Well as of now,,its very challenging to have to complete my studies.
I find myself not in any social groups here,,but thats ok. Most groups are formed around drinking and partying and if Im not in those gropus because I dont do that then its ok.
Im also realising that it is incorrect to place unrealistic expectations on myself. Ive obtained a few academic qualifications in my recovery; heres a list=
1.Advanced management diploma 77 28 2.Diploma in business management 80 32 3.Post Graduate Diploma in Event management 62 42 4.Currently on a masters - 47
The table shows the course done and the marks obtained and at what age. These courses have been by corrospondence( 1and 2) and evening college.(3).
The last time I went to a classroom on a regular basis was in 1978. So here I am trying to do the classroom thing again after 30 years. Seems like this is an attempt to pick up the pieces of my life,,after addiction and in recovery.
God has given me the Grace to do quite well in the studies I took up in recovery and now I know God has a Great Aim for me once I successfully finish this course.
As of now I am averaging about 56 percent,,Im ok with that. However I ahve once subject to clear. This is causing me consternation and worry.
The difference between my previous and current study is the level. A fully taught,masters in science is obviously a continous uphill journey (Basic Text) and this is something that I am trying hard to adjust to.
If anyone there has some words of wisdom or indeed some experience in this regard,,Id love to hear it.
Thanks.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Well here is a thing I experienced which is as good as it gets behaviour wise.
I was doing volunteer work on Friday morning. Got some students to fill up questionnaires. Then I see that tutor who had failed me in his subject. Before this I was very hateful of him. This was the only subject I failed in,,very close to the passmark. I had done very well in the other modules so I held this against him. However as I called out his name and stepped forward to meet him,the anger was gone..
"Its ok Ian,,its not your faullt. I did not read through what Id written. And that most probably is the reason why I did badly". those words just blurted out,completely different from what I was feeling about this situation before.
I felt an understanding for him and his responsiblities. I also felt that in some strange way this may help me move forward. In doing the referral well I may fare better in the dissertations later on this year.
I spoke with him,he seemed helpful. So now I suppose its upto me to take responsiblity. And take this one last chance to recover at least a pass mark in this module. This,needless to say,is vital in getting my masters.
So Im doing the Third Step on this and turning it over,,,all over again.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Seems like each time i try to see too far into the future,I am afraid again. That makes me irrational and uneasy.
I am coping with the Just for today suggestions. Meaning I am doing small tasks on a daily basis that will get the overall job done in the future.
Now ,I also am aware that procrastination has been a major problem for me. I put off doing things,so things pile up and then I have to struggle and stress out. This seems to be the logical consequence of putting things off for the last moment.
Then again it may be coming from the adictive personalities affinity to revel in crisis-situation ! hmmmmmm
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Im having an especially difficult time formally organizing my time.
Take this morning for example; I have so many options because this is not a time tabled day for university. So many choices that I am left confused. Sometimes even doing a bit of prioritizing is hard.
So here I am sittting in front of the laptop and thinking "maybe this is a self defining moment" then the next thought I have is "what do I really want to do today that is conversant with my aims of scoring well in studies and balancing that with recovery?"
In fact I wanted to to Leeds. Not only to go to a meeting there but also to recover some money that was charged wrongly to my card. However as I was getting ready to go, I was faced with a moment of self doubt ; thinking if I had forgotten or overlooked something.
Moreover living alone here, I have some chores to do too. I first have to close the road tax on my car. Its busted the engine and I dont want to spend as much as they're asking to repair it. Then I need to visit an employers fair and check job scenes. Later it is onto Leeds,money recovery,meeting and back and some study.
Fine plan. But Im also wondering if theres something else I need to do. This is what I want to organize. Within the parameters of oue 12 Step Tradition.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Did the Leeds meeting. What a trip,,nice and good. Went to the employers fair and got good vibes from the Natural Parks Service and took a volunteer form. Seems lifes taking me that way. Then a fab train journey and I did a bit of reading and writing. Did the same later too at Leeds bus interchange.
Then a great 2 milewalk to the meeting.
11th Step in the meeting tonite. Great shares all around,but it began with a complete reading of Step 11 from the Text.
Train back home after being dropped off at the station by Bernie . Read a bit on the train. Then ogled at a cute chick that was sitting in the front seat. She gave some vibes but I let it go,,,,got class early in the morning. Home cooked dinner,,and now this. Goodnite all....
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Similar to some of my days and my thought process works about the same prioritizing all the time, I always try to take care of things that need taking care of immediately the rest can wait till they become immediate LOL.
Making other people happy, employer, customers they come first in my life thats the $$ ticket that keeps my life moving keeps the truck on the road food in my mouth roof overhead.
PRIORITY #1 RECOVERY, Serenity and calm , even in crisis even in over whelming situations. I let my intuitiveness and God's will for me flow I listen closely, I channel my energy through these key channels working them in tandem not always easy to to know which to follow and having to choose is hard some times.
Hey-I went for my master's while on welfare, being a single parent to a toddler, getting sober (was drug-free at least) and leaving a batterer while my cars were always dying at crucial moments...trust me, U CAN DO THIS!!!! LOL
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
excuse the interuption 
