Welcome to the forum. Remember we are not Doctors, however, this is the right place to get you off of the "sobos" for good. Where do you live? Maybe we could get you an intergroup phone number for that place.

Do you have a desire to stop using all together?

well i am from RI but i dont have insurance right now so getting my clonidines from my doc wud cost me like 135 dollars so im doing it on my own, i was only asking your opinion on takin the clonidine and if that alone will keep the wd symptoms to a minimum, as far as gettin off the clonidines i cud care less, im not hookd on them, i only take em so i wont have bad withdrwals, once they r gone so r the clonidine, i know they arent addictive

hey thnx for the feedback, my fear of withdrawal is just cuz i cant stand it, i know it effects ery1 differently, well in my case it fuckin sucks, i cant do anything, cant go see my gurl, cant leave my bed but cant sleep either, i dunno ive been through this b4 with the OCs but thats prolly why im scared, cuz that was ridic, i thought i was gonna die, i was fuckd up bad for like 3 weeks like real bad thought i had cancer or suttin lol, so i am just afraid of feeling like that again, and it really pisses me off that the fuckin medicine to get off the OCs is just as bad as the fuckn pillz!

thnx dean i appreciate it, i know it wont last forever just fuckin sux, like im tellin u sumthin u dont know lol  i dunno i guess it just makes me feel better talkin to sum1 about it that can relate, i took like a sixtenth of my suboxin today and it was my last piece, i have like 80 more at the pharmacy but i am not ever gonna spend any more money on that shit so i am done, i also took a clonidine this mornin and ima take 1 b4 i go to bed to help me sleep and ease a lil of my withdrawals, any advice u cud give me about other stuff that helps wudb greatly appreciated

Drink lots of water to flush your body out. You should be able to google for aids to withdrawal symptoms from opiates and come up with alot. Seems like you might want to take some advil for mucsle pain, but I don't know for sure. I did a lot of drugs back when, but my drug of choice was mostly alcohol, so honestly I never had to bad, not more than 2-3 days of feeling like crap. Hang in there it's worth it, you're worth it.

(((((Hugs)))))) Dean

thnx ery1 for erythn u said, im not really worried bout relapsing cuz im way past that point, the only reason i been takin the sobos for the past 2 months wuz so i wudnt get sick cuz im afraid to feel like that again, but if i didnt do it i wud b on it forever, so i wnna b bettter sooner than later, im on day 2 right now, kinda waitn for sumthin else to happen, i feel like shit but i dont feel anywhere near how i felt wen comin off the OCs so ill keep u updated eryday and let u know how i am makin out, my main problem right now is sleep, i cant fuckin sleep for more than 5 min i cant stand it, sum1 said trazodone, but i was readin about it and didnt like wut i saw, maybe ill; just take a few tylenol pms or suttin

lol yea that shit prolly wud put me to sleep lol i just got sum trazodone to help me sleep i might try that

hey its wed nite now still day 3  i think im strtn to feel betta but not by much so its tough to say  i def feel betta than i did this morning, i got sum tylenol pms so ima try and take like 3 of them and hopefully get sum sleep tonite!  i really donty feel all that bad though i have sum body aches still constantly and the chills and i cant sleep, other than that i think im slowly strtn to feel betta, ill hit u up 2mro for an update

hey thnx for your 2 cents lol i appreciate it , day 4 now just got up, slept for maybe a half hour last nite and woke up sweatin around my neck again, i cant sleep cuz my fuckin arms r crawlin like crazy, i cant keep them still for more than 15 sec its driving me nuts! as far as the pot goes i been smokin since i was 13 yrs old, pot is the least of my problems, and if it helps me get off the fuckin opiates then of course im gonna use it, gettin off that shit is my main objective right now

no doubt dean im with u 100 percent, i feel like fuckin shit today, im from RI and its been rainin all week u think that makes my aches even worse?  its been since monday i havent taken anything, im just wondering how long till u think ill strt feelin a lil better and b able to sleep!? cuz thats the fuckin worst, i toss and turn ALL night long i want to jump outta my skin, whens this gonna get betta???

