Just like i was hateful of people when I was using and then in clean time till I worked the Steps,,I see the reverse happening now. No matter how much we may try and be good and kind and loving , some people will still be monsters. Like now in my study group,I have a bunch of students from a dictatorship, who are very dodgy,sly and basically weird to handle. I am at the end of this sesmester and hope I will never see them again,because Ill have to judge them again. Ive been cool with them but early misunderstandings due to language differences have kept us at a distance from each other and now reconciling hose differences does not seem possible. The latest episode of grave and extreme resentment is form them being very uncooperative in an assignment we had to work together on. This sentiment is shared with another group member. And now that it is coming to evaluation both of us are in fear that they will not be just inassessment,forcing us to be hard too. Age,cultural and language differences have had a compelling effect on all of us,,bringing in mutual hate,distrust and rancour...
Steps,Steps,Steps !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
The only Sense to make of it Raman is the ES&H you give to us. Watching you work through these things is a pleasure. Thank you for sharing it. Thanks for making us a part of your process .
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
Thank you for the empowering Anthony,,, in fact im now beggining to believe that I was too harsh in my judgement. And my life was unmanageable this morning because I allowed myself to be at the other end of someone else's defects; its taken me a long walk,sharing and hearing from caring addicts like you for me to come out that weird space. I am greatful for yall,,God Bless you,Anthony !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Raman, you posted my planned post for today...only the details are different!!!
The situation I'm dealing with includes people who are also toxic and hostile, and manipulated and sneaky. I am needing to layer on step after step after step, along with meditation, prayer, relaxation excercises, those long walks, the soothing cup of tea etc. etc.
I can't honestly say, tho, that I've attained enough relief from my judgmental thoughts to claim much spiritual progress on my part! Oh well, keep coming back, Lee!
2 funny...something must be going around!!
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
And my God yes,, those are the same things Im doing too,,walk, talk Meditate !! Talk Meditate is Meditating after talking about my feelings to "'whatevers out there" and waiting for a reply !
Had a fleeting resentment this day,but I quickly knew it didnt work,,so I just let it go. I think that being on the other end of someone elses defect is a real life thing,,However,,, it is my responsiblity to Step away !!
Also shared these feelings in a recovery meeting this evening !
Yes i thank you for sharing Lee,, you are already Blessed,, so God keep you blessed !!
-- Edited by Raman on Thursday 7th of May 2009 06:46:54 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
"Being on the other end of someone else's defect..."
God, I needed to hear that, thanks. I'm part of this spiritual school (Ashram) where a couple of veteran members did admonish me about just that, how at times being open about our spiritual awareness and growth to others who are quite not yet there can corrupt our own growth, how others' disbelief, judgements, scorn and envy can have a damaging effect on our own spiritual journey... I remember debating with them that it need not necessarily be so... Now I've come to realize in the last few months that it could be so
At times, I do build anger within, by being on the other end, to an extent where I sometimes end up giving into my addictive logic that this person needs a good beating from me the next time he messes around with me... lol... I was at the other end of someone's inappropriate behavior or, dare I say, sickness.
Until I heard a member share at the meeting the other day that humility is not really about trying to be polite but accepting the reality, the truth of my reality, as it is... I realized that I did not have to try to control my anger, by being polite etc. That I could be assertive, without being hurtful... That I could be tolerant, that I could actually see a little bit of myself in others when I tend to look at them condescendingly...
Also, something that my wife shared with me the other day from a book brought me back to what has always worked for me before. I do not recollect it exactly, but it goes something like this...
"Thanks to the unkind, I learnt kindness. Thanks to the intolerant, I learnt Tolerance... (it goes on a few more lines like this and ends with)... I learnt so many virtues only due to their presence in my life, yet how ungrateful and hateful I am towards them...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hey Raman, in situations like that communication is very important. People need to realize a "win-win" outcome from negotiating the work together. Some people are not team players, that's just life.
And yes, Ive been communicating that cooperation is the best bet for our groups success,,they have committed to a win-win,,,only time will tell, when the marks are given if they have been true to their words !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
In fact, Communications has been one of our Issue Discussion Topics worldwide for this WSC Cycle. We had a workshop on this topic half a year back... lots of beneficial tools available when we actually study our 12 Traditions and Concepts of service in depth, could be used as part of one's personal recovery tools anytime, very practical and uncomplicated... I guess the conflicts/misunderstandings take place in a group setting be it the Area Service Committee, or with loved ones at home, when one deviates from these principles contained in the Program, and goes in other alternative, short-cut ways... The trouble I've observed comes from not embracing the principles, but when they are rejected as a beneificial path of working together...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Yes quite true in the context of NA and related but what about the outside world ?
I liken that to playing a game, the two sides in a game are in the knowledge of how a game is played, finer points and most importanatly to this discussion, the rules.
The rules are understood and accepted by both sides as the norm for behaviour.
That co-relates with behaviour in NA, we know the price we have to pay iwhen we dont follow the Seps,Traditions and Concepts in all our affairs. And that is reciprocated by other NA members and so we live in an atmosphere of mutual responsibility.
In the NA context, boith parties are conversant and observant of the nomrs of conduct deemed as acceptable and in line with recovery.
However, the poutsiude world may not be guided by the same Principles as we , th erefore I find that it is upto me to lead in that direction, and if they do not follow, I have to research how to communicate. The appropriate behaviours we learn and the modes of communication we develop may not be transferable in context of the "outside" realms,,,,,, thatis the current challenge for me !!!
And I place the Steps ahead of all else,,, "the Steps are the solution" !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Yep, it begins with me in the outside world, and over time, sometimes if not always, I have found others reciprocate too, to my utter surprise, I can hear my sisters or my non-addict friends from the outside at times talk about the principles and perspectives that I practice with them... the wonder and gratitude when I witness this, is just too overwhelming, as if my HP is giving me clear evidence of the power of the program, through the outside world...
At other times, when such approach based on our program doesn't seem to work in the outside world, like you shared Raman, working the Steps is the solution there, as that removes any doubts that it ain't workin' coz it does, not for the others involved, but for myself...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Yes Tahir,, and that is when my level of acceptance is tested,,what a reward when I can accept what I first thought was un-acceptable.
I remember my first sponsor in Fellowship who used to say "Emotional recovery begins and stays when one can accept the unacceptable", and "love the unlovable" , i used to add !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Raman, you posted my planned post for today...only the details are different!!! 
