I have to say im kicking ass in this right now!!! I finally have established a solid relationship with a hp and im facing my fears and it is awesome!!I have never been so eager to start 12 steps.I finally asked someone from my meeting to sponser me. And they said yes! Im so excited like everything is changing for the good and foronce im not afraid of change and what itwill bring. Its just i no longer feel stuck and i feel like for once im making progress w/all of this. Figured id share... lolim on cloud 13 (not ninecuz ya can fall off lol so i been told) and so full of hope!!! I dont ever wantto go back out not after this!! Im determined this timeand im wanting this more than ever!!!!
That's awesome to hear! Just remember to come back when you are having that bad day that will come eventually. If you keep returning to places like this regardless of how bad or how great you feel you will be amazed again.
today...some odd reason towards end of my work shift i really wanted to use. I guess it got ignited when a)someone was smoking weed in one the hotel rooms b) its been in back my mind ALL day and i keep pushing it out my head. Took me pacing sitting down trying to pre occupy myself and looking at my 24 hour chip i got while back. It helps cuz i thought to myself... i now have 10 days clean ALMOST 11 why should I let drugs take that length of sobriety away from me?? And i prayed to remove the obsession and here I am. Clean and sober. Its what my hp wanted for me other wise i woulda been back out running the streets and im tired of running. For once i shall stay put. Ive come this far why stop??!
Good seeing you in the wednesday meeting Tasha and like I said I am very proud your staying put .
I used to pray a LOT when the thought to use came to me sometimes for long periods of time I would repeat the Serenity prayer, I used to go into a real bad neighborhood to do work one time I had to get back in my truck and leave for awhile till I got my head on right.
It takes some leg work at times we dont just sit in our misery and play head games we get into ACTION.
I was completed screwed up past few days.... im getting that want again. Now I get what it means to dream about it. Woke up like woah. The whole damn day it felt like it shadowed over me. I had to go into town come to find out where i needed to go is across the street from where i got my pipes and shit. Iwalk around town trying to get it together then i over hear these two kids my age talking about picking up and size bags they wanted and i actually stopped. Temptation to ask where I could buy hesitated and walked away not saying a word. Its been hard few days tried callin sponsor NO ANSWER...no call back no answering maching NOTHING. Ima bout to give up. And try a different sponsor cuz im on shaky ground...
HAng in there Tasha sometimes its just about getting past the moment and letting it pass, not actually figuring out anything except showing a sincere desire to stay clean.
