 steps but does not feel it is what he wants in his recovery.he says wants to have 1 on 1 sessions with psych doctor(doesnt want to open up in groups./says he is more comfortable with a woman dr./doesnt trust people with is deep secrets and says that he is working his recovery in his own way.as a parent and an addict I see isolation/drug substituting/and a lot of denial.i have previously mentioned that i am 25 years "clean" in dec 2009 and spent almost 24 of those years without working a program consistently..i do definitely know now the difference between abstinence and working in recovery but i am also almost 62 years..the best thing that is happening now is we are discussing what is up with both of us.my family thinks we fight all the time but like we both now agree we are finally getting to know each other.he is not the little boy that left the planet for the last 11 years that i remembered.what i guess im saying is i can understand better now where he is coming from and know(as i always have) that he must do what works for him.i just wanted to share that as i am very sure i am not the only addict here with a son or family member who is also in "abstinence" and trying his own way of recovery.the lines are so crossed when we bring in our children and loved ones even though we know what it takes to "do the work"we have both grown light years since our last"fight!!!"we both learned a lot about each other.honesty ,openmindedness and willingness just aint words,they are the real deal..thanks for listening i'll check back in on the rebound peace mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
My Dad got into recovery long before I did and he tried to help me but saw the hopelesness of his efforts.
I remember him telling me that fear was going tobe a huge factor in my getting clean and I laughed in his face, well as time went by fear did become a the factor.
The fear of where my life had been going and was going the fear of dying an addict alcoholics death, the fear of being homeless and destitute , the fear of spending all my days locked in prison.
In recovery my dad put a gun to my head and said he'd be doing everyone a favor just shooting me, that's how far and how frustrated with me he got.
Today things are mighty different we have a friendship and understanding we stand on the same ground for once in our lives, we know what that other life did to us and does to others we talk of it frequently together shaking heads, saddened by our pasts but we live in today best we can firm in our places now.
I say don't press, its taken him this long to get this far and theres a reason for where he's at let him find his way let his higher power guide him, it's a personal journey for each individual , we are supposed to set an example for others.
thanks for sharing and I agree he definitely needs to work his own program. The blessing of all this is we are now communicating at a level that is beneficial to each of us..the best that i can do is continue to work my program of recovery and when he is ready for "recovery " and not just abstinence it will be his call. i am who i am today because of where i come from,i believe its where the God of my understandiing has guided me.... to have him back from the grips of death is one thing that i am very thankful for because we werent sure he was going to make it.working our program(steps) and putting them into play (powerless in both cases) detaching with love(never heard of that before)and letting go and letting God have to be internalized .this old hardhead gotta walk the talk.thanks for getting honest and caring.talk to you again on the rebound peace mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi Mike, glad to know that you and your son have finally are interacting and getting to know each other more intimately now That's a great blessing indeed!
I've also had similar experiences with my younger sister who is 16 years younger to me. So, I had a tough time especially in the last few years to have to deal with a teenager (her 16-19 years age period). From the last one year or so, I've learnt to let go of my fears in her context, believing that she would be taken care of by her Higher Power just like I was, as you, Raman and Vini also shared above... Now, we both share a more trusting and intimate relationship, like friends... Not only is she able to express everything that's happening in her life with me without fear of being adviced, controlled, admonished or ridiculed, I have also found that I can share my feelings and situations to her too, as part of my support system... and she seems to have learnt a lot, through her experiences alone, and at times, she surprises me when I share my problem with her and she gives me back what I tried to give her over the years - the principles of this program
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
hey tahir! yeah thanks.some times we just got to say out loud what we know so we can see it and hear it..thanks for taking time to share and let me get to know you a bit.peace mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
