For the first time ever I think I need to admit my problem. I'm a single mom and I'm doing well at work and supporting my son but inside I am falling apart. I have an addiction to pot that I can't let go of. Almost nobody knows about it. All these years I've told myself it's okay because it's not something worse. My X was an alcoholic, believe me that was worse. I've known coke heads, so much worse too.
I have functioned so well it's easy to pretend that I am better, but I am not. I have been thinking deep inside for so long that it's time to quit. Come to find out I can not. I tell myself it helps me deal with life but that is a lie, all it does it put me in a fog and endanger my health. I don't know why all of a sudden, today, it has all hit me like a ton of bricks. It's overwhelming to face it. I'll be so grateful if someone can talk some sense into me.
A friend of mine in the program recently joined Marijuana Anonymous. I don't know where you are, but here is a link to their website it should help you! (BTW I am NOT saying you aren't welcome and don't come here! You are! I just had no idea about this MA meetings thought you would like to know) Glad you're here, here it is: http://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/ Peace, Rachel
The disease is ADDICTION. The substance or behavior abuse is the symptom. NA will work for you if you work it.
The first step is ABSTINENCE. Recovery can't happen without abstinence. Are there some meetings in your area that you can attend? There is no magic answer or pill or secret and it's not complicated. We just don't use, no matter what. We use the steps to recover from the disease, the support of the fellowship to not pick up and a sponsor to guide us through.
Welcome home and find a meeting. You can go to www.na.org, meeting search and find meetings near you.
HUGS!!!
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
Yes its addiction! It doesnt matter what it is. Sex, drugs, food or whatever. You have taken your first step by admitting something is wrong. Keep coming back! Go to meetings! 90 Meetings in 90 days. Your old friends who still smoke are gone! Meet new clean friends in NA. Ill keep you in my prayers.
I smoked pot every 20 minutes from 1972 to 1990 or so (clean since '94). I thought no one could possibly understand the way I feel. I thought I could not live without being high, couldn't drive, go to the bank, work, nothing. Everything else to a distant back seat to getting high. I did a lot of other drugs, but smoking pot was like breathing. Anyway, it took a while but I got clean (went to my first meeting in 91). I was never able to get past the third day. After one day of quitting (I quit thousands of times) I was always so proud, the second day I wouldn't be quite so sure, and the third day.... you'd better get out of my way. Anyway, please please please go to a meeting. Today I am a productive member of society, and a really really good father. I usually know what I feel, and I make calls, work steps, sponsor some guys, have a sponsor, and so forth. Give the program a chance - you CAN do this!!!
Thanks Dave. Today is day three for me. Yesterday went well. I took a sleeping pill at night (don't worry, OTC) - and so I got through the night. You and everyone here has helped me so much. I also joined MA (Marijane Anon) where they have a live chat. That was pretty good too, I chatted two hours away, it was two hours I didn't smoke. I have also smoked for so many years I can't even type it yet because then it is too much of reality for now. Please stay with me if you can. Thank you
Congrats on staying away from pot... keep the miracle alive...
I smoked pot for 15 years, all the other drugs on top of pot kept changing over these years, but pot was the only constant, everyday.
I took it to be able to deal with my everyday life. To cope with my thought life, to numb my overwhelming emotions, to be able to function through the day, and that means, without pot, I could not, and that I later identified as my real problem. I had a living problem, I had a problem showing up for the day, I had a problem dealing with my thoughts, I had a problem experiencing my emotions, I had a problem socializing, I had a problem accepting me as I was, and so I fixed it all with pot, to such a level over the years that I went crazy in my head, slowly I turned from neurotic to psychotic, paranoid, panick-stricken, full of anxiety and fear all the time, no personal-grooming, shabby appearance, started thinking filth, spending my time day-after-day with people living on the roadside even though I had my home, my bedroom, and every other material blessing that one could ask for. That's what pot did to me. Somehow it convinced me over years of smoking that living this way was more appealing. And to begin with, I never imagined that I would do all that, become all that I did after a few years, as I was a bright, intelligent, educated, considerably well-to-do materially and excellent at my education/career. And still pot took me down to degradation, alienation and depravity, to a level where I had doubts if these people who are claiming to be my father, mother, siblings etc. are really so; to a level where my psychotherapist suggested Electro-Convulsive Therapy as a last resort after everything else had failed. That's how soft the soft drug of pot was, for me
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
It's not as mild as they say. I now understand the other side, the ppl who are against it. I just voted to legalize it in the last election and they did decriminalize it. Now I wish I hadn't done that, I see the harm in it. Stay well dude, maybe we can survive together.
Thanks, very true what you said - together we can accomplish what we could never do alone
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
