sometimes I wonder Current mood: confused Category: Life
some ppl would say I have it good some would say damn how does she do it I say does it ever stop when do the good things start to happen in my life why am I still alone is it by choice.... I wonder... I keep ppl at distance for a reason no real relationship to speak of no love life am asking too much? When will my life change for the better someone I can be proud of being productive life and ppl in my life that want to be here someone to love me for who I am not what I can do or offer just because I am me. Sometime I wonder who I am then someone points out I am not so bad off I make things worse by worring what is to come I do my best to stay in today but it is sometimes hard to wonder is this it for me? Is there more? I am sure everyone at one point in their life has asked these questions. I am just now getting my head on straight I can't be good for anyone else till I am well enough to care for me right? well I could ramble but I won't just wondering when..........what if ............could have.........should have ................tilll later
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
I can relate...rants like that exhaust me....I have 'em in my head way too much. I think it comes with the disease, truly. Meditation helps-seriously-just basic relaxation exercises, nothing heavy-duty, unless that's your thing. The 12th step helps too. So does volunteer work. Or being available to someone with a need, even if I don't wanna become BFF. Anything to get me out of the me that's indulging in the powerfulness of fear, negativity, self-pity...whatever is not in step with the steps! Because when I am not being so powerful, and edging God out (EGO), I can see, feel, think, accept and enjoy that "more" that there is for me. If I wait around to feel better or do better self-care before I offer something (healthy) to someone else, a lot of time will go by with little to show for it. When I get moving with God (Good Orderly Direction) I get a better return on my investment.
__________________
From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
confused 
