I am 22 and in recovery and love my life to pieces.. NA has given me a completely new way of life and I am so grateful for NA, the fellowship and the people in it - even those I am yet to meet.. Since coming to NA my life has changed - I have actually got a life today... I work a program and am committed to growing along spiritual lines... The miracles keep on happening!! However, my recovery is up and down and sometimes painful.. I am away visiting my family in the USA, they moved when I got clean (don't blame them), so I try to visit a few times each year... Over the past year I have noticed dynamics changing within the family and I was told today that my parents are getting divorced.. This year has been hard for all our family, a lot of stuff going on.. Life I guess.. I have so many mixed feelings and am taking on board their feelings which is probably doing me no favours.. I feel upset and guilty - irrational guilt - but still feel this.. It hurts seeing those I love hurt and bits of me really wanted to use and/or cause chaos.. I know this is not the answer but I still have that want - which is ok.. I have been getting to a couple of meetings here but still lacking that something... I feel a little better already through sharing this on here.. NA has taught me that it will always be ok, I believe this, and my experience within NA really tells me this.. I remember someone saying to me in my first year clean that a good day in NA is feeling great and not using, and a superb day in NA is feeling sh*t, struggling and NOT USING! One superb day in... Love in fellowship... PEACE x
Welcome Adam, Great share. Also welcome to the states. What part are you visiting? I live in Indianapolis, IN. As my sponsor says. "Hold on, help is already on the way!" Glad you're here.
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
I can identify with you about your parents getting the divorce. I was in active addiction and it made me use even more than i had done before. I loved my mom a lot at that time and she left to go to dr's up in cleveland Ohio. She had my dad drive her there and then he came home and then drove back up there and was served with a restraining order and she got the car. She served him with the sepeartion papers also when he went up there. He came home by greyhound bus. That was really sad and I was really pissed off at her for doing it like that. but she did come back home about 11 months before she passed. Yes, I am angry at the fact that she did it that way, but glad at the same time she loved my dad enough she wanted to remarry him. But that never happened. The day she died I was out of it I had just used and got the call that I needed to go to the nursing home. When I got there they wheeled her out to the ambulance doing chest compressions on her and we got to the er. I sat there and the doc came in and said I am sorry she is dead. I was like no she isn't not my mom she is such a fighter and wouldn't leave me this way. The pain and guilt I have is horrible at times, but I know it is not my fault that she divorced him or that she died. I do miss her a lot. I had not lost her once but like three different times in my life. The first one being the day my sister kicked me out of the house. I wasn't even home for 2 months before she left again, This is when she left to go to Cleveland and not return til September of 2005. Then the last time I lost her was in September 9,2006. I lost her three times in my life. In 2003 I was kicked out of my house. Then in February of 2004 she left for Ohio not to return till September of 2005. then she left again for good this time in September of 2006. I had lost a lot of valuable time with my mom at this time. I really hate that I missed it with her. This is a very painful area for me right now.
