Hello. I am new to NA and it has taken me a very long time to finally want to overcome this addiction. I am a 29 year old female and have been using marijuana daily since I was 14 years old. All these years I felt like I can function in the real world and have made many accomplishments. However, I made a lifestyle out of smoking marijuana. I struggled for many years working and going to school since I was 20 while maintaing this habit. In March, I was student teaching for my last semester and I found it very hard to get up in the morning and leave without smoking pot. The student teaching arrangement was not a positive factor either but of course my crutch did not help. The stress of the last semester, student teaching, and my weakness led to having a panic attack one morning while driving to the school where my body was communicating to me to give up. I had to withdrawl from school and now I won't be graduating next week which has made me very depressed to the point where I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I have a boyfriend who lives 6 hours away and all I do is think about when I will go to see him again. I feel like I have set my life around it since we started seeing eachother around Christmas and it is different for me to be in a long distance relationship. However, the last time I visited, he was binge drinking and I was smoking pot which he does not like about me. I don't like it about myself either anymore when I used to love it and surround my life with it. I also noticed that the pot has caused issues in my prior relationships and some of my friends felt it was so out of control. I was arressted four times for pot, have lost my lisence a few times, and I still continued.I have had a drinking problem a few years ago but stopped easily. When I don't have pot, my anxiety gets out of control on top of the fact that I have OCD. I am so scared of what is happening to me, I feel like I am wasting my life away and a huge dissapointment to my family, friends, and myself. I also have many family issues, my mom is a huge pothead and my dad is a drama queen, and they divorced when I was five. I was going to go to a meeting this evening but I am a nervous wreck because I have never been. I also smoke ciggarettes, a lot. All I want is peace and to live a stable life so I can get married, have children, and be the best teacher I can be. This addiction has made me feel like I won't be able to live that dream. Someone, please talk to me.
Welcome Melodee, glad you are here with us. Keep coming back, it works, it does get better...
Through others in NA, here at this loving and caring family at MIP (Miracles In Progress), I've found the strength and hope that I needed to overcome many of my problems, crises and pain. I wish and pray the same for you.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hi Melodee,, My name is Raman and I am an addict. i was very touched by your sharing. It brings me back to the fact that we addicts are indeed powerless over addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable !! though in recovery for sometime,,Im not immune to attackes of unmanageablity.
This past year and a half I was in a relationship with a woman who was interesting enough for me I thought. Then I began to realize life was getting unmanageable because Id made an addiction out of her. I began craviong for her and my world became gloomy and depressed when she did not respond the way I thought she should have. Now Im at a point where I have let go completely, a thing I did on the behest of God as I understand speaking thru the concience of my Fellow members here in Miracles.
Next was unmanageablity cominmg to the fore in studies, mainly because of wishful thinking. I wanted results but did not know how to get them. then setbacks got mne to look for answers. I could find them only after repeated visits to tutors and takimg their guidance. I had to eat humble pie first,then went on to being humble enough to ask the right people and now Im hopeing that at least till the ebnd of my study here I wil remain in a state of humility. There were times when I was ready to stop studying if it interfered with my staying clean and recovery .
I realize that this day I never have to use again, no matter what and for no reason do I have to get mad at anything !! Life is much greater than resentents,regrets and angerand I want to live and enjoy life without the use of drugs. I try and rememberon a daily basis that I have no real contro over other people and their actions and that all I can do is clean my own act up ! I wish you a very happy Sunday and remember ,easy does it,,all that your heart desires will be given to you, just be patient and work the 12 Step Program, called recovery in Narcoitics Anonymous.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
welcome "big hug"!!!!you've have reached our first step!!keep coming back we are here to offer suggestions of things that have helped us in our journey.thanks for your honest sharing.are there any "meetings around your area? try and remember that it is our"reaction" to what we use that makes us different and not "what we use"we have an allergy to all mind altering mood changing substances. will look to hear more from you on the rebound peace mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thank you so much for all the support and kind words. Yesterday and today have been better days for me and I am relieved. And Raman- that is exactly how I feel with this relationship and I am gonna take your advice and focus more on myself. It is what it is and I can't change it or his drinking problem. I am gonna try to do an online meeting again tonight but I will get myself to a meeting this week.
Welcome aboard Melodee thanks for sharing this is kinda just like a meeting its about opening up and letting all that rumbles around in the brain out for some air and it does bring relief, thanks so much and keep taking care of Melodee.
Hope you've been doing the right things,,, like ????
staying clean, doing meetings (live or online) reading NA literature, writing a bit on oneself and feeings, talking to other recovering addicts before and after meetings !!! Then of course, contemplation,Meditation,prayer,,if indeed you are into that sort of thing.
I try nd remember that feelings are there for a reason ; sometimes those reasons maynot be entirely understandable. However, we are advised that instead of spending too much time on lengthy anaylsis,,it is better to use the tools / elements of the Recovery Program ; they are the only soultion to this dis-ease problem.
And what are those tools/ elements of the NA Program ?
staying clean, doing meetings (live or online) reading NA literature, writing a bit on oneself and feeings, talking to other recovering addicts before and after meetings !!! Then of course, contemplation,Meditation,prayer,,if indeed you are into that sort of thing.
Best of feelings to you this day,,,just for today,we never have to use again, no matter what ! Keep coming back it works if you work it, so work it, you're worth it ! (A British Fellowship rhyme that last bit,,,heh,heh,heh !!!)
-- Edited by Raman on Tuesday 12th of May 2009 05:33:44 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
hey melodee! mikef just checking in see how you are doin..hopefully you are continuing to work your program and finding some serenity in your life.easy does it,takes a day at a time to get in the groove...peace hope to hear from you again.mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
