I have been under the impression that since I got sober 7 months ago I have been recovering and making progress. But then something happens and it makes me think other wise. Is there anyway to measure my progress? Maybe I am not recovering. After all I am not going to face meetings or working the steps. And according to every person on this board you must do those things to stay sober. If that is true than I am only hanging on by a thread. I want to do things on my terms but everyone is telling me it won't work. I feel strong in my recovery and secure. But yet I am not following the guide lines set forth to staying sober. For some reason I just do not want to go meetings. I am just setting myself up for failure? I don't understand how putting myself in a situation that is uncomfortable is going to help me. I just don't think I can do it. I come up with all these excuses why I can't go. I am sabotaging my own sobriety?
i feel like whatever works for you is working for you. what i'm wondering is why do you feel like your making excuses for not going to face to face meetings. If it's a fear thing than facing fears is the only way to get over it. Being stuck in isolation isn't fun... and recovery for me is not only getting clean but enjoying my life. My friends are in the rooms, and most of my activities are with people from the meetings. I was very fearful at first but i'm glad i did it, because i've learned a new love and how to have healthy relationships..... also on the days i just need to get out of my head and go to someones place i have plenty of options. if you feel your sabotaging your own recovery than maybe you are... but thats your decision
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Your obviously not comfortable with this otherwise it wouldn't be bothering you.
I feel the same way sometimes, I dont make a lot of face to face meetings I dont have anyone other then here to check in with, no sponor but what I try and do is live my life into the steps.
I think the important thing is being active in your recovery, if you see a need to do something then get your butt up and do it, I have been wanting to get to a meeting for awhile now I did make an effort a few weeks back and the place was closed so I ran a meeting at the chat board that night I had to do something for my recovery and that happened to be a really good meeting that night.
I keep constant inventory going in my life its a constant watching of myself I ask myself questions and help myself do what needs doing and talk a lot with the higher power and i pray for help and guidance then follow whats suggested.
HAving commitments helps I have it here and on the chat meeting board but always feels I should do more.
Figure out what you need and quit TORTURING yourself
My friend you are not recovering you are just staying abstinate without the use of drugs. See it say's in the basic text that The drug's are not the problem but the problem is ourself. I think this is what it says can't quote word for word. The only way I learn how to stay clean is getting that help from my sponsor, friends in the programs, If I am sponsoring myself I have a food for a sponsor. I tried your way it ended me back to using, I tried only online meetings I ended up using. I can say anything on the computer, but when I go to a f2f meeting and let people see me they can tell what I am doing with my recovery. Now quick question, When in active addiction did you never see the dope man when you bought the dope? I know I saw mine f2f. I trusted him with my life, my money, my well being. How the hell can we say we don't trust that addict that is in the rooms to help us recover. I have cleaned my phone out of a bunch of people who were just abstinate and not working the program. Were you comfortable that the dope man might never bust your lip or try to kill you when you bought the dope? I mean come on now. We are talking about people who are trying this thing a different way in our lives. We go to meetings to hear that strength experinece and hope for our lives today. I don't ever want to not know if I am coming out of the crack house with a busted lip again. That shit hurts. I know that in NA these people are here for us not to hurt us but to help us heal from our deep rooted pains in our lives. I am only speaking from my own experiences in my own life.
Thanks for the advice. I really like what big v had to say. I need to comfortable in my own recovery. However I have decided that the least I could do is start working the steps. I really want to stay sober and for now face meetings are just not going to happen. Hopefully I will suceed.
TS, I'm going to respectfully disagree with Big V here. Part of the recovery process is learning how to be OK with being uncomfortable. As an addict, I always avoided discomfort, bad feelings, fear, anxiety... I used to attempt escape from them. Recovery is about CHANGE. If I always do what I always did (avoid uncomfortable) I will always get what I always got (high).
I often don't feel like going to a meeting. I came to understand that I need to go, even when I'm uncomfortable. It's not just about me either. I need to give back what was so freely given to me. I need to be there, with 7 months clean, for the addict with 3 months clean who might get some hope in seeing me with 7 months.
Don't let self will run riot and havoc in your life again. How do I know I'm in self will and not in God's will... My thoughts all start with "I want" or "I don't want" or "I don't feel like..." God's will for me is to be of service to others. To stay clean and help the next addict who is suffering.
"I want to do things on my terms" is a HUGE red flag for me in listening to you. How well has doing things on "your terms" served you thus far? At some point TS, I had to get in touch with the FACT that my way doesn't work. It doesn't matter if I feel like going to a meeting, I need to go anyway. Feelings have always led me... Right into a dope house and a jail cell! It doesn't matter whether or not I feel like calling my sponsor... I need to do it. It doesn't matter if I don't feel like listening to a sponsees issues, I need to do it anyway. I'll never forget an addict saying, "I don't always have to act on my feelings". What a moment that was! I remember thinking, "My God! He's right! I've always thought I should and could act on every feeling. Today, I try not to give much power to feelings at all. I recognize them, feel them and remember that "this too shall pass"
Now, get your ass to a meeting, reach out to some people, hug a newcomer and tell them you believe in them, make some friends. Leave self will behind!
{{{hugs}}}
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
Thank you for being so honest. I should consider stepping outside of my comfort zone. I am not sure why I am so scared to do so. And of course I want people to agree with me that way I don't have to make a change. Ya know I really want to suceed here and stay sober. I have made it this far but it does get lonely and I do isolate. I really need to do what is right.
You'll be OK. I believe you have the desire it takes to stay clean but it does take more... connecting with people who can share with you how they get through stuff, real people with real eyes you can look into and that can look into yours. I need people to call me on my shit and I can bullshit real good when I don't have to look at you!
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
You got a good point there. It is pretty easy to sit at my computer and type up things. Going to a face meeting (for me) would not be so easy. I have decided that I am going to drive a couple of towns over and go to a meeting. I of course can not go by myself so I am hoping that I can find some one to join me. Every thing you guys have said and my counselor has really gotten thru. So thank you for everything.
Mike here from Australia: No disrespect intended and I wish you well but my experience tells me there is no such thing as an NA member who does not go to meetings (unless there is an extreme problem with disability or access). If these problems of disability or access don't apply then you haven't decided whether you are an NA member or not. Time to decide. In or out. If youre not going to meetings you are a civilian. And there are millions of civilians out there in trouble....millions. Minor point (perhaps) but over here we read the NA clarity statement before meetings. We refer to our recovery time as "Clean" time so as not to confuse the message. To be 'sober' is generally related to alcohol and hence to the other fellowship. Might seem minor and pedantic but I've have learnt that language is extremely powerful and in NA I focus on, amongst other things, getting my language right. Best of luck. BWAP
