As I said before, my daughter went to the emergency room and was admitted to the mental health unit. Yesterday was a rough visit. They said she would be discharged on Friday night at 8:50pm. The rehab facility she planned to go to said that was fine. They can do late admits.
I get a call at about 9am this morning and she's being released. I called the rehab to advise them and they said bring her on. I picked her up and it started....just like I was warned. She just kept saying "I don't know if I'm ready for this right now." I told her I was taking her there and she would have to make her own decision about staying or not.
We made it through the doors and she was still very reluctant. They must have had 4 women gathered around her to tell their story of heroin addiction and they didn't want to be there either. Then she told them she felt like she was only trying to please me because of all the hurt she has caused. It seemed to be going no where.....FAST.
I stuck to my guns and told her it was her decision to make. I reminded her if she opts to leave, she can't call or come to the house anymore. She will need to go through the courts to arrange visitation with her daughter. We are not going to watch her die. She was dying before her trip to the e.r. Today she just wants to spend the day with the boyfriend and come back to rehab tomorrow. That wasn't an option.
She did tell them she would give it a chance. I scooted out the door before she could change her mind. Not before telling her how much we love her. She isn't allowed visitors for 2 weeks. Part of me wants to breathe a sigh of relief. The other part will be listening for the phone to ring to say she's left the program.
I'm emotionally drained at the moment. For now, she is getting the help she needs. I need to practice what I preach and live in the moment and be thankful.
I am truly amazed with the strenght and the will of all of you here! If there is any justice on earth you will succeed in finally making the world a better place for you and your loved ones!
"Now rest and leave the ends to God and her, you've done everything possible to help." "You're doing an AMAZING job of being a wonderful mother in NOT loving her to death!"
What they said....plus, DO NOT change your resolve..."tough love" is life-giving, and we may never know when, how, where, or why, those "seeds" will sprout. I too went through the near death-is she dead-when will she be dead-what will that phone call bring-torment. I had to let her go...and down hill she went...homeless in LA and very ill, homeless in another city and very ill...but I tell you with all my heart, had I taken her back in I believe she would be dead today, not living and thriving and growing and happy. It takes what it takes.
Get yourself 12-step support for YOU. I had to accept the worst, grieve for the worst, deal with the guilt and pain and fear and the bitter pill of her rejection and estrangement, but I came out the other side with a God-given peace and in a few days, 25 yrs clean & sober. I no longer fear her death, or hurt over her lack of communication. Every day is a gift and that's all we have, TODAY. I'm not a hugger, but I can deal with a virtual HUG , so hugs to you.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
thank you all so much for the support. unfortunately, my daughter walked out of the rehab facility just a few hours after i dropped her off. what's difficult is following through with what i said to her. i feel like i'm already grieving her death. i honestly felt a physical pain in my heart when the girl at the rehab place told me she left.
we have not heard from her and i'm not sure i expect to. she knows in her heart i was serious about not calling or coming to the house. she told the rehab place maybe she needs to lose everything before she gets help. i just don't get it. i will hold true to my word and pray for her. i'm trying to emotionally let her go and leave it in God's hands.
i lost a son to crib death 28 years ago. she was my only living child. i'm struggling with this. all i ever wanted was to be a mother. i am a mother to her only child now. she gives me the strength i need. it's just so sad.
i think i need to allow myself to go through those steps of grieving. it's weird since i know she's alive (if you can call it that). right now i'm so mad i could just smack the crap out of someone! i gave her life and if this is what it takes to give her life again...so be it.
in this moment, i'm thankful for my little granddaughter and thankful for another day with her.
Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry! It takes what it takes for all of us to make a decision to get serious about staying clean. I pray that moment is just around the corner for your daughter. It's so hard, watching an addict self destruct.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
Very sorry she didn't stay Tawnya she'll know when it's time in the mean time you have a granddaughter to raise. Some of us recover I was left for dead basically not expected to survive the life I lived and here I am today, it's doable so keep the hope.
That's a tough one. She's going to have to bump her head for awhile till she acquires the gifts of desparation and willingness. Unfortunately that usually involves some pain and losses, which are our best teachers. At least you showed her where the treatment facility is. I went to my first meeting at age 15, then again at 17, 19, and not again till 27 when my son was born. It took 2 more years of going to meetings steadily and relapsing 10 more times before I watched my wife leave and my best friend OD and die, before I was ready at 29 yo. That seems to be a popular age to get clean and sober now. 20 years later it seems like I was young and could've easily put in another 10 years of drinking and drugging but I was spared, thanks God.
Sings, you have a life, live it, enjoy it. You didn't mention how old your daughter is, but sounds like she's in her 20's. Your job is done, let her go and figure it out. She'll come around when the going gets tough. Pray that she hits her bottom and experiences some "yets" sooner than later.
It's been a week today that she walked out of rehab. I'm a little better today. At first the mention of her name brought me to tears. Yesterday I was able to tell my mom what was going on without shedding a tear. I still cry but I seem to be able to control myself a little better now.
You're right, Dean. She is 22. We've been dealing with her drug use since she was 17. This was her 3rd rehab attempt. The first two, she actually completed 30 days. She wasn't using heroin then either. This has given us a glimpse of how horrible her life must be.
I'm a hospice nurse and see disease and death on a daily basis. I can't help but relate this to a type of brain cancer. These patients also have good and bad days. When the disease is "active" they may say and do anything with no sense of consequence. The patient is rarely aware of the things they've said and done. It's the families that suffer as they watch their loved one slip away. This is very similar.
In this moment, I'm thankful I've found a place to vent my feelings. Not many people understand this unless they've experienced it. I feel understood. That means a lot.
