Welll I pulled out the step working guide wrote an outline and tried to commit it to memory. Not happenning! No short term memory for that ever, much less after 38 years of using.
I just went there and told my story. Part of which is....
I come from family long of substance abusers. As far back as I heard stories, they were drinking. In fact, 10 generations ago my ancestor fell off a boat crossing the Atlantic, drunk, in the middle of the night.
As many watched in horror, the boat sailed away. At the last possible second his hand came out of the water and grapped the rope trailing behind the vessel. Many aboard said that it was a religious experience, seeing a man's life be lost, and then saved at the very last possible second. he pulled himself aboard ( a very famous vessel) and was saved.
NA throw me a life line at my lowest moment, just when things looked over for me, and my life has been spared by NA. I have come to belive that a power greater then myself can restore me to sanity!
We came to believe that a power greater then ourselves,
this is the first part.
Took me a long time to find my faith in a higher power that one thing may have been one of several reasons why I stuggled for so long with recovering. Sometime back I decided to believe in something greater them my addiction I realized there were several things put together for us for me that were just that, God and NA program, I came to believe that after many failed attempts.
could restore us to sanity.
Probably the only time i was actually sane in my life was as a child before bad thi8ngs started happening in my life things that I ended up acting out over, things I blamed and found unacceptable, things traumatizing and hurtful. These things brought about much pain in me mind body and spirit I was driven INSANE by them, yes it was that traumatizing and I think for many of us who experienced things in our growing up with some family members who too were insane for the very same reason. Its as if it's a tradition in some familys. The insane aspect of addiction is we keep going back and using the thing that drives us even further insane. I remember a time when I actually think I was losing my mind I was locked up and scared to death of what was happening to me, the walls closing in evil spirits popping out of cracks in the cell walls terrible dreams, may have just been detoxing but I had already been in lock up for some time. I felt like my mind was slipping into the most hopeless place and that I may not be able to return, I was very afraid .
Sometime around that period I had a deep conversation with my higher power it was extremely real and moving it was also uplifting for me to know that after this whole affair was over I would never ever be locked away again and I would have recovery. It was some time later after being released and returning AGAIN to active addiction and then coming close to death that I finally decided I had had enough. But that wasn't enough after 5 years of recovery I lapsed back into active addiction , there had been something I had missed , another lesson another coming into the light experience.
My whole recovery depends on my belief in a higher power who has dominion over my affliction, it's given me back the ability to choose I didn't have that as an insane person, this step is crucial as the rest are to be deeply felt and understood and made to be apart of the great soundness that our recovery and continued recovery depends on .
The literature says, The Second Step is necessary if we expect to achieve any sort of ongoing recovery, we must find and believe in someething greater then our addiction and even greater then ourselves, as our faith grows we notice miraculous things occuring that never could have happened before and these things come from out of no where, or do they ?
I know this is too late for your lead, Dave, but here's my experience. Coming to believe is a process, not an event. Someone said, "We came, we came to, we came to believe." The other thing I think is important about step 2 is that it says, "We came to believe THAT a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (my caps) Many addicts get bogged down trying to figure out WHO this power is- "We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God." One rule of thumb to remember is: there are many powers greater than myself, but I have only one Higher Power. The emphasis is on WHAT the power can do for us, not who or what the power is. "We can use this power long before we understand it."
The need for a restoration to sanity is queationed by some, but when I look at the fact that I KNEW drug use was killing me and I STILL wanted to get high- all the time, I was anything but sane. It talks about how the most obvious insanity of addiction is the obsession to use even when we knew drugs were destroying our lives.
This step is so important- it says some addicts passed over it with a minimum of concern only to find that the other steps wouln't work until we worked step two. This is also the only step that hints at caution before moving ahead. It says, "WHEN OUR BELIEF HAS GROWN, we are ready for step three." (my caps) Great thread, Dave. Thanks for letting me share.
-- Edited by dan h at 00:36, 2008-12-21
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
After having picked up the tool of my First Step, having accepted my powerlessness and unmanageability, when I moved on to Step Two with my Sponsor, I had to open my mind to a Power greater than my addiction that could restore me and everything that transpires in my daily recovery to sanity.
Here, I had a lot of difficulty as I had a tendency to equate Higher Power to mean God as a newcomer then. And having had a lot of conflict with God as I was conditioned by my environment since my childhood, I found it difficult to open my mind to this concept.
It was then that my Sponsor guided me that this Higher Power only be loving, caring and greater than myself. Through the process of writing my Second Step, I slowly opened up and came to believe in a Higher Power that loved me unconditionally, a Power that does not abandon or punish me just because I'm on the wrong. Doing so, for the first time, liberated me from my fears of being punished and from self-flagellation, and my relationship with my Higher Power began without any traps, for the first time in my life thus.
In the beginning, it was very easy for me get lost in trying to control myself, the people and the situations in my daily life. I had to consciously apply my First Step and then open my mind to the Second Step by telling myself, "Maybe, just maybe, my Higher Power could help me. If that is so, what would my Higher Power want me do now?"
Gradually, I started feeling the relief and the freedom that believing in a Higher Power brought in my daily recovery. I did not have to act out. I did not have to worry about everything all the time. I did not have to try hard to make things work. I did not have to struggle or fight with myself. I did not have to get annoyed or disturbed by things that happen in the course of my day. All the complication that my addiction created within me slowly diminished, replaced by simplicity. Many times in my application of Step Two, I found that I was calm and at peace, content with things as they are, even when seemingly downright bad things happened. I was able to open my mind to a loving, caring and compassionate intention of my Higher Power behind all that transpired. I started feeling, sensing and experiencing my Higher Power's presence, within and without.
Today, I'm better able to accept life at life's terms as a result of having this wonderful tool. My whole perception has changed. Be it pain or joy, success or failure, enthusiasm or boredom, I am most of the time able to experience these fully, from my neutral point, knowing well that my loving, caring and compassionate Higher Power wants me to learn something new and grow from these experiences.
The Second Step gave me wings. All I needed then was a working Third Step to fly.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Even after years clean, when we have been working a program of recovery and seeking change, we may at times experience periods when life seems meaningless. We may experience a sense of alienation too painful to ignore. At such times, we may find ourselves moving away from sanity, not toward it. We may begin to question our commitment to recovery. We can become obsessed with self-destructive thoughts. We may feel an urge to fall back on what seems easier: the familiar ways of our addiction. During these times, we need to renew our commitment to recovery. We trust that we are undergoing a fundamental transformation, even though we may not yet understand its full implication for our lives. As painful as it seems, we must change. if we trust that there is growth despite the pain, we can walk through these difficult periods more readily.
During these times, relying on the Second Step provides us with hope and reminds us that we are not alone. If things don't feel right, we take time to think and seek suggestions from our Sponsor. We trust that, with help from other recovering addicts and a Power greater than ourselves, we can be restored to sanity in all areas of our lives. We draw upon what we have learned from going to meetings and following directions. We accept that life on life's terms may not always be to our liking or, more importantly, to our understanding. Sanity often means that we don't act on our first impulse. We begin to make choices that help us rather than harm us. What worked for us in the beginning remains applicable, no matter how many years we have been clean. Once again, we reapply ourselves to the basics of the program: going to meetings, reