I see you guys are senior members. How long has it been for you? You are both very wise. Thank you for all your help and kind words. Even though I started by admitting, I credit you for saving me.
A few words go a very long way when they are said from the heart.
It's has almost been 3 years this time, I came back after relapsing after 5 years clean without much of a program to live by, when I came back I joined up with NA and found a workable program and a good support group right here on this site.
Main thing is find some good reasons to stay clean, for me I got sick and tired of running from myself and my troubled mind I just wanted to man up and be resposnible for myself and my actions, I wanted my life to be manageable.
After my relapse I realized a few things, , #1 my life was unmanagable even when I was completely clean I also learned that using was still an option especially with the turmoil going on inside and being unhappy, I lacked the necessary spirituality in my lfe to help me deal with day to day life stuff. These things I had missed or ignored and after a relapse there was no ignoring them anymore. I also learned that I can not take any sort of mind mood alterting pain medications, thats also part of what set off my relapse into full pledged active use.
My drug of choice is crack cocaine and alcohol, my symptoms are of an addict with an allergy type disease, the drug matters not its the reasons behind using that is our common bond along with a solution which is a program of recovery, a WE program where we learn and grow by association and why we need to gather together as often as possible other wise we tend to alienate ourselves and the disease often times take full advantage of our powerlessness.
Did that make sense LOL hope so, keep coming back might not now but later on it might more.
Thanks Emily , I wouldnt consider myself a wise person her. Ive been carried through some of my problems by Big V and a few others. The most important thing Ive gotten is that the problem is Anthony.
When I learned so turn the voices in my head off and listen to other addicts , things got much easier for me.
Also accepting that drugs were not my problem. They were just the way I dealt with my problem. Which again was ME.
That is not to say Im not a drug addict, I am. I used for 30 years technically because of a 7 year stretch where I was clean but was not recovering. Because I failed to do the step work I count my using time as 37 years.
As of right now today 8 months and 18 days without dope.
How can you thank me ? As a newcomer you are the most important person. Through you I get to do service. My number one priority is to carry the message of recovery. Its important to me that I set an example of that recovery by the way I live.
Its the same thing that was done for me so freely. So you thank me when you keep coming back. Someday , maybe soon a newcomer will ask you for help. And you will know how to help them. Thats how we all thank each other daily. One day at a time.
Anthony G
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
Thank you Anthony. I beg to differ. You are very wise. Everything you say brings a new light to my recovery. I am deeply grateful and already I do try to help the others. I live a life of service anyway and I enjoy it. What you have done is enormous in terms of your recovery. You show people like me that there are other avenues in life.
I just wrote to another poster that I think addicts are intrinsically very sensitive people and that is why we enjoy coming together in recovery, we finally find the love we've been craving and swallowing down with drugs.
It really REALLY helps us who post here often to see a few of you keep coming back and staying clean, Anthony is an example of someone who started off here like day 1? and has been staying clean.
Yeah it does something for my ego that ego the drives me to keep helping others and that knowing what I know through long experience, through failure and success , I have something to give back to others that is helpful to them. Helping others helps me feel whole and with purpose, thats a good feeling inside.
Thank you Anthony. I beg to differ. You are very wise. Everything you say brings a new light to my recovery. I am deeply grateful and already I do try to help the others.
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