really? thats cool bro, yea i hope its almost over, wen i read posts i c that sumtimes people say they r still withdrawing after 2 weeks and that fuckin scares me, but i also read that day 4 and 5 r the worst and u get better after that, it just sucks not knowing wen ur gonna b ok again, but im too far into it now to turn back, fuck i have 2 sobos sittin in my house right now and i dont care about them at all, i neva want to touch that shit again, u hear wut im sayin? i still quit wen i had 2 more sittin in my house that wuda lasted me like 2 weeks lol, i am so fed up wit this bullshit, im fuckin done,  where r u from now?

thnks dean, thats awesome i wud love to live in florida, i just got up, ell i was up all nite but i got up at 430 and came to watch tv and smoke a bowl, i strtd takin ib pruphren for my aches and god damn it workd wonders, and so i was watchn tv and i was around 6, i strtd noticing myself doze off so i went to bed and slept for a fuckin hour! i still feel like crap but i think i feel better than yesterday and i didnt toss and turn so much i knockd all my blankets off the bed lol so wut u think? u think it has begun?? am i strtn to improve??

yea all that water im drinkin! lol i do have sum vitamins, i got vitamin c and vitamin b12 which says to promote healthy nerve develpment or suttin and also b50 but that one says it helps convert food into energy, i dont want energy i want sleep! lol so u what of those do u think i shud take?

really?? i thought it was just for healthy nerve maitenance  and thats my problem why i cant stay still  i take it in the morning

no doubt dean it has really helpd me talkin to u about this i look forward to comin on here ery time i wake up to see wut u wrote, u made me feel a whole lot betta man, im 27 andhopefully this will b the last time i do this thnx to u bro, aight ill drop the b12 lol im eatin a lot of pasta and chicken tonitei only took a clonidine this mornin, i usually take 3 a day and i havent tAken any as of this mornin and i dont think i need it anymore, a ibpruphren 600 tonite and thats it! hopefully ill get sum sleep  the body aches r down so i am prayin to b able to sleep tonite we will soon find out

hey dean, its fuckn 1230 right now and i am so tired i thought i wud fall right asleep but my legs r keepin me up now i cant keep em still, looks like its gonna b another sleepless nite

Hey Lexm, I'm going to the mountains today for a week, and my internet opportunities there are rare. The dial up in my trailer isn't worth logging on for. So some others here will have to help talk you through this. I hit a internet cafe mid week to check in. Hang in there.

Dean

Steps One, Two & Three could help... Admitting I'm powerless over my sleep condition, that I cannot control myself into sleeping, that if I try to do so, I would hit more unmanageability in my sleep situation... coming to believe that a Higher Power could and would restore my sleep to normality, making a decision to trust in this, and turning over the sleep situation to a Higher Power's care... Embracing this process to any of my life situations eases me into acceptance and surrender, which in turn puts the issue into its proper place, taking away most of the intensity, frustration, control and instant gratification that I make use of out of the situation...

At times, in life and recovery, I've realized that the solution is not to eliminate the problem as no part of creation and humankind is exempt from it. Recovery is not about living problem-free, it's about living inspite of the problems I have an incurable illness that might push my liver to fail in future. I do suffer from this illness' symptoms every now and then, on a daily basis. Now, the solution is not to somehow wish my illness away, coz it's not gonna go away... the solution is to make the most of my health and wellbeing, living inspite of this condition, and still find meaning and purpose in life, to find zeal and enthusiasm in my daily life... As they say in the fellowship - problems/pain might be a reality, a necessity at times in life, but misery is optional...

Ok, now what helped me cope with my sleep issues, when I reached out for help as my Second Step asked me to is:

- Jogging/Walking in the late afternoon/evening that can give me enough physical exhaustion to fall asleep.

- Indulging in one physical activity everyday that could make my body spent enough to need rest.

- Taking a warm shower just before hitting bed.

- Drinking a cup of warm milk after the shower.

- Making a commitment to start the day early in the morning everyday and stick to it whether I slept well, or I slept only for a few hours, or I did not sleep at all. Waking up early and living a full, long day, I've seen brings my sleeping time earlier too as a consequence.

- Having a daily plan of action helps too, like sorting/cleaning up the mess in my room or getting something which is out of order fixed, making a meeting (go early and stay late).

- sharing my problem with others in NA meetings, and also one-on-one with members after the meeting. You never know the amount of suggestions and ways to cope that can come out of other addicts' experiences. Many times, I was amazed.

- Listening to music for relaxation (This currently I feel very useful, so I guess I can suggest this to you too - see if you can get hold of Swami Sachidananda's Music for Relaxation CDs)

- not watching TV while trying to sleep (especially movies/tv shows filled with emotional drama, violence etc.)

