Why is it that as addicts we tend to worry about looking good.Is it that if we think we look good some how we think that will help us feel good.thats how it is for me and Im tired of just looking good were am I lacking and what should I work on. Thanks for any input
hey, in my opinion..... in the beginning i tried to look good, because i felt like shit inside. so to hide that i "dolled myself up". I use to base my entire self worth on if you thought i was pretty, and if i didn't get the attention (even if it was negative) than i wasn't worth it ....... Today i don't do this but it took lots of work, doing the steps and many conversations with my sponsor to graduallly learn to love me....
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
When i started cleaning up, i stopped everything and put on some weight. I have been trying to lose pounds and working on improving my health and looks as well and in the process, I learned that discipline was important. Aside from that, as addicts... I think we also do have self esteem issues which we need to resolve. Looks aren't everything but it is something important. If you have it, then take care of it. Nothing wrong with that. just don't make it the center of your life. AAfterall, nothing is permanent.
Looking good should be a consequence of feeling good.
However it may be acultural thing to dress up try and look good inspite of not feeling too good. The Basic Text points out that some times we are doing better than we are feeling. In my interpretation, just because I am not feeling good does not mean I should also start looking weird; after all am I not a responsible recovering addict ? And one aspect of that responsibility is to try and dress properly, act in a socialbe manner,speak politely.etc.
That said literally, i think the implication is that we need not say yes when we want to say n and vice-versa,,just to find approval. "People pleasing behaviour carried us deeper into our addiction!!". I try and say exactly what I think my kind,loving and caring self would have me say in complicated situations when to join the crowd is easier; my experience tells me that sometimes not joining majority opinion, even though doing so may look good , is a better option for me,especially in matters of group consience, being considerate on the job, being fair to my colleagues, etc.
Nevertheless, I ve found out that its a great day when Im feeling good and also looking good. I also think there is a very subtle but important difference bewteen looking good and TRYING to look good. What do yall think of what I think ? hehhehheh,,,
-- Edited by Raman on Tuesday 28th of April 2009 06:02:08 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
hey, in my opinion..... in the beginning i tried to look good, because i felt like shit inside. so to hide that i "dolled myself up". I use to base my entire self worth on if you thought i was pretty, and if i didn't get the attention (even if it was negative) than i wasn't worth it ....... Today i don't do this but it took lots of work, doing the steps and many conversations with my sponsor to graduallly learn to love me....
this is spot on. everything we did as addicts was trying compensate for the hole inside us that was the void were self esteem and self worth should have been. You can only act your way to better feelings through living as close to the set of principals that you adopt for yourself. Honesty and integrity breed acceptance and self esteem. And Gratitude = Happiness.
The way I dressed prior to recovery did have a purpose. I wore loud or tattered clothes meant to elicit a response. The response usually was defensive which put you in my ballpark. I wore wild hair , wild clothes , no shoes and acted in a way that offended. Today I try to be more presentable. I dont always feel well but do not feel the need to match my mood with my way of dress. Just showering on a day when I dont feel like it can be considered manipulative I guess. I have bought some new clothes. I have thrown out all tees with alcohol or dope slogans on them.. The tattered jeans are gone along with the stained wife beater tees. The bare feet are history in lieu of birkenstocks.. We sometimes have to " fake it till we make it " I try to be positive in all affairs . Thats includes how I dress.
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
I (choose to) "have to" maintain a "professional" appearance if I want to keep the job, which of course equals keeping the income. I've gotten real good at it, and no one knows how much or how often I have the internal battle over wanting to just say "F-it" and wear what I really want to wear. Sometimes it is hard for me to even do the shower/hair thing twice a week, when most other people seem to do it every morning. My colleagues would be amazed to know that.
But ya know what...how I look does not really tell anyone anything about the quality of my sobriety/clean time/spirituality or who I am, what I think, feel or believe.
I am far more interested in feeling good, and if I am not, figuring out why not and doing whatever is called for to change that (unless it's something like grieving a loss, which is best to just acknowledge and go through).
It amazes me how much we assume, judge, presume, and accept or dismiss based on appearance. And of course, I do it too, tho I try not to. I guess like most of drug-free living, it's all about balance. I know I always feel better after that daggone shower! LOL
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Just thsis evening, I was in an intense conversation with a sponsee about getting the insides and outsides to match !!!
And theres also that line in the Basic Text,,in Step 10 that says "Are we judging our insides by the outside appearences of others ?"
My life became unmanageable for many reasons and one of them was that I tended to read nonverbal communication wrongly !!
I could be in perfectly serene mood and all it took was one wrong reading of others outsides for me to feel weird,angry and disconsolate on the inside !!
Higher Powered now means that I am willing to be corrected about any assumptions I may have, especially what I know of the TRUTH !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
As my mother always said "Look good, feel good". Not to say that being presentable is a 'cover' but for me if Ive got clean clothes on and have had a shower and a shave it definately makes me feel a little better as opposed to being the great unwashed. ha ha
Haha yes. Dressed up on the outside, tore up on the inside. Alot of us at our local mtgs seem to do this too. For some reason, I've noticed it's mostly males like myself. It's a fine line between looking good to improve appearance, and looking good to throw a patch on the hole inside of me. Honestly, I still struggle with it. Certainly, buying a new shirt is easier and softer than sitting down to do some written step work. For me, the new shirt works for about 5 minutes. The stepwork works for as long as I'm actively working it.
I (choose to) "have to" maintain a "professional" appearance if I want to keep the job, which of course equals keeping the income. I've gotten real good at it, and no one knows how much or how often I have the internal battle over wanting to just say "F-it" and wear what I really want to wear. Sometimes it is hard for me to even do the shower/hair thing twice a week, when most other people seem to do it every morning. My colleagues would be amazed to know that. 
