my husband is a pot addict

fat · Member

my husband is a pot addict

DeanC · Guru

that's a tough one. with a 7 month old I can see why leaving would be difficult. but leaving is probably the only motivator that would work. your husband has a family, wife, house, and a job, how is he possibly going to think that his drug use is a problem? I can hear it now, "I work my ass off for you and the family and this is my one enjoyment in life...". maybe you can negotiate for the things that you want specifically, like for him to be straight on weekend mornings to be interactive with the kids, and one evening with you.
because of smoking pot (presumably) since he was a teenager, he is immature in a lot of respects, so he probably needs some kind of schedule for household chores ect... I'm reaching here can you tell?

Look for a workable solution, get organized with you specific needs and ask him, during a moment of clarity, to get on a schedule and do them. He must be some what functional if he's working.

Tahir · Member

I'm sorry that your husband suffers from addiction, and that you and your children have to be a part of this illness. I have an idea of how difficult it could be at times to live with someone with this illness, especially after having seen my parents and siblings go through what they had to, due to my addiction.

I do not live with an active addict on a daily basis now, and as such, I cannot really know how it is to be in your shoes, but I do have a recovering addict as my spouse, and I do have a few friends and sponsees out there, still suffering from this disease of active addiction. So, I guess I can share what I do to deal with my loved one's addictions.

Whenever my loved one's addiction has affected my life, I found it helpful to ask myself - What do I want for myself and my life in such a situation" instead of asking "what do I want from this person in such a situation." Maybe, finding answers to this question, and taking certain decisions/steps accordingly might help you...

Best wishes and prayers to you and your family.

AnthonyG · Senior Member

In NA we often see newcomers (and even oldtimers) focus on the differences in addicts instead of similarities. For potheads this becomes a major problem when they hear the stories of addicts using " harder " drugs.
For me I went through many long runs of hard drugs . But pot was ALWAYS in the mix. I compare it now to the broth in a really good stew. It coats everything. It was the stock that brought everything together.
I was amazed at how much of the time I was high. I couldn't drive anywhere without being high. I would not go on any outings with my family unless I had some weed. I would not want to get out of bed without weed. And chores around the house were an impossibility. I stayed high at work and convinced myself I did my best work that way.
Pot was never not used. Like your husband I often told my wife of how hard I worked and how many hours I put in. That I was like that when she met me, so she should shut-up.
Today I can see how out of touch this harmless plant made me. It allowed me to disenfranchise myself from the rest of society. My family was nothing more than a hassle. Life was a drag. My boss was a jerk. I was the only one who understood my special needs.
Because of all of that .potheads can have a tough time getting clean. The drug by all reports Ive read is not physically addictive. But the mental addiction can be powerful. I see that it is up to the addict themselves to really want to change.
Potheads can recover. They can do it with this program. But they really need to want it.
Best of luck to you. I hope it works out.

fat · Member

dean
thank you for your reply. your words rang true on many levels. becauswe i only work 10hours a week and he full time. he often tells me after i have whinged about his lack of help around the home that if im not happy, i should go and earn more money blah blah..he is a baker too, so this is another part of the problem. he blames his lack of energy and lethergy to the hours that he works. 2am -11am (for eg) so by the afternoon early evening he is tired. i get this! but either have a nap during the day or go to bed early! i understand he workes crazy hours. but its the only job he has ever done (22 years) and i said to him only the other day, "you should be used to the hours by now and if you cant get yourself into a sleep routine by now, thats your problem" .yes he does fucntion quite regularly but often and i mean often, he slips. for eg this weekend..he laid around he house all weekend and didnt lift a finger to help m, even when we were having guests for dinner. and only talks to me once he has smoked pot and whatever is pissing him off has obviously lessoned due to the drug

fat · Member

Tahir
Thank you for your reply. I will ask myself those questions and hope some clarity will come to me, through the help of this programme and alanon