- A closing prayer thanking my Higher Power for a day clean and for the strength to face all the difficulties just before closing my eyes helps me too.

And yes, one more suggestion that helped me a lot When you have been struggling to sleep for an hour or two, try reading NA literature in the bed without getting up. One or two things might happen hopefully - I get amazed at such times how what's written by addicts in these books based on their experiences is so true, it gives me lots of strength and hope. I tend to understand it more clearly, every line that I have read before gives me new insight and meaning at these times.

You might be wondering what might be the second thing that can happen - I become sleepy as sleeping seems more appealing at times than to try to read NA literature sincerely... lol...

-- Edited by Tahir on Saturday 9th of May 2009 11:17:24 PM

Welcome and careful about what you take no sense going all this way to fall backwards again and later have to go through it all over again or maybe never make it back.

Get to some meetings out there find out what the program is and keep sharing Lex

These lines from our literature has personally helped me a lot in similar early recovery issues that I had to go through...

"The power of the disease of addiction cannot be underestimated. Regardless of how we work our
mental and spiritual program of recovery, we may react to medication like we did when using drugs. It doesnt matter what the medication is or whether it was our drug of choice. Any medication may unleash the craving and the compulsion that haunted us while we were using. Our experience has shown that no drugs are risk-free for us."

"Over-the-counter drugs can also pose a very real threat to us. Even though some over-the-counter drugs are marked non-narcotic, they may be mood-altering. It is important that we
consider their use as carefully as the use of any other medication. Any drug, prescription or nonprescription, has the potential to be abused."

"It may help to admit that we are also powerless over the feelings we experience when we are ill."

-- Edited by Tahir on Monday 11th of May 2009 06:18:04 AM

and i wantd to ask, why 2 nites ago wen i took the ambien it actually workd for me but wen i took it last nite it didnt do a fuckin thing??

LExmATik1 wrote:

---

i def hear u bro, i am so powerless over anythn when im goin through this shit, other than not takin anythin else, i have a lot of powewr wen i comes to that,  im in no way afraid ill do it again, thats not my issue, just want this feelin to go away thats all   if it took a year so b it i still wudnt pick up again, cuz then id b back at square 1 and ive come to far

---

Lex, just a question, if I may

You say you won't do it again... But is it not so that you are already doing it again? By taking something to fix your living problem (sleep)? You say you wouldn't pick up again, but you picked Ambien the other night and now you are about to pick up another one as you share above... Isn't it back to square one already? I express all this with care for you, my dear friend, not for any other reason.

I also believe that every one of us is exactly where they are supposed to be, picking up that loving message and revelation from our Higher Power through whatever we might be thinking, feeling and acting on at a particular point in time. I had my experiences that resulted in the realizations that led me to where I am. And so it is for you, and for everybody else... it's just my urgency to connect to another suffering soul and my impatience/fear that another might have to go through what I went through... But then hey, I have come to admit and believe what I have only because of what I went through, so who's to say that you must not

Best wishes and Prayers brother, keep coming back, together we can accomplish what I cannot do alone, fellowship hugs and love.

thnx bro and no doubt, im out the house ery day now, i was out all day today, i enjoy my days right now but when i come home fuckin exuahsted i cant sleep, and the RLS sucks but its not in my legs its in my arms, yea i gave up on the sleepin pills, and no i wasnt trading a pill for a pill, i had like 3 of em and i was gonna use em for a few nites thats it, believe me, if i wantd to depend on a fuckin pill for anythin i wuda stayd on that crap, but i dont so im not sorried about fuckin ambien, it sucks anyway lol, its 145 am right now, and my arms r goin nuts, so i gotta work out for a half hour at 2 in the morn, awesome lol, but ery day does get betta just a lil bit, and even though im sick i already feel betta than i did when i was on that shit, even all my friends say they already notice a huge diff in me

thnx mang

deannnn!!!!!!! u r back finally, u have fun in the mountains?? i dont go to meetings cuz im on anotha level than those people i think, they dont go to get off the shit, they go to STAY off it, ive been b4 wen i got off the ocs, and to each his own i think, sum people it works great and for others not so much, i am on anotha level homie, im not worried bout gettin more fuckin pills, they ruined the last 6 yrs of my life, and i know that if i ever did pick up that i wud feel so good that i wudnt wanna b without it again, im not stupid, i knowi have a addictive personality and i know i cant just take suttin once in a while, and i know wut ur sayin, well this is the 2nd time ur doin this so wut makes it diff?, wut makes it diff is b4 i was still a fuckin kid and thought i was cool and got the boxins to get high cuz they were legal, i didnt get them to actually stay off anythin, i wasnt ready to quit, but now that i see how much my life has been turnd upside down i realize wut a fuckup ive been

