im three days in of being clean and my own mom cant even help me!!she instead tries to bait me and trys to anger me and accuse me of using.....when i know deepdown im doing right.why??? isnt she supposed to be happy for me? she asked me to get clean and i did. im trying to not be so angry and not lash out and be more calm approaching things. she will end up driving me to use again she really will...and i dont want that! I been doing good for once...i need help and suggestions please!!!!what do i do???
B Saint. Your mom is acting in a habitual manner, thinking that you are still using. She is ill also and needs time to adjust to your getting clean. Just calmly tell her that you're not using. Best thing is to get to meetings daily. This will show without a doubt, that you're working to stay clean.
I think 3 days clean is probably a little early to be even comprehending steps and principles and that's OK!
You are vulnerable and feeling scared and your disease would LOVE for you to find an excuse to use again... Don't believe the lie!
You Mom is who she is and it probably took some time for her to lose trust in you. We don't generally earn trust back in three days. Be patient with her and with yourself. Gently, when you're NOT at the point of screaming at her, suggest she try a nar-anon or al-anon meeting. The people who love addicts often become very co dependent and co dependents like/need to control. She does not understand her powerlessness over you so she continually attempts to exert control and power.
Go to meetings, meetings, meetings. Get phone numbers, TALK TO PEOPLE! Get a support group within the program. The more you are at meetings, the less you are interacting with a very frightened mother. The more phone numbers you have and use, the better your chances are of not tipping over the edge into insanity again.
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"The truth doesn't change based on my inability to stomach it". - Flannery O'Connor
How about this one my parents didn't even know I was using. My dad didn't find out until after I had seeked help from na, he read my journal and foundout that way. He has accused me of using before and you know what I have to remember I am working a program and he is not. I feel like you there are times when I would love to yell and scream but I do a different approach when he wants to accuse me I just start saying the Serenity Prayer over and over. This does calm me down and will calm you down also. This is my experience strength and hope for you. Don't allow yourself to react, that is how we used to act in active addiction I know that is how I used to. I then journal about my day. I apologize and say what can I do for you to make it better? He doesn't ever expect that at all.
My parents were always on my case in early recovery. I wasn't living near them and they would call everyday. If i missed their phone call they assumed I was using and it was driving me insane, until i thought about it from their point of view. They have watched me destroy myself for ten years. They were always bailing me out of tough situations, picking me up from places across the country( they actually flew one time to come get me). They saw me into treatment for three months and relapse 4 hours after being let out. They watched me live on the streets, and come home only to crash for a couple of days, eat then leave again. They went weeks without knowing if i was alive... and spend years waiting for a phone call from the police telling them to come identify their daughter. They went through emotional hell. So I had to cut them some slack, because my pattern was to not answer the phone and use. They didn't know a clean me, they didn't know how long that was going to last. They were praying it would but assumed the pattern would prevail. I learned to kindly laugh and reassure them that I was at a meeting or just away from my phone. I learned to give them a break. It took about 7months of continous clean time before they were able not to freak out if i didn't answer the phone. After that amount of time , they thought i was probably in a meeting, not using, cause i proved to them that i was working towards a better life. I call them now and today I can enjoy my parents. I learned to be pacient with them and let them heal as I had to heal myself
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
you did'nt become an addict overnight and you won't get clean over night you might suggest to your mom to go to narcanon meets or just talk to someone about addictions and maybe se will see that she is probably an enabeler but again it took time to get where you are and it will take time for the peeps in your life to see any change in you and get out of your head and don't rent space to others in your head just work the first3 steps and stay clean getr your phone list going and get a sponser and get to meets you will get there
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
she will end up driving me to use again she really will...
Is that true?
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
