It took a lot to get here and it takes a lot to stay.
Is it worth it you might ask ? DAMN RIGHT IT IS my life is so much better now then then .
It aint easy, well hell no its not, it goes against a lot of what's inside of me ( self destructive ) but what was and is still there was killing me today I am living and growing and dying from my addiction gets further away each day from the first day I got here.
So just so you know we all put an effort into this each and every single day, just simply not using is not enough we work on our lives and living inbetween that we do not use .
So if your new and you dont think we dont understand this confirms you could not be further from the truth so do not listen to your head when it says " NO ONE UNDERSTANDS " because WE DO WE'VE BEEN THERE , we do get and stay clean one day at a time.
-- Edited by BigV on Tuesday 31st of March 2009 10:30:26 PM
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
what it took an awful long time for this NA/AA guy to figure out was that I had a lot of growing up to do. they say the you stop maturing when you start using and you're stuck there until you start recovering. Well I started drinking and smoking cigs at 8 yo, smoking pot at 11, LSD at 13yo, Cocaine at 15 yo, PCP at 16, prescription drugs, opium, mushrooms, peyote, crank all through out on top of drinking as much as I could. My mind and my body was a toxic waste dump, but somehow my ego still told me that I was brilliant and smarter than 95% of the people out there (it still does).
So when I got clean and sober I was still emotionally stuck between 8 and 13 years old depending on what issue. And boy did ever take a long time to feel like a fully functional adult, probably around 10 years of hard earned recovery. And in some respects, I've still got a lot of work to do as I am winding down my 20th year. I actually made a list, there's that many. So relax, have fun, and enjoy the journey, because there is no destination, just gratitude for progress. Work on the gratitude because Gratitude = Happiness. There is no other pathway to Happiness except through Gratitude. Don't confuse pleasure with happiness, pleasure needs stimulus and doesn't last.
Hi Vin,, that why the newcomer is the most important person at a meeting. Newcomesr remind me that the "playing fields " of my addiction,,then and now,,havent changed a bit.
And in reference to what Dean shared,, i remember my first sponsor point at the time before I began using, and say "you need to go back ther and find out how you felt. Thats the unmanageablity part being resolved"
Then again,,a later sponsor kept harping that " you may do another relapse but maybe not another recovery"
From my experience in the rooms, I infer that those who do stay clean are the ones that dont talk too much in early recovery,,dont manipulate things at home, in sponsorship,service and who dont close their minds to new avenues of learning.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
hey Vini, having a newcomer to the meetings makes me think of how i used to be. but even though i relapsed im for sure not as bad as i used to be. it makes me stop and think about if that is what i want to go back to. i just need to keep remembering one day at a time.
"So relax, have fun, and enjoy the journey, because there is no destination, just gratitude for progress. Work on the gratitude because Gratitude = Happiness. There is no other pathway to Happiness except through Gratitude. Don't confuse pleasure with happiness, pleasure needs stimulus and doesn't last."
Wow, did I need to hear that today! Thanks.
I should post this in my topic "The Anniversary From Now 'Til Then" but I'm here, not there, so I guess I'm supposed to be here & not there. I KNOW y'all actually understand that!! LOL
Twenty five years ago today...the first day of a bad three day run that I never want to forget, even though I was in a blackout for much of it.
Not as young a druggie as Dean, but well on my way by 14, a garbage head, and I probably have the emotional maturity (seriously, not being funny) of a 20-something. That still gets in my way sometimes. Love it tho when someone finds out how old I am chronologically, which I don't look, and they really get a jolt. Heh heh heh.
Today I am infused with gratitude, and...o'm' gosh, I am HAPPY (ODAAT).
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
as you may have noticed I am new here and probably getting a real pain in the ass for the forum veterans (-:
But after reading quite a few threads I just cannot stop expressing my joy of finding this place. So many ppl standing one by one building their lives again...
I should post this in my topic "The Anniversary From Now 'Til Then" but I'm here, not there, so I guess I'm supposed to be here & not there.
There is no "There", there's only a Here. You can never be there, because you are here. When here becomes there, there is somewhere else. "There" is a space in time, usually in the past, but sometimes in the future, but it's never now, like the sign in the bar that says "Free Beer Tomorrow".
Hey 10 years glad to have you here, being veteran doesn't give us anymore then one day clean yeah some of us have stacked a few one day's up but we're all one drug one drink away from the last one, our daily reprieve is based on our spirituality for this one day, as Dean calls the " HERE "