fat · Member

anthony g
thank you for your reply. i hear so much of what you said come from his mouth. he doesnt go to work stoned or even wake up and smoke. but it his a daily occurance when he gets home and there is definatley a mental routine to this dreaded drug, which so many dont think is to serious. (like hell its not). he has done heavier drugs but only socially and not for a long time. im not really concerned about it escalating in that way. after smoking,especially for the first time that day, he always goes to the toliet. so its like when you said that you couldnt go do things without smoking. so its like he cant shit without being stoned. im just so sick of his mood swings, they are almost the worst thing. one day he is the beautiful person that i fell in love with and the next he is this evil uncaring selfish man. this is the man that i struggle to live with and dont think that i or my chlildren deserve to live with

dan h · Senior Member

Hi fat, thanks for your post. You mentioned alanon, have you tried Nar-anon? It is the NA equivilent of alanon. There you may find others who share your problem. Try www.nar-anon.org There is a meeting locator at this site. There are also online meetings. Good luck and keep us "posted." Dan

-- Edited by dan h at 00:22, 2009-01-11

fat · Member

dan h
thank you so much for the info on nar-anon. i have been looking for such a group and now thanks to you i have found one. ox

Boondock_saint85 · Veteran Member

Well... today is my first day clean off of pot. I'll admit I had a very difficult time of coming to terms with it being a problem. Because for me... pot was just well pot. Then it got to smoking every day all day. Couldnt go to work, couldnt go out, couldnt be around family, couldnt handle stress or just everyday things unless I was high. It went from pot to pills to pot and pills to pot and shrooms and so forth. To boot if I wasnt high I was a grade a asshole. Couldnt sleep eat w/o it. I told myself that I wasnt a addict that I was perfectly functional... until my job of four years came in jepordy.
The first time I tried going clean was when my dad passed from drugs. I told my then boyfriend I wanted to quit and he still brought it around me. I caved. Kept telling myself well Im not doing the drugs he did until one night of smoking pot it was offered to me. Wake up call that was. Left after that but still didnt learn. Realize now how much of a selfish person it made me. I guess thats why I joined here. I cant achieve anything if im stuck in slow mode ya know? I guess Im here because of the fact of my three lil brothers I have now my mom and my fiancee. I realize now I have support but they dont really get it. Idk if that makes sense but im done rambling.

fat · Member

boondock saint

thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. be strong and goodluck. i hope that my husband finds the same strength that your showing. that is the problem with pot, everyone thinks that its just pot. its so much more, as you know. he goes to work straight an doesnt wake up and smoke, but cant do much of anything else without it. he certianly is a real arsehole when hes not stoned and so calm afterwoods, sometimes i dont know whats worse, esp if we have had an argument and all of a sudden he is ok. he might be ok, but where does it leave me? he is easily annoyed and extremly hard to wake up, once he has fallen asleep on the lounge. and when we try to wake him, and eventually wakes up, he is very angry. isnt going to bed a normal everyday thing? so you werent rambling , listen to me! im glad that you have the love and support of your family and i too am sending you lots of encouragement. all we want for our loved ones is to be happy and sober.
by the way, i lost my dad to cancer 5years ago. i do understand your sorrow..

Boondock_saint85 · Veteran Member

I felt after my dad died that I wasnt on him enough to quit. He was sober five years until 03. So it was like my runaway. I felt guilt I smoked... I felt like I was about to grieve I smoked. I didnt mourn my dad until about few months ago. ( and its been 13 months since his passing) I mean it was id wake up wake and bake (lol at term) id work few hours sneak off and smoke come back high as a kite. It doesnt make it any easier when the people I work with ALL smoke. I used to use that as a reason. I think my longest sobriety was for 25 days. And that was in August. I slipped up in sept and smoked all the way up to december when I got busted by my mom. I denied denied denied. She then told my fiancee on xmas day and she swore it was between her and I. I felt betrayed but my fiancee understood and said just get back up dust yourself off and try again. Im not disappointed but when you feel like that to use talk to me. Then she ended up having to move and I couldnt handle the sep. sooo I smoked. And for some reason today I found EVERY excuse NOT to smoke. Im actually kind of proud of myself.