Hey Man, regarding " don't go to meetings cuz im on anotha level than those people I think, they don't go to get off the shit, they go to STAY off it". Thats kinda the point isn't it. If people only went to meetings to get off and then never came back then there wouldn't be any people around with decent clean time to prove that the program works.
I would suggest that you do give meetings ago. I don't like everyone at the meetings I go to and I don't have to either. There is usually at least one person that shares that I get something from. Your not going to turn into a freak or something. That was one of my fears when I first went; that I'd turn into a 'square' or a '12-stepping freak'. But if I was honest with myself, I wasn't exactly a picture of cool anyway, picking up my methadone, working; going home and smoking weed in front of the box untill I fell asleep on the couch.
I sense that you seem pretty pissed off at the moment (with yourself, the world, drugs, whatever?). I would just kindly suggest that you be caredful bro because Iv'e never met anyone that has stayed clean by themselves and alot of my friends that said they could and would do it without meetings or whatever....... well there dead.
But anyway, its good to read your posts and see that your feeling a little better every time theres a new one. Go back and read your first one and you might be surprised at how far youve come. Keep it up. And if you don't do meetings at least keep coming here.

hi! it is awesome that you are staying connected here Lex:) This is my two cents.... I hear you separating yourself in regards to going to meetings and all... For me it came down to whether or not I believed that the reason I use is because I have a PROGRESSIVE DISEASE of addiction that requires ongoing treatment. I didn't necessarily believe this at first because well, its a hard concept to grasp when your fresh outta active addiction.... but I was willing to believe that maybe, just maybe I have this disease or Dis Ease *(as my sponsor puts it:) and this is why I continue to pick up again and again. i was able to stop. I just wasn't able to stay stopped. So yea, I go to meetings to stay clean. i was able to stay abstinent for long periods of time without recovery. I always went back. But that's my story... and a few others' here right?? Holla! Love you Lex... Thank you for sharing your journey with us and i hope you'll humor us by trying meetings out again.. Please?? For us?? haha just kidding Attraction not promotion.... or begging for that matter:0 Peace friend- sending love and support your way (((hugs))))

o and is that u on ur picture?? that guy looks mad old is that ur man?? ill tty wen u hit me back  xoxo

thnx mike much appreciated, i hear u, if i eva felt the need to go cuz i cant handle it myself i wud, i worte a journal about my experience when i was going through the withdrawals to remind me never to b that stuipid again, suboxone is fucking crap, so if the doc wrote u a script of perks cuz u were gettin dope off the street that wud b the same fucking thing right? sum might say no its medicine, whatever ur body thinks its the same thing and u will get withdrawals even longer than if u took the perks, so they shud prolly just prescribe fuckin perks instead of sobos lol fuckin idiot doctors

Something I want to quickly add.... We don't use because we are "stupid". You are not stupid for having an addiction to a drug. And those of us who relapse don't do so because they are stupid but because they are unable to fully surrender to the fact that as addicts, they are powerless over substances. One is too many and a thousand is never enough..... I'm so not trying to fight with you ever!! I'd like to be friends and I think it is so awesome that you're reaching out... i also very very much appreciate your honesty:)

no doubt i feel u im not sayin the people r stupid at atll, i was sayin the docs r fucking stupid, if u read my post again u will c wut i wrote but of course people with a addiction arent fuckin stupid, i know its a hrd thing to get off of and stay off of but personally i am not powerless over it, i have the fuckng power, the fuckin pillz r the weak link i am a fuckin monsta, lol  those pillz r a lil bitch yappin in my ear tryn to get me to do shit lol i dunno, fuck dem thingz,

LExmATik1 wrote:

