I am a new student with limited sobriety and have only "officially" worked the first five steps with a sponsor but work all 12 in my daily life. The school does not have a counseling center to work through issues and I live isolated on a farm with no transportation and no way to get to meetings. I am concerned about this for my recovery and am afraid that I will quickly be a "dry drunk" per say and it may even endanger my sobriety. Just the other day I entertained the thought that a drink would be ok because I am not an alcoholic.... "stinkin thinkin"
That "I'm not an alcoholic" got me at one time. Thank God for NA where I learned about the disease of ADDICTION (I don't believe there are two separate diseases anymore).
Would the school perhaps allow you to start an NA meeting on campus? It's not hard to do and you can email me for details if you'd like. jana516@att.net
I'm concerned for you and your recovery too. Working this program without a sponsor is foolhardy. I needed a sponsor to help me get a real understanding of the steps and I needed to work them formally, to recognize my patterns and thought processes, before I could really apply them in my life.
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
Hi Dante,,, Im looking at the other side of this; studying in recovery is a thrill that never ends, Ive been doing certificates, diplomas, degrees and masters in recovery. Its fabulous that an addict that came in as an idiot,,stoned out my head and heavily addicted to smack,grass etcetcetc,,got to get educated. Im very pleased as it has increased my sense of self-worth like nothing else,,other than the Steps. Oh,by the way,,now that we ae on the subject of Steps,,I was guided and motivated to remember that inspite of all the money,property and prestige Ive gained,,recovey still comes first. I would not even dream of trading places,, so now,,each day and each nitght,,I conciously choose to stay clean and do the things i need to do ion order to stay clean and serene to. Best of luck with the studies and more importantly,,,the recovery ! Like someone once said "Hook your recovery to the highest star and let nothing come in between"
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Check NA's site for meetings-I think there are 2 within 6-8 miles of you, which means maybe a cheap used bike or a friend could get you there so you can build some contacts. Starting your own meeting at the school is a really great idea also. Also, given the subject you are studying, maybe there's a fellow student or instructor who could help out. (Personally, I'd be surprised if you were the only addict/alcoholic-whatever-in that degree program!)
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
If you call yourself an addict (an admission only you can make) then my friend you are an alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover. That's our litature.
My last tryst with drugs left me bare, and lasted nearly two mad years. Id been in a hospital,done a painful 30 day detox. Life was meaningless and depressing.
Then a pal came to visit me and asked me to join him for a beer. When i talked about the detox hed said "Oh no,,beer wont do anything". Trust me to trust another misinformed,malafide addict ! So that afternoon decided to go to a bar have a beer.
I had no money, so I asked ma. And when she looked askance,,id said "Im going to have just one beer with Sol". She look right at me and said "You've gone fully mad ". I was thinking "what the fuck does she know of my pain ?" I actually cursed her in mind for putting me thru that detox and the later restless days and nites and knew she couldnt know how a withdrawing addict feels.
At the bar, as that beer went down i noticed the pain going away. I then realized I was thinking "That feels great, why did i suffer that hell all these days ? I wish Id though of this before ."
I did not realize it then but id just walked into a classic trap,,thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs. Id just had what addiction scientisits call the "euphoric recall".
Oh boy was the progression quick,and before I kew it was back to smack and all its attendant misery. Me and my family lost all confidence that things would get better,,feelings of gloom,despair and despondency ruled the roost at home. I had no friends left, no dreams to dream anymore and each day was a constant tussle with ma to get money off her to keep the habit going. In fact one day i was planning on manufacturing the damn thing,,Id most probably have suceeded in doing that and being in jail for the rest of my life if id known how !! HP works in mysterious ways, many times through what is denied.
Luckily the hand of NA reached out to me,,,Thank God Ive never had to use again,no matter what !
Ive been informed,,Im greatful for that,, and want to be clean till after i die !!! Twill be a great thing to face the NEXT WORLD clean,,whenever that comes !!! And in the meanwhile Im hoping to have many years to stay alive and live and enjoy my recovery !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
