A young guy with a few months under his belt asked me to be his sponsor. Of course I said yes it'd be my honor to help him.
My sponsor said be available and honest...and lead him based upon his receptiveness to the steps.
I found myself fearful that I won't be good enough. Then it dawned on me to ask my higher power for his help...in overcoming my fears, and in helping me provide guidance.
Was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions for us. Thanks,
Congratulations on becoming a sponsor! It can be a very rewarding experience, but can also sometimes be sad or frustrating, depending. Regardless, it's totally worth it.
I've actually thought a lot about how I consider my role as a sponsor and believe that my responsibilities are:
1 - to be available 2 - to share my ESH 3 - to the guide the person through the steps and other aspects of recovery (appropriate behavior at meetings, getting involved in service, reaching out to the newcomer, etc.)
I always keep in mind the info in the Sponsorship pamphlet, I think it was, that a sponsor is not a relationship counselor, a money lender, or an employment service.
One of the first things I do when taking on a new sponsee is to have a real honest conversation about expectations. I let the person know exactly what I expect of him/her. I also ask what the person expects of me. And then we talk about it to see if we're compatible.
hey dave, the biggest thing I learned from being a sponsor is that "I HAVE NO CONTROL" i can't make them call me, i can't make them do the steps, i cant make them stay out of relationships, i can make them do anything... all i can do is suggest things that have worked for me... what they do with that suggestion is there choice...... This was difficult for me and it took a lot of help from my sponsor... I also learned not to feel like a failure if a sponsee choose to go back out.... All my sponsees have gone out and never returned and for a while i thought it was my fault and i wasn't good enough.... but that's just me being self centered cause it had nothing to do with me. My sponsor explained that she felt the same way and that many of her sponsees go out for another year before coming back and geting serious about the program... lol and she remined me that's what i did to her.......
__________________
people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Thank you both for the response. Blithe Spirit I wll try to keep your words in mind as I begin working with my sponsee. And Drugfree, thank you for reminding me of my powerlessness, I guess approaching this with humility and honesty may help both of us....
I havent sponsored anyone so my ES&H comes from the sponsee side.
1) Dont advise . You can suggest but your sponsees personal life is none of your buisness.
2) Dont ask your sponsee for a bunch of favors not pertaining to NA. He dosent want to pick your stuff up for you at the laundry or loan you his car.
3) Stick to the topic at hand. If a sponsee calls you , something is up. You can spend hours talking about the weather, sports,girls . All the while dancing around the purpose of the call.
4) Get to steppin. Work steps . read basic text alot. This helps you too.
5) Live the program best you can. Theres nothing a sponsee loves better than having a sponsor thats NOT in the spiritual. This is the perfect excuse to let all go to hell .
-- Edited by AnthonyG on Friday 24th of April 2009 08:23:48 AM
__________________
The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
Hi..there's NA literature on 'Sponsorship'. Primarily I work through the steps with people. I prefer the Basic Text for this. I give reality checks, validate, support, encourage, love, occassionally kick butt and in extreme cases terminate the relationship if the person is consistently disinterested in working the program.
hello Dave, thanks for your post. I have not been as active on the board recently as I once was, but when I read your post I just had to respond. I think we all struggle with finding our "niche" in sponsoring. I know I did. What I eventually learned that works for me is that as a sponsor I need to do 3 things:
First, I am an encourager. Not judgemental, critical, or condescending. I support and uplift always trying to point out the positive in any situation. Even relapse has its lessons... And I remind them to keep coming back no matter what. If one keeps coming and doesn't use they will eventually get into the solution. Even if they use, I tell them to just keep coming. I believe in this program so strongly that I believe the only way to MISS it is to stop coming.
Second, I guide them thru the steps. We work at THEIR pace, not mine. I don't badger or push them, but I will occaisionally remind them that standing still is not a "pace." Also, when they asked me to sponsor them, they were asking me to honestly tell them what I see, so sometimes I must point out stuff that may be difficult for them to hear.
Finally, and this is the most important aspect, I try to be an example to them of the program working. I needed to see with my own two eyes the program working in someone else's life, so I try to be that example to them. Not perfect but progressing, and showing them how to learn from their mistakes. And believe me I make plenty!
These are the things that have worked for me. I don't dictate to a sponsee, and I don't "fire" one who doesn't follow my suggestions. My job is to "be there" when they are ready to ask for help. I hope my experience is of help to you. Good Luck!
Anthony, I loved your list too!!!!
-- Edited by dan h on Monday 27th of April 2009 11:55:43 PM
__________________
"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
Hey Anthony...love your list, especially #5. Right on!