What do I do if I want to smoke and no one is around? I mean I know when I stopped smoking I couldnt eat couldnt sleep I felt nauseated and got that dry heave omg i think im gonna be sick deal... is that normal? My mom says that I cant get that way from pot.. is that true????

fat · Member

boondock saint
do you ever get nights sweats and cramps?? i wonder how much these are related to the drug? it was so funny to hear you say that you used to blame it on the people that you work with. my husband uses the same excuse. he is a baker/pastry cook. becuase they work crazy hours and like most blokes come home from work and have a beer (in the arvo) because its morning when they finish, apparently its more acceptable to smoke pot instead. alot of bakers smoke pot according to my husband. there is always an excuse one way or another..i hope that you are still doing well today..stay strong.even though you said that your dad was an addict im sure that he wouldnt be proud of you for following him in his footsteps. he wouldnt want you going down that same path..

Boondock_saint85 · Veteran Member

I know.. and thats one of the things I was arguing with myself over. I thought it as im not using the same drug so its not the same. But I always had this fear that I would try something else and get hooked. I always said I would just do pot. Pot turned to me loving pills.... perks vic's valiums (Valiums I didnt like because I locked myself in my room wouldnt come out and got serverly depressed it was bad) to shrooms and salvia. And scary thing was I loved the shrooms and the salvia. I was over drawing my account by like 300 just for pot. Shrooms I was given to for free and pills also given free. I finally cut my card up because I got tired of being broke tired of owing money I couldnt pay back. I have yet to over draw my account! Then I figured if I was only spending 60 instead of 125 that was fine... then it went from 60 to making a 20 last me a week. I guess it was my way of cutting back. I was tempted to call someone to pick up yesterday but I didnt. I finally deleted the numbers to all the ppl who deal. (that one was done a few times but somehow ended back up in my phone) Im hoping it can stay deleted. Today isnt bad so far yet I have only been up a hour. lol.
And not to mention I cant use work as an excuse I realized. That is OTHER ppl's choices why should it affect mine?

CLEAN42DAY · Newbie

AnthonyG wrote:

In NA we often see newcomers (and even oldtimers) focus on the differences in addicts instead of similarities. For potheads this becomes a major problem when they hear the stories of addicts using " harder " drugs.
For me I went through many long runs of hard drugs . But pot was ALWAYS in the mix. I compare it now to the broth in a really good stew. It coats everything. It was the stock that brought everything together.
I was amazed at how much of the time I was high. I couldn't drive anywhere without being high. I would not go on any outings with my family unless I had some weed. I would not want to get out of bed without weed. And chores around the house were an impossibility. I stayed high at work and convinced myself I did my best work that way.
Pot was never not used. Like your husband I often told my wife of how hard I worked and how many hours I put in. That I was like that when she met me, so she should shut-up.
Today I can see how out of touch this harmless plant made me. It allowed me to disenfranchise myself from the rest of society. My family was nothing more than a hassle. Life was a drag. My boss was a jerk. I was the only one who understood my special needs.
Because of all of that .potheads can have a tough time getting clean. The drug by all reports Ive read is not physically addictive. But the mental addiction can be powerful. I see that it is up to the addict themselves to really want to change.
Potheads can recover. They can do it with this program. But they really need to want it.
Best of luck to you. I hope it works out.

Tahir · Member

For potheads this becomes a major problem when they hear the stories of addicts using " harder " drugs.

I remember visiting my substance abuse counselor after 2 weeks of my discharge from my rehab for my follow-up. When she asked me if I was clean, I said yes. I did not touch any hard drug, that I was able to just keep it down to soft stuff like pot and beer. She asked me "Tahir, how soft are your so-called soft drugs really?"

That shook me up from my denial when we both discussed the issue further. I realized that I thought, felt and behaved the same way on these so-called soft drugs as I would on the harder ones. There was no change in me. It was then that it hit me that it's not the drugs that I use, that using is only one of many symptoms of the more dangerous and serious problem that I have - the disease of addiction. It was ME who was the real problem, not the substance.

I was sick physically, mentally and spiritually, whether I used hard drug or soft drug or even when I did not use anything. I'm powerless over MY addiction (not merely over drugs). I am capable of obsessizing over anything and following it up with compulsive behavior by acting out my obsession. All the time, I can very easily convince myself that I'm in control (denial) contrary to all the damage and the harm that is happening both within me and around me because of my sickness...

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