---

deannnn!!!!!!! u r back finally, u have fun in the mountains?? i dont go to meetings cuz im on anotha level than those people i think, they dont go to get off the shit, they go to STAY off it, ive been b4 wen i got off the ocs, and to each his own i think, sum people it works great and for others not so much, i am on anotha level homie, im not worried bout gettin more fuckin pills, they ruined the last 6 yrs of my life, and i know that if i ever did pick up that i wud feel so good that i wudnt wanna b without it again, im not stupid, i knowi have a addictive personality and i know i cant just take suttin once in a while, and i know wut ur sayin, well this is the 2nd time ur doin this so wut makes it diff?, wut makes it diff is b4 i was still a fuckin kid and thought i was cool and got the boxins to get high cuz they were legal, i didnt get them to actually stay off anythin, i wasnt ready to quit, but now that i see how much my life has been turnd upside down i realize wut a fuckup ive been

---

I just got back tonight.  I have dial up interwebz in my mountain trailer but it's some sorry excuse free service that roadrunner has for checking email out of town.  I takes about 6 tries to get connected,  so it took about an hour to make one post to your thread. 

 

im real good shawty thnku for askin , i just chillin wit the homies smokinblunts enjoying my fuckin life for once lol, i slept a few hours last nite, and passd out earlier when i was watchn the pineapple express, i woke up it felt like i slept for fuckn 20 hours i was all groggy and fuckd up for like a half hour hha, otha than that im pimpn   i got a real nice 2006 altima 3.5 a few months ago, and up until i stoppd takin that shit i finally realized wut i have and i love it, how u doing?

Hang in there Lexm.

-- Edited by DeanC on Monday 18th of May 2009 07:25:25 AM

-- Edited by DeanC on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 06:37:01 PM

you got it. just trying to help the only way I know how.

you seen to be trying to prove a point by saying that you can do it without meetings.
of all the addicts Ive know Ive never met one who has.
u seem to want it both ways, giving up the pills
and still being able to smoke weed. I have to agree with dean in that
really it very well could lead you back to the pills.
every time Ive cleaned upon my own it didn't take long
and I was right back there.
for all my good intentions Ive never been able to stay off by myself
u know its your choice at the end of the day. Its such a
crazy disease this addiction stuff. And I'm not one to say because you might
know from reading my other posts that im still on MMT (but I did give up the
weed) and really struggling with trying to stop abusing
it, getting real and getting clean. Your still young so maybe youve got
time to go around the block a few times. But good luck lex.


-- Edited by Hemi on Tuesday 19th of May 2009 05:13:42 PM

I can honestly say all those things you mentioned above?? For me, its ALL better with NO substances... But hey, that's just me:)

Hey Lexm,

If you don't want to quit, that's your business. All we can do is relate our experience to you for your future knowledge. We are more alike than we are different. Just consider this, to you the pills were The problem, to us the drugs are only a symptom of an inner problem. Sometime, when you're curious, ask yourself why do I have to smoke pot just to feel ok. And if you don't think that that is the case, quit smoking it for a couple weeks and see what that feels like. The reason we recommend quitting all drugs (when you are ready to) is to get down to how you feel about life and yourself, without the addition of mood altering substances, so that you can get in touch with what's eating at you. But you until you feel that that's necessary it's your business. If you can smoke weed and have a good life and are happy, my hats off to you. If it takes a turn for the worse, we're here for you.

Dean

  Hi...here's a bit of ESH from someone who smoked weed daily longer than you've been alive. It was the last thing I had that made me "me". I could drop it  anytime, don't cha know (sure, believe that & I have a bridge to sell u). And besides, it wasn't a problem (sure, believe that & I have a bridge to sell u). Except ironically enuf, for a so-called soft drug, I sure had a b**ch of a time without it.

No fancy heavy-duty physical wd, just a relentless, yearning, desire to get high and a terrible discomfort trying to function for any length of time without it. Drugs were so much a part of my self-concept and identity I ultimately felt naked and exposed when stripped of that very last one. I found it much easier to keep up the rationalizations and dismiss the wisdom of those in NA. 

I'm grateful that I was never averse to going to meetings (internet didn't even exist then LOL). I could have never finally gotten off the last drug on the list (the only one that I could stop anytime and wasn't a problem-that one) without the strength and support of the fellowship that's all about abstinence from all drugs. Yep, even little ole maryjane.

So my "tuf luv"   for today is to get over it now-give it up now-and save yourself a lot of grief later.



-- Edited by LeeU on Friday 22nd of May 2009 07:06:58 PM