Hi everyone, I am new to the board & group. I'm hoping to catch a meeting as well. I am 43 days clean now (my first time in 8 1/2 years), it's actually the first time that I've wanted to be clean, or even thought I should be clean. I suffered from depression before I started taking the narcotics, and when I was on the narcotics I felt happy, NOT down & depressed, etc....so now that I am off them again, and since I have been home from rehab, I sleep almost ALL of the time (other than outpatient group, and my meetings). I can't make myself "get up" or even "call" people, and it's horrible, and I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know how not to. My doctor has me on anti-depressants, I have been for about 20 years now, but I just don't think they do anything. He's changed them, upped the dose, etc...but I'm still down, sad, crying, sleeping. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Thank you for listening, take care, and God Bless......
Welcome here Lori. This Forum is for the addict by the addict and as such I mjyself have been a member here for almost 6 years now. It has served as the perfect complement to live meetings and made recovery that much more available to me at all times.
In my experience it has been the degree of desire to stay clean and recover that matters and not how much or little or what we used. You are a newcomer here and it is my previlege to welcome you,,hoping that you will find what you seek in your recovery.
Recovery hugs,,,keep reading and posting and keep coming back !!!!!! It works if you work it, youre worth it so work it .!
-- Edited by Raman at 06:22, 2009-01-19
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Daily meetings, proper diet, sleep, exercise and a balanced life of work, taking care of yourself, and a social life with people in recovery to replace the one's the aren't. I made rudimentary weekly calendar that spelled out hour by hour of what I needed to do with Eat, Sleep, Work, Meetings, Exercise, Clean house, do Laundry, Play with people in recovery.... then just keep looking at it and doing it.
Welcome Lori. Many of us have different experiences and the differences don't negate the validity of opposing views. What works for some won't for others. For me, there was no such thing as balance in life early on. I immersed myself in recovery in NA. I wasn't working so I determined that my "job" was to learn how to stay clean. I went to meetings daily, usually multiple meetings daily. I called my sponsor daily. I read NA literature daily. I prayed to my Higher Power for guidance and strength daily. I developed a network of recovering addicts who I talked with regularly so that if I needed someone and my sponsor wasn't available, I would have others to fall back on. I did NA service...many service comittees require no minimum of clean time to participate. All of these activities helped me to "buy in" to NA as a way of life. Did I miss my old using buddies? Yeah, at first, but then I noticed something. When I would call some of them to see if they wanted to meet for lunch or coffee (not recommended) they always had somewhere else to be. Not once did one of them call to see if I was ok or if I needed anything after I stopped getting high and went into a recovery house. Imagine that!
After I learned to stay clean, eventually the obsession to use lifted and even the desire to use went away, THEN I had all the time I needed to bring my life back into balance with family, job, outside social interests, etc. Honestly, even today several years later, I still don't feel completely in balance with the outside world. My life is in Narcotics Anonymous and it's the best life I've ever known. I have REAL friends today. My life is very full but also very peaceful today. I have made NA my home and glad I did.
Good Luck and Keep Coming!!
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
Yes,,for me the very thought that i had to stay clean for the rest of myife in order to recover for the rest of my life drove me deep into depression. Luckily I heard someone say "Just for today,you never have to use again,no matter what !!!!!!"
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
If my observations right,addicts(me included) when newly clean are faced with two dominant mental states= depression on one hand and obssession on the other. Then the recovery routine stes in and the Steps gives us solutions.
However this dosent mean that I become totally free of human feelings. And depression too seems to come and go. This morning I was sitting watching a TV new feature about an Indian who is nominated for a music Oscar. As i watched I had a thought "Ididnt make it::::,f@#$%^& addiction"
For moments i was depressed, but then it passed. That feeling did not control my life today. In fact that depression when acepted becomes a Stepping stone towards Serenity !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Dean, thanks so much for sharing. I think that is a great idea. that is what they did in rehab (from 6am wake up call to 10 pm lights out) and it worked really well, so I will give it a shot. Today I am 90 days clean, I have a sponsor (she is AA)but I don't hear from her that much. I'm not going to put it all on her either. I haven't been to all her meetings, but I have called and she hasn't called back? I like her alot, but she was recently sick with cancer and going through chemo, she has 26 years sober, and I know she wants to be my sponsor, but I really want to work the steps. She is in New Mexico now for 6 weeks. Any suggestions on what to do? I've missed ALOT of meetings here, online as well as face to face. I'm not craving, actually haven't even thought about using, and very excited that I am 90 days clean today, but it is the depression that I fight everyday. It's getting better, but definitely still there kicking & keeping me down. I used to go to AT LEAST ONE meeting DAILY, now I'm lucky if I make one meeting A WEEK?? I go to group counseling (out patient therapy) 3 times a week, and individual counseling every Thursday morning, and I'm usually very good at catching the noon meeting on Wed, and Sat, but the other ones I struggle with. they are late (well, like 7 or 8pm)but by then I just feel like I'm exhausted and can't keep my eyes open. I try to take a nap, but I end up sleeping right through, and don't get up for the meeting? I guess I'm not good at disciplining myself AT ALL.....(eating, sleeping, no exercising, etc....)and I think all the meds they have me on (anti-depressants, etc...) make it so I can't "literally" keep my eyes open by afternnon...This is my first time around, and I DON'T want to relapse no matter what, so I know I HAVE to do this right. Thanks again for sharing with me, and letting me share as well. I really like this place, all of you are really wonderful. Take care, and God Bless always.
