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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> What to do?
Post Info TOPIC: What to do?
happy46619


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What to do?
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Hi I am new here. I am a step parent to a 24 year old, and its been very trying for me since I met his dad in 2003. I am at a loss, I have been born with tough love with my family and find it so hard to believe that my husband nor his family will hear me. My step son, since I have been in the picture has not really held a job down, drug abuse, disrespectful to everyone, steals from our home. And I love him, but seriously anymore I am so full of anger not just at him but his whole family who feels sorry for him. His Grandma, my husbands mom bought him his second car, she just bought him a home, and has made all the payments since, including the electric and gas payments. I don't know how to get them all to see that this "Kid" who is suppose to be a man will never learn if they do not stop giving him the red carpet treatment. The thing is in my home his dad lets him come over and take food, which makes me angry because the grocery bill is entirely mine, and I have two kids, plus another of his at home.. Its like I am so angry at this kid, I can't stand to look at him, which I know is not entirely his fault it is just as much my husbands, and everyone elses.. This kid blew up at me in November called me some unthinkable things, didn't speak for his dad so Christmas wouldn't be horrible I went to him for a fake apology, I didn't even get a thank you for there gifts.. Oh yeah his 21 year old girlfriend lives with him with no job, no car and also a drug habit.. If anyone can help me out I would love to hear some sound advice, I love my husband, and actually care deeply for his son, but I can't take this anymore.. What happens when grandma passes, what then? I don't know what to do?
Help me please..

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TorturedSoul


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It is hard to detach from a child that you have raised your whole life.  Try to picture this same situation but it is your child. What would you do?

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TorturedSoul


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Actually I have seen this situation before. Where a parent totally gives their addicted child anything they want/need. While the child does not work and it is out in the open that they are using drugs. As an outsider looking in I myself was so angry. Here I was clean, working 2 jobs and struggling to pay my bills and no help was offered nor given to me. Thinking about it now it stills makes me angry. I warned the person all the time and told them the money was not being spent on food. But the person continued forking it over. So I do understand your anger. But I just have to remind myself that if it were my child I don't know how I would handle it. I can't imagine ever turning my back on my own child. Anyways sorry that I don't have good advice for you.hmm

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Tahir


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Happy, have you read any of Melodie Beattie books? Please get hold of one and read... I'm sure that will help you a lot...

Also, check out these websites for support...

www.nar-anon.org

http://www.coda.org/

Here's the Melody Beattie link too...

http://www.melodybeattie.com/

Also, there's a Al-Anon forum here at MIP that might help...

http://www.12stepforums.net/alanon.html

Best wishes.

-- Edited by Tahir at 01:33, 2009-02-05

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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
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