Hello.. im 45 years old and my partner is 31 years old. I had been addicted to something for over 30 years. It started out drinking, then sex, then pot, and then prescription narcotics. I had major surgery 2 years ago as a result of my addictions. Two years ago one of my using buddies hung herself and 1 year later her husband overdosed. I went threw IOP and am not 1 1/2 years clean... My partner however is still smoking pot and popping pills. He also got clean from meth just 3 years ago. He now is in that jeckle and hyde mode. I never know what to expect. Its hard for me because we have been together for 14 years. He is good about doing all the shit away from me. I have no urge to use at all. My problem is that he now is blaming me for his addiction. He says he has to use to stay useful and to keep him able to work. He also says he has to use to stay with me. He has also stated lately that im not spending enough time with my family(him). Im spending to much time with NA. I have already have told him that wont change. I feel great and I have real friends now. I am a enabler and I realize that. I am very active in my local group. I also chair a meeting now. I am also working my steps. My biggest fear is that im going to come home and find him dead. I am also a EMT and see death all the time. But I still dont know how I would react to this. I am the only family he has left. I still love him very much but I will not ruin my recovery. My life is not perfect but it is much better than it was when I was using. If anyone has any comments please let me know.
I know I have thought about that. Ill try to find one close. Like I said im not even had the thought to use. I just want my homelife better now that im clean... and recovering...
Just wanted to say thank you to all my family in the meetings! I have 18 months clean today!!! I did it one day at a time. Also my partner has come to me yesterday to talk..... he said he is sorry for what he had said about NA and told me he is going to wen off the pills and pot. I hope he can do it. At the very least he took the first step. Im not holding my breath, but I am praying for it everyday.... What a great present. Maybe he is finally seeing how happy I am being clean... Thanks to all of you!!!!
Congratulations on 18 Months of Recovery, way to go! Yes, staying and living clean is an attraction for others in our lives who are still using... I've noticed that all I need to do is live clean and keep working the program, and another gets the message when the time is right for them to achieve that breakthrough from active addiction... Prayers and best wishes for you and your partner
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Todd, I am a prescription opiate addict, I have 2 days clean. Haven't been able to put even a week together for a long time now and just reading that you seem to have the same problem and just got 18 months...wow. That gives me hope, cuz seriously I can't even imagine that right now! I will be ecstatic to get a MONTH. Anyway, I just felt like telling you that, thank you. Rachel
Also, wanted to say after reading how your partner is acting, that is SO me in my addiction. Throughout my using, I blamed my bf for my addiction. He could NEVER give me enough because I was trying to use him (along with drugs) to fill that huge hole in my heart. God knows he tried to cater to my bullshit for a while, til he finally got smart and basically told me to fuck off. I was putting more pressure on him and our relationshp than anyone deserves. I lied to him about anything and everythign surrounding my addiction. Most of all I was angry. Angry with myself but focused all that anger on him, our situation, etc. I actually wrote a long letter to him and ended up really benefiting from looking honestly at the situation. It makes me so sad the shit I have done to my loved ones in addiction. For me, as hard as it has been, the best gift he gave me was walking away. We do live together still, only because we have a daughter and I can't afford to move out really, we are just co existing together at this point. There may be hope in the future, I don't know. But him finally having enough, the last person who was cosigning my bullshit stopped doing it and it was what I needed. Just food for thought. HUG
Sounds like we have alot in common. It is hard to surrender and get off the drugs. I had no support as you have read. My biggest support was the meetings and my new clean friends. I had to give up alot of so called friends. I know that the new friends will always be there for me. Are you attending meetings? Do you have a sponcer? I check my email often every day if you ever need to chat. My email is marigoldhead@hotmail.com I am in Illinois. Just remember take one hour or even one day at a time. Todd
Well, I have almost the opposite problem (but maybe it's not really a problem) in that I got to the point where I began totally isolating in my addiction. I have almost no friends anymore. I did however, just kick my one so called friend who was giving me a lot of the drugs I was doing to the curb. Long story with that one, I used her so I am just as much to blame there I'm sure there's an amends to be made down the road. Anyway, yes I am going to meetings, just got back from 6:30 am...ugh...lol it was pretty good. I don't know how much I am actually getting from them with 3 days but I have to go so I do. I was told to share so I am. I need to get a sponsor, I hope to do that this week. I'm in Denver, CO. Thanks, Todd have a great day we'll talk again soon I'm sure, trying to stay connected.... Rachel
Have you thought about separating from him maybe until he starts to get sober? I know you have a lot more time than I do but I can't fathom living with that day in and day out and staying sober myself. Although I guess it could be a good constant reminder of what you never want to go back to? Well, I'm thinking about you and of course any time you need to talk just email me as well: rach80sbaby@yahoo.com I'm off to start my day, the little boss lady won't let me be online too long before she starts acting up lol. Have a great day Rachel
Sounds like you are in the right direction. The meetings only work if work them. Grasp all the info you can. You will find that something in everyones story you can relate too. Read, Read, Read!!! Get a sponcer when you feel the right person is there. You might like what they have to say or you might find that they are working the program. Give it all a chance.... go to the special get togethers that the group may have. This is a good way to keep clean and meet more people. Take your kids and husband or boyfriend! Read your daily meditation. And if you get in trouble call your phone list or email me or someone. We are all in the same boat. We just all got there a little different. Have a great day!