thanks Dan, I'm not working either, so this is great advice, along with Dean's it should give me a great start, I appreciate everyone sharing. I really like this board, I've only been to the meeting at 10pm a couple of times, but they were great. I read alot of NA and AA literature (I'm not an alcoholic, at least alcohol wasn't my problem, I didn't, nor do I drink) but there are'nt any NA meetings around here so I have to go to AA meetings. I feel like I'm lying because when I introduce myself I have to say that I am an alcoholic and an addict (in order to be allowed in the meetings)?? other than that, the meetings really help, and the people, for the most part, are great. I've been praying alot more than I used to, and I definitely see and feel a difference. Today is 90 days clean for me, and I am so excited. I just want to do this program right because I can't relapse, it's just not an option. Thank you for sharing and letting me share as well. Take care, and God Bless always.....
Raman, thanks so much for all of your sharing, I appreciate it more than you know. I can't wait for the day that I stop the thought before it kicks my butt and has me in bed or down for the day or days. It sounds so stupid, and so easy, but it is so hard. My docs have changed my meds, once again, so we'll see what happens this time. I'm thinking positive, and I have had more good days than bad, so lets hope & pray. I've giving it to God, and I just have to remember everyday not to try and take it back..... I pray every morning for His will to be done in my life, for Him to give me the strength, to guide me in the right direction, etc....Prayer is more powerful than any meds the docs give to me, I really believe that, so if all of you would join me in prayer every morning, for God to remove the depression from me, I would really appreciate it, so much. Remove the depression and face life head on, to deal with my feelings, no matter how painful they are. Thanks again, and thanks for letting me share. Take care and God Bless always.....
I just want to Thank everyone for sharing with me. I appreciate you all so much. I really love this board, and this awesome group of people. I know I don't get online everyday, but I am going to put a daily schedule together and include this in it. I have 90 days clean today, and I am so excited. This is my first time being clean in 8 1/2 years (since I started taking the pills) and I really want to work my program, I do not want to relapse, it's just not an option for me. I haven't been doing what I'm suppose to, I know that. I guess I've been trying it my way. Thank God I haven't relapsed......I need a sponsor who will be available to me, and I need to make a meeting daily, no matter what, and I HAVE to start working the steps....any suggestions?? Thanks for letting me share, I appreciate it, and all of you. Take care, and God Bless always............
I read alot of NA and AA literature (I'm not an alcoholic, at least alcohol wasn't my problem, I didn't, nor do I drink) but there are'nt any NA meetings around here so I have to go to AA meetings. I feel like I'm lying because when I introduce myself I have to say that I am an alcoholic and an addict (in order to be allowed in the meetings)?? other than that, the meetings really help, and the people, for the most part, are great.
Hi Lori, you can introduce yourself as "a greatfully recovering person" or "a member of AA" I've used both. No one cares about that. In smaller meetings, that you might consider for a "home group" tell them your story and that you need to be there, you'll be accepted graciously. Don't let your disease tell you that you don't belong in meetings. If evening meetings are too late find noon meetings and morning meetings to go to. If you're not working right now, it shouldn't be a problem. The main thing is to establish routines of regular meetings, at least 3-4 a week. Identify the ones that you feel most comfortable in and go every week. Get to know those people and let them get to know you. It's these routines that will carry you through when you start working again, and if some stressful stuff comes up. It's building your amune system against your disease. It's very easy for you to get complacient right now, because you're feeling so good. Get back into your meetings and start making friends and hanging out with them regularly. It sounds like your sponsor is unavailable right now and is probably nervous about asking you to find another sponsor because you're so new. It's ok to have more than one sponsor. I would recommend that you find another that you can work the steps with. A good place to find a good sponsor to work the steps with is in a 12 Step Study Meeting. That's where people who want to work the steps hang out. I would, and I did make a 12 step meeting my home group, and attended it every week for 3.5 years, that got me to read the entire 12 step book 15 times consequitively! The end result, besides working through steps, is that I have them "On Board" with me now, and there is so much material in that book that there is no way to absorb it all by even reading it a couple times.
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I pray every morning for His will to be done in my life, for Him to give me the strength, to guide me in the right direction, etc....Prayer is more powerful than any meds the docs give to me, I really believe that, so if all of you would join me in prayer every morning, for God to remove the depression from me, I would really appreciate it, so much. Remove the depression and face life head on, to deal with my feelings, no matter how painful they are. Thanks again, and thanks for letting me share. Take care and God Bless always.....
