Hello everybody. Been looking for a place like this for a while and now I hope Ive found it.

I live in Eastern Europe - Bulgaria and perhaps I am the only one here from the balkan region. I know probably its a bit unusual for me to register here, but believe me there are no such places and comunities where I come from.
First - sorry for the english, I know its not perfect...

My story is quite typical for the Balkans. We lived under comunist dictatorship for much too long and when it finally colapsed ppl were quite confused. Soon the entire society moral vanished...

I am 28 years old at the moment, but gotta tell you I feel atleast twice older. At the age of 16 I have already done some illegal stuff, met the "right" ppl and life took entirely different direction than I and my folks have ever thought of.

I learned how to make quite alot money soon enough and I took a certain oportunity at the age of 19, when I went to Kosovo, at that time part of Serbia, now an independent state. I joined the serbian forces there and stayed almost an year. The horrors of the ethnic war can not be written in words and I just hope God  will forgive me for what I have done and have been part of...and in the end only the nightmares stay.

I made a reputation there and when I came back I didnt wait too long to grab another chance - taking part of the managment of a big night club in Sofia. Next 5 years were a perpetual party, living in a completely different dimension, taking 3 other clubs under my managment in the process.  I got heavily addicted to cocaine and havent stopped doing it for 10 years now. Every single night was a real fest, booze, chicks and drugs...a sea of drugs. Meanwhile I lost the girl I was living with in a motorcycle accident and that isolated me from reality even further. Next 6 years didnt even think of getting into a serious relationship with someone, but didnt hesitate much to sleep with hundreds of chicks at the clubs. Gotta tell you one of the worst sides of the democracy here is that our girls became very greedy with only money and easy life in their empty heads. Someone with me and in my position in the nightlife of Sofia had to do absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING to nail a real beauty. Years went by, I was involved in a number of illegal stuff and lived like a prince. At the best moment I was making up to 100 k USD per month and for a young lad like me and a country like BG it was huge. Had numerous enemies, most of them among my so called friends. Been shot twice and twice the doctors said the God himself watches over me. Only that I didnt believe in God as I cant imagine that if he exsisted he would allow the things I have saw in my life to happen...( But still I ask for his forgivness a few lines above ).

All those years I never stopped pretending I am OK and refused to see what everybody else see. Only my closest ppl - the head of my security and also my best friend and few others dared to speak frankly with me about my madness, which at some point became dangerous for their lives too. Cocaine has completely erased my clear judgment and I started fucking with the wrong ppl on a regular basis. As you perhaps already have thought - it all went pretty ugly and bad for me and I can honestly say now I must be grateful for every day I breath the air you all breath  since the big fuck up. So making a long story short - certain ppl here decided enough is enough and that I have gone too far. I spent months hiding at dozens locations through out the country, lost my sources of income, left behind big cash and spent the rest on buying myself a second chance...

Starting from ZERO with the help of a powerful cousin of mine I am now making good money again - almost 100% legal ( construction busines ). But second chance here doesnt mean a change of personality - my bad and self destructive addiction stayed and got even worse. I was spending the days as quite a busy businesman and in the nights I was riding wild in the same old crazy rodeo. I didnt give a shit for noone, was always the centre of attention night after night, always heavily drugged and drunk and always with a big bunch of ppl caring only about taking advantage of me. You may disagree, but I am really not stupid. I see everything but simply decide to ignore it. The only way I can explain this is that after coming back from Kosovo I never felt really happy again. Having quite amusing sense of humour managed to hide the fact that I left my sense of joy somewhere in those woods, muddy roads and mass graves. The death of my girl later destroyed even the last paths to my old personality, the sunny kid my parents have grown with a lot of love. And that shows the truth - despite thinking I am quite tough and all the ppl thought the same, in fact I was very weak and allowed the sorrow to embrace me and throw me in the hands of the terrible addiction, that defacto ruined my life...