I had an awesome day yesterday, I didn't sleep at all very well. I had some feelings. Well if you want to hear something on forgiveness and learn how to do it. I was just taught something very important in my faith journey and in my recovery journey as of last night! I went to lenten service ok. The person sharing was sharing on that prison. Well her prison was an actual prison I got into my head and pictured my own prison right. Well I am sitting there and I am walking down this dark, grimy, nasty looking jail right. I have cell's on each side of my head right. Guess Who I pictured in those cells? Everyone I had done some kind of harm to or the one's that had done some kind of wrong to me. I even saw my cell that one was all the way at the long hallway. She said she had to learn to forgive her daughter that she just couldn't get along with. But once she experienced that forgiveness she said I started to feel a little freedom from it. I was thinking now like wow. It brought me right back to my old sponsor ok. Well this is not the end of this journey for last night. I go to a study which the name of that was: Please forgive me, I forgive You, Thank You, I love you. Well I am sitting there and we are discussing the topic and all. I am like ok here is this little confirmation I need to work on forgiving some people before they leave. I am like ok. I start thinking of my old sponsor immediately this woman and I have gotten closer since we have not been in sponsorship anymore with each other. I am really not liking that right. I have gotten brutally honest with her. I came home from all of this forgiveness stuff. I called her last night I said Please Forgive me, She says Shannon I have forgiven you. I said I forgive you, Thank You and I love you. She was like wow you are definitely changing in your recovery. The night before her and I were talking and I was really shaky on some stuff and we got really deep into our discussion. She said to me last night Shannon start working on forgiving yourself first.... I was like ok. Well this is how I am going to forgive myself I think I have to repeat it over and over again for a while but it is gonna go like this: Shannon, Please forgive me, Shannon I forgive you, Shannon Thank You, Shannon I love You. There it is then I am going to say what I forgive me for and state it.
Thanks for sharing Shannon, that's an amazing experience that you had at the lenten service no doubt, glad that things are ok with you and your ex-Sponsor. That's so true that things between me and someone are not ok usually because I'm not ok with "me". Learning to forgive myself means I'm more open to forgiving others, seeing in others what I see in self
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Yes, I was not okay with me until I talked with her and now it is still like we are still sponsor and sponsee. Lol that is the really funny part. I was testing her I guess I was really disrespectful to her when she was my sponsor but it was like me saying I don't trust you until we become friends. I had to become friends first with her then I learned to trust her guidance which really sucked. Oh well all is good with that then.
Well this is how I am going to forgive myself I think I have to repeat it over and over again for a while but it is gonna go like this: Shannon, Please forgive me, Shannon I forgive you, Shannon Thank You, Shannon I love You. There it is then I am going to say what I forgive me for and state it.
GEE I thought I was weird WOOW, I did that too Shannon I still have to fogrive myself at times for things I do otherwise I end up endlessly beating myself down. I don't make excuses like Well your an addict what do you expect I just simply forgive and move on.
What do you mean vinnie? I am not that weird am I really? But you know it was whatever that helps one to forgive themself in their own lives! If it works for me it might work for you. I am not wanting to give up on me just yet except I am almost ready to.
Oh I love it. That is really a neat idea. Can you forgive yourself for real. Cuz I have done somethings that I do not think I will ever be able to forgive myself for.
I have to say this over and over to myself eventually it does come around for me. I can beat me up pretty bad but this about accepting that yes I am an addict. I am not responsible for what I did in active addiction, but I am responsible for what I do in recovery. I can make those ammends on a daily basis to myself, and try with that other person.
Your not wierd shannon LOL we're just all really aware of ourselves and what we do and how we need to be doing things differently at times and we need to give ourselves a break sometimes, not always. I ask allll the time my higher power to forgive me but just saying sorrys not enough and I know that. Our past is our past its gone nothing will change that its done deal, just need to focus on today and be as good today and guilt free as possible
I had to have this drilled into my mind by some good natured ,(if overbearing people) early in recovery. That has served as a Stepping Stone for my daily living.
Then one time later an old timer had said to me "If you feel the resentment even after youve forgiven them,,then maybe its you who harmed them and now its your turm to ask for forgiveness ".
The most important lesson Ive learnt is that forgiveness and being forgiven is not a conclusion we can make at the start of the process. Forgiveness seems to happen at the end of a process of self searching and self critisism;the onus is on me to be true about who harmed who !
After that,,according to the Basic Text, we go about asking for forgiveness without fixation on the outcome. It can happen that someone who we ask for forgiveness may not be willing to forgive; perhaps as yet. Then again forgiveness may happen immediately. these things cannot be pre-determined.
Also,there are time also when one may not yet know how to forgive when one has been harmed. I have experienced a few resentments about certain people that come up again and again because I did not know how to forgive them or for what to forgive them Thats why significant literature from NA and AA ask us to be specific. I need to specify and pinpoint those instances where I was hurt or others hurt me or hurt was mutual.
Most of all,,its been clearly suggested that theres a simple attitude we can adopt and later become good at ,which will save us eventually. And that attitude is one of being willing to forgive rather than be forgiven.
I am forgiven to the extent that I have forgiven,,and that in itself is a process framed in time. Give time its time.
"The fruits of a labour of love lie in the harvest and that shall come in its own time" (Inside cover of the Basic Text).
-- Edited by Raman at 08:39, 2009-03-11
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
this goes right along with some things i have been feeling for awhile and i really get where you are going and i had the hardest time letting go of the past forgiving myself and others and am still making amends for some of the things i have done and doing the next right thing is still a conscious choice but we get better and we go on we go to meetings and do service work and yada yada yada i do like how you have expressed yourself and look forward to more posts from you in the future
rocky
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
Ok now here is a question that was proposed to us last night in that whole forgiveness thing we are working on. Do you feel like you have to feel forgiveness before you forgive someone. That forgiveness when you don't do it and when you don't get it can eat us away. Really I heard someone talk about how a lady had hurt another lady for 14 years and they hadn't talked for that 14 years. But one day it came to where they had to confront her enemy and it ended up being forgiven totally. I was like wow she shared how she had to just let go and allow herself to forgive that woman and the woman to forgive them. Then I got to watch how Ireland is teaching the children to forgive each other and I was like wow that really works. The kids will all put glasses on and look at that student and say 1 good thing about that person. I look at it like this I need to stop looking at your wrong's and do the next right thing. So when someone is doing something against us we need to see the positive in them also and learn how to forgive them for that problem. Now we have to learn saying this to each other is Please forgvie me. I forgive you. Thank You. I love you. on a daily basis to each other and ourselves I do believe. I love this class this man is teaching us this. It is really supposed to be about the end of life, but really you can do this at anytime and it will improve our relationships with each other in this world, especially in our world of NA. The roblems we face with each other and we need to find that unity and harmony again. I wish we could use non apporoved literature sometimes in NA. This book would really help us all out. By the way if you want the name of the book to read it is The four most important things.
