OK I am getting sick of this, anytime I lay down to rest to either nap or go to bed at night I have these imaginary morbid thoughts of animals being hurt.
Usually its about animals being hurt or killed but has gone into other areas like loved ones even.
I figure I just simply live in fear and when I start to rest it all sorta manifests itself into this, so I have started asking my higher power to remove this and seems to be working long as I try. But it's just kinda strange yuh know
I've gone through phases like that, too. Not so much about animals, but thinking a lot about severe illness and death of loved ones and sometimes myself. In my imaginings, though, it always seems very oddly self centered.
Whenever I have obsessions of the mind like those, I close my eyes and repeat "clear my mind, clear my heart" I can mention some specific things that need to be cleared. It's quite earnest. I do this until it seems right to try and let my mind rest on it's own. If the thoughts return I try it again.
It's just a way to prepare for meditation which might be a good thing to do before a rest or a nap.
Thats kinda what I do I guess blake but just not soon enough .
Yeah I know I have a real gentle heart for cats for some dang reason, I guess it's something I have to accept LOL people call me the cat man I don't really like it because cat lady's have bad reputations around here for being WEIRD and I don't want the stigma label but I am a little weird so its true
Hey BigV, you brain generally just regurgitates sensory input, like media. Garage in, garbage out. In my first 3 years I turned the TV and just listened to selected music with positive messages. I also learned to change the subject in my head when unpleasent thoughts came up. Just like thoughts of using.
This is about change isn't it Dean, nothing changes nothing changes.
Well it hasn't been happening lately just took a little working the program was all.
I feel bad about something that occurred a few weeks back. I went out mining for gold with a friend and got down to the creek and about 3 feet away from me layed a beautiful fox, it just layed there face down I knew it was hurt also knew to be careful ( possible rabies ) . We got everything set up down stream away from the animal and fired up my equipment, motor was loud and it still layed there, then about an hour later I noticed the animal had gotten up and was dragging it's leg, the leg was shattered. Me and my friend had talked about killing the animsl with a shovel where it layed earlier pretty much knowing it was gravely injured but I said no not knowing the extent of it's injurys but then seeing it dragging that leg made me wish I had. Anyhow it got up and was going upstream with the leg dragging and it stopped and just stared at me I told the animal I was sorry that I could not help and even said a prayer for it, it just stared for a moment spent of all energy but to drag itself over to a larger rock and hide half it's body behind the rock.
I bothered me most of the day while there , this was on a sunday and I knew no one with animal control was going to come out and deal with this animal so when I got home I called them anyhow and left a message they got a hold of me the next morning . They pretty much said we had to let nature takes it's course and told them where it was at and they told me they were very short handed and they probably would not get to any injured animals unless I was there to show them exactly where it was at which I was unable to do.
There was water in the creek for the fox to drink but i am sure the animal is dead by now with the severity of the injury and it inability to feed, sad part was it was a gorgeous healthy looking animal and i wish i could have done something to save it and feel I should have done more, again I have to turn over the end result to a higher power but sometimes I wonder if I can't do more to help out in situations in life.
I feel like i am always having to weigh out things and make decisions based on whats practical and spiritual, whats important or trivial. I think I should have called in for more help on this one but a then again I may have spent time and energy to no avail and gotten upset over the lack of concern of others then found myself still powerless and even more frustrated, Eeesh!!
-- Edited by BigV on Friday 24th of April 2009 08:39:10 AM
That was very spiritual of you, even sending the energy and all. It's amazing how intuitive animals are. At my mountain property I hike around in the morning with my coffee and see deer everywhere. I get within 10' of them and blow kisses and tell the does how pretty they are and they just stand there smiling and tilting there head back and forth to her my voice better. They will stand there for minutes till I'm done talking to them, babies and all. Sometimes the babies (some as small as a cocker spaniel) run toward me and around me jumping from side to side challenging me to chase them, like a puppy dog would.
-- Edited by DeanC on Friday 24th of April 2009 09:17:51 AM
Well, Vini. I would have probably done the same thing. I couldn't bring myself to go through with it but then I would wish that I had. We are SOOO sensitive aren't we? Were we always that way or is this a new thing?
Wow, need some coffee for this one. Stirring up a lot of stuff I relate to. The recurrent horrid, painful dreams...at times they seemed to have a life of their own that nothing could touch. Then, as others have mentioned, I learned some specific relaxation and meditation techniques, along with prayer, prayer, and more prayer. Eventually the scales tipped in favor of the spiritual rather than the toxic. Later I got some specialized therapy and now I can pretty much quell the "demons" fairly quickly when they re-emerge, as they still do from time to time, but not often.
I can relate to the fox situation too. I have had to make heartfelt amends to animals, birds, and fish over similar dilemmas and choices. My dad was a dedicated scoutmaster and often brought me along as a part of the troop (the Girl Scouts just didn't do it for me, to my mother's great disappointment). So I learned to "respect the critters but be pragmatic when you can't fix it" thing. It tears me up when an animal has to be put down or is clearly dying, but I know that is the way of the world and I believe there is always something from the situation that lives on in my spirit that strengthens me in some way I may not even be cognizant of. Thanks for sharing on this.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Hi Ken long time no see I am still running the Wednesday night meeting so be sure to drop in.
That sounds AWESOME Dean the baby deers remind of a friend who had a goat farm and the baby goats ( kids ) were so much fun to play with , like little puppy dogs LOL
Lee we can't fix everything though we try hard at times huh ? I keep thinking about the fox last night I was thinking that I probably could have walked up and just snatched that animal up and taken control of it and gotten it safely to a vet thats what i imagine doing then reality is that was at least a 30 pound wounded wild animal and I honestly don't know just how strong they are and it probably would have damaged me as much as it was damaged, rip open my hand tore off a finger LOL so lately I am just letting these thoughts go as they come up and having less of it.
We're obsessive people I try to remain neutral on a lot of things lately especially with politics, it is what it is and somehow we have to make it through the wave of change, whats important is how I react or not react rather.
The other day I found a crow up in a car garage gutter it fell from its nest, the mother and father were in a tree 50 feet above watching over there baby it was hard for me not to rescue the bird they were screaming at me when I got close to the baby , the cover was all metal and it was going to get a bit warm that day and the bird would probably die from heat exposure, it was difficult to walk away and let things happen as they will, for a crow the baby sure was cute it was big but far from ready for flight, sitting there in the gutter with its mouth gaping open wanting food and with that baby crow Cawing at its parents, I was saddened but I dug down asking for help and was sent away from the situation.
We all have our fate, I think most of us have been saved and sometimes we have to step back and let what will be be, we had to climb out of that hole that gutter and save ourselves, otherwise lay there and die so I commend everyone here for making the effort.
Vini, happy to know that you still are keeping the Wednesday night meetings on, that would be Thursday early morning for me... shall try to make it one of these days... did log in on Sunday around our old Sunday morning meeting time, there was no one... I guess we would have to find a way to get the Sunday meeting going too, maybe 10 AM or 11 AM or even Noon EST...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Can I just say, you are awesome;0 It is beautiful that you have a big heart for God's creatures, it says a lot about your spirit. i am a crazy cat lady waiting to happen... i can't wait:) Cats are my favorite they are... just the best;0 Thank you for sharing this with us and good luck with those thoughts.....
