can't win for losing

Manon · Guru

can't win for losing

Jana40503 · Senior Member

Slow down and breathe!

When my thoughts (the village idiots) become like a million trains all pulling into grand central station, can't finish one thought before another one hits me... I PUT THEM ON PAPER!!! I can't even begin to tell you how helpful it is for me to get it out of my head, thinking is NOT my friend, and to look at it in black and white. It gives me some perspective and generally I see that I'm really doing a hell of a lot better than I think I am!

I also stop struggling with my feelings. I just accept that I'm having them, they're uncomfortable, they won't kill me and I stop trying to figure them out and fight them. I just feel them and there is such relief in surrendering and getting OK with feeling. I don't have to like the feelings, just accept that I'm having them and believe they will pass, they ALWAYS do. I have NEVER felt the same way forever. Emotions change and these that you're having will too.

Give yourself a break.

I had to act my way into new ways of thinking. That means when something was suggested to me, I had to DO IT, not just think about doing it or coming up with reasons not to do it... JUST DO IT and the evidence will change the thinking and then the feelings.

GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD... You will have no idea how freeing putting it on paper, even finding your solutions as you do it, will be for you until you try it.

HUGS! I promise you are doing better than you think you are!

-- Edited by Jana40503 at 00:06, 2009-02-21

AnthonyG · Senior Member

Manon are you using all your suggestions ? Im not dogging you out or judging you. Please dont think I am. I cant help but notice your hurting on a regular basis.

Are you going to meetings ? Are there meetings available to you ? What about meetings with another fellowship if thats all you have ?

You said you have problems reaching out. Does that mean you dont use your phone ? Do you call addicts regularly ( daily) And get input and suggestions.
What Im getting at there is face to face contact or at least voice to voice. Are you depending solely on internet support ?

Do you have a sponsor. If so do you call her daily ?

Are you doing stepwork ? If so are you using your HP, your sponsor and your phone numbers along with this site to instill those step lessons into your daily life ?

Ive been helped tremendously by some of my internet connections. People that helped get through my bull-headedness. But because of distance and impracticality it is imperative I build a network around me on a local level.

Ive become a great believer in faith. And in maintaining a positive outlook. It took me very close to 50 years to finally figure out that my negative energy ATTRACTED negative energy. My own thoughts and attitudes kept me exactly where I always hated being.

I hate to be the guy that walks around with a basic text shoved up his ass. BUT...I have faith that whats written in those pages will work.. Even for someone like me.
So when I read in there that ... We MUST adapt our lives to the program, not the program to our lives . I believe it. Also..I know Ill mis quote a bit here.. We have never seen an addict fail who follows the program fully.

My thoughts and prayers are with you sister. Just keep pluggin along day by day.

emily · Veteran Member

Hi Manon,

I am here for you. I understand the depression, it gets me too. If you read the thing today that Big V wrote in Just for Today, it helped me a little, maybe it will help you:

"The surest way to become grateful is to take advantage of the help available to us in the NA program and to experience the improvement the program will bring in our lives.

Just for Today: I will be grateful for the hope NA has given me. I will cultivate my recovery and stop cultivating self-pity"

Take advantage of the help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are so many of us!! and we all want to help!!

I think sometimes we the addicts are the most kind and sensitive people on earth, we became addicts because we had SO MANY feelings! PPl on the outside see us as addicts but I see us as a special breed of lost souls who just need to connect to eachother for strength.

I hope that helps.

emily

drugfree · Senior Member

hey manon, I completely understand how you feel. I used to feel the same way,even after my meds i couldn't quiet my thoughts. I felt like i was going insane. I was very depressed and many times thought of ending it all, even in recovery. What really helped me was to find treatment, and not drug treatment, but a mental health treatment centre. I went for three months and it helped me identify and correct the crazy making thoughts. It also helped me identify when i start to slip back into the old way of thinking. NA is helping with my drug and life problem but sometimes we need to seek outside help for other issues. Since going to this program i consider myself in recovery from major depression and borderline personality disorder. I no longer actually need meds, and my understanding of self is far greater than it has ever been. It is possible to stop the slide into depression, you just need to learn the skills on how to do that. It's just a thought

Manon · Guru

what I am dealing with anthony has noting to do with my recovery I think the others have more of an understanding Iam dual and clean so yes I hurt alot whaile they are trying to regulate my medication I come here to get input I am doing what needs to be done for my recovery as well as mental health the IOP I am in is for mental health I know this is an NA board and Iam a member well because I say I am but that means to me I can get my support from here its not always about the basic text it is about knowing I am not alone

BigV · Senior Member

Your not along WERE ALL INSANE

LOL hey I can use the fried egg on this one

-- Edited by BigV at 20:36, 2009-02-21

Manon · Guru

u r too funny vinnie but thata is why we klove ya

Davethewave · Guru

Hi Manon

I want to send you a private message regarding our shared condition, if you will send me your email address. Check your private messages.

Dave

-- Edited by Davethewave at 08:53, 2009-02-22

Raman · Guru

Hi Manon.
This morning the disease was screaming at me.
Know what I did ?
Just closed my eyes and Meditated !
Gave me a good day afterwards.

Manon · Guru

thanx raman

Tahir · Member

Manon wrote:

I am heading back into a deep depression and my thoughts are way screwed in the head

Is that true my dear Manon? How can you know for certain that what you express above is true? Hope you do not mind me asking these questions as asking these questions to myself has helped me a lot to relook at the statements of my mind

Manon, there's a 12-Step fellowship that has played a significant and supportive role for me regarding my mental health issues a few years back, I share the link here in the hope that it might help you too... check it out...

http://draonline.org/

Warm regards & fellowship love.

Tahir · Member

Especially, read this "personal stories" section where addicts with co-existing mental health issues have shared their recovery journey... you'll be amazed as to what is possible... here's the link to these personal stories of fellow members...

http://draonline.org/stories/storiesindex.html

Tahir · Member

Also you can find a face-to-face meeting near where you live using the below link... my sincere hope is that you can more freely share your concerns as this place is meant for such health issues, and I was met with more identification in context of my other health issues...

http://draonline.org/meetings_dra/usa/index.html

marigoldhead · Veteran Member

We are all in the state of depression sometimes. Dont let it defeat you. We are all good people and depression is one way the itty bitty shitty commitee gets to us. Keep your head up and remember we are all here for everyone. I will keep you in my prayers.

Manon · Guru

ty all so much for your support yes Tahir I am aware of DRA around here the meeting are very chaotic and hard to handle but will look up the online things should help alot

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