Just came home from a meeting w/my son and his counsler today. Everything went great until the end. My 22 yr. old son has been in jail for over two months and rehab for about 2.5 weeks(can 't understand that one)?? He was addicted to Oxycontin for two years ( and I never knew it). His life took a bad turn and crumbled before him and he had to go through withdraw in jail with no help. My problem is I feel one way and he feels another on the matter of coming home and since he's been basiclly locked up for almost 3 months he wants to go out to the club. I believe... him being in jail has been a great learning lesson ( he sounds great and positive and wants to go back to school..etc. I was being kind of hard on the situation that I beleieve it's to soon and he disagrees with me. Counsler sees both points of view, but as she said "she's not there to tell me what is right." So, I told my son I'll trust him and he has assured me he never wants to go back. I know he's an adult and I'm the mom who needs to let go. Believe me I'm trying and learning and going to start going to meetings . The counsler said i need to find a support group. I stumbled over this MB looking for NA meeting and was reading messages left by others and how much it seems to help me by reading so I decide to drop on in. I'm so nerves about him coming home and extremely happy at the same time. In the beginning I felt like the other MOM ( angel was her name I think ?) feeling ill and sick physically and mentally , but it is slowly subsiding. Thanks for listening and if anyone wants to write or e-mail me please feel free for I can use any good advice I can get to help me deal with his homecomong .
Go to the club just after finishing treatment and a jail sentence, thats not the wisest decision he could make.
I would suggest he get a support group on the outside and a sponsor first who will HELP him make important decisions, his recovery should be first and foremost not getting to the club to party .
Sidney, Denial is a powerful aspect of addiction. It was denial that told me for years that I could do "just one." It was denial that told me after hundreds of times turning out tragic that "this time will be differrent." And it's denial that's telling your son it's ok to go to a club right out of rehab. However, he doesn't know it's denial. No matter how SURE you are of what is right, he HAS to get his own experience. You have already mentioned your solution, get to a support group such a nar-anon. Let him find his own solution. Unfortunately, it might take a while, sorry to say. Take care of yourself...
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
Sidney, why isn't this young man living on his own? To face supporting himself and "living life on life's terms" as we say in the program. It was suggested to me, early in recovery, to avoid going to bars and "clubs" period, but at least until I achieved a year or two of uninterrupted sobriety. There is no good reason to go to a bar or club. He wants to go there because that's where his "friends" are, and will fall off a sure as the sun will set. If we, as addicts, don't separate ourselves from the people, places, and things that we used to use drugs with and around, we will most likely use again. A person that wants to recover from alcohol or drug addiction has a 1 in 20 chance of making it to 1 year. The other 19 go to the club. If man enough to go the club then he's man enough to go to work every day, pay his rent, buy his food, gas, clothes.....
Believe me I totally agree with everyone that it's not a wise choice. He maybe 22, but is still very young. Tried explaining this to him at the couseling session, and told him he should be doing these things that each of you already have suggested. I will try again with him and forward your thoughts and suggestions on to him. My son hasn't lived w/me for about two years when I guess this all started. He was living w/his grandfather and his so call of a father(who is no better in my eyes). I don't know if it's just that he's been restricted for so long he just wants out??? When he was in jail and before he was transfered to rehab he seemed to have a better judgement call and now that he's in rehab he seems not quite on the clear side (he not on any meds)? Your right he needs to find a job and get his life back on track and if he doesn't want to do whats right and in his best interest he may have to find somewhere else to live than with me. Thanks again for all the advice it's very much appreciated.
Sorry, if it sounded as though I said it was ok to go to the club. It's not. It was turning to an argument and I didn't want to waste more time on the subject when ...believe me I'll be making it much more clear to him, along with each of you and your thoughts and suggestions for maybe he'll listen to someone else who's been there and knows better (for I the mom). Thanks, so kindly for responding back to my post. I'll remeber to be tuff.
Thanks, I know your right. As I responded back to each and everyone of you that has responded to my post I'll be using your advice to show him and tell him he's making the wrong choice. Thanks again for all your advice. God bless you, Dean, dan h and everyone else. May each day become easier and make you stronger individuals.
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