Had a conversation tonight with an addict who admitted that he knows using will kill him, but that it is something he has accepted and uses anyway. He said that he was never happy with or without drugs, but that using was worth the consequences- even death. I was never in that frame of mind, but wondered how many on here have been and how they finally chose life...
hey that was me. I had accepted my addiction and the way i lived my life. At one point I was actually proud of living on the streets with a needle in my arm... i thought hey least i was living...... It took a suicide attempt to wake me up... it also took someone in this program showing me happyness without drugs. I had to have a harsh reality check and a guardian angel show me that my "pride" was fake and that I was truely unhappy. Once I saw this I made a commitment that I would try... hey at least my life couldn't get any worse right? My life has improved and for the first time in 13years I am truely happy with myself, but it took a lot of work in a lot of areas of my life.... sometimes it takes someone seeing others be happy to realize that it is possible for them.... death is too final but in active use sometimes it seems like the only way out, I'm glad my hp decided that I could have another chance at life.
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
When I was actively using, I didn't care if I lived or died. I just wanted to get high.
I finally chose life when I was court-stipulated to rehab. A counselor there really touched me. She helped me to come out of denial and see reality. At the same time during a guided meditation practice, I discovered a spark of life within me. That little spark wanted to live and I decided that I would try to turn it into a flame.
I absolutely relate to that. And I still struggle on a 2nd step because there was never any sanity to be restored to. I was nutso before I started using. Using dope made my insanity brearable until the using itself became a problem. At that point WHAT WAS THERE LEFT TO DO ? I could go on to the bitter end. Or I could choose life. I knew already that my way wasent working. Quitting drugs was scary but not nearly as scary as living life clean and having to finally face myself. At that point I was ready to do the stepwork. The steps are a ways and means of filling the void I had before I ever started using. Each step fills a void yet also creates another one that will be filled by the next step. And so. the journey begins.
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
I couldn't imagine life without drugs an alcohol either but I slowly grew into it and I LOVE not being high and LOVING LIFE clean and no longer being a prisoner to it.
Us kinda People are lazy and I bet if that guys alive on his death bed so to speak he'll wished he'd tried just a little harder to change things.
How and when do you get to that point where you want to quit for real for life?I get down sometimes and even attempted suicide in the past but I never really get to that point where I want to live without them:(
When you are physically, mentally, spiritually bankrupt.
Who is an addict ?
Most of us do not have to think twice about this question . WE KNOW ! Our whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or anther-the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. Very simply , an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs. We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same : jails, institutions and death .
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
How and when do you get to that point where you want to quit for real for life?I get down sometimes and even attempted suicide in the past but I never really get to that point where I want to live without them:(
we only quit for a day at a time. it's a lot easier that way . are you going to meetings and/or reading the NA literature? Those questions are answered in the 1st step.
NS, we do get to the point where we are much happier without drugs/drinking than we were with. It's a change of consciousness and perspective from an illusion to reality. The only way to have a really good time today is to be here, not off on a cloud waiting to come down. Ever day that we are high is a day that we can't possibly be happy because we're simply just not here.
my oldest brother told me something like that many years ago, when i was 20+ anything. he said you have to die anyway. why without the fun you can have with drugs.
i was concerned about his arguments along period fo time. because they are easy and consequental.
but with the time of dont taking anything i get the knowledge that i like the clean and sober life with all its troubles a lot more than the druglife. because iam connected with myselfe. it is not always a easy connection but the longer i stay clean and sober the more i learn to cope with me my feelings, my bugs and strenghts.
so why should i use untli i die. i know that i die anyway. if i use or not. in the time that is left i will stay in connection with myselfe and percive the people and world around me.
in the end it is a decision.
it is a littlebit useless think about if it is a good or a bad decision.
I think that point is different for all of us but I heard an addict describe it once as "the gift of desperation". That rang very true for me.
I was in my 40's, pregnant, could not stop using and got busted. I was facing a good stint in jail and saddling my unborn child with a birth cert. that had TXDOCJ on it. That was the gift of desperation for me. I haven't used since that day. I received probation instead of jail, I completed it without incident and today I live a program of recovery that consists of meetings, sponsorship (both ways), fellowship, a higher power and the steps and principles.
Godspeed!
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"The truth doesn't change based on my inability to stomach it". - Flannery O'Connor
I like where the text talks about how sometimes the only "message" a using addict needs is the example of a recovering addict happily living the program. HOPE is the very first spiritual principle I was introduced to in NA. HOPE is the ONLY spiritual principle that can be given away. HOPE kept me coming long enough to find that place of surrender and surrender has led to acceptance which has been the key to my recovery. This was my process. Perhaps this addict would also benefit from the hope to be found in NA. We acknowledge and pray for him with each moment of silence we observe at our meetings. Thanks for posting, Codependent.
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
I'm basically ambivalent about life. In some ways I want to live, in other ways, I wish I could get it over with. An OD sure wouldn't be the worst way out I can think of, but obviously I wouldn't be here if that was the whole story. I think deep down there is some part of me that knows better and I'm trying to get in touch with that part.
I'm basically ambivalent about life. In some ways I want to live, in other ways, I wish I could get it over with. An OD sure wouldn't be the worst way out I can think of, but obviously I wouldn't be here if that was the whole story. I think deep down there is some part of me that knows better and I'm trying to get in touch with that part.
It'll happen for you when the urge to live overtakes the urge to destroy yourself. There is a voice deep down that you need to listen to. The voice of your authentic self. It's the voice that brought you here.
and I bet if that guys alive on his death bed so to speak he'll wished he'd tried just a little harder to change things.
. are you going to meetings and/or reading the NA literature? Those questions are answered in the 1st step. 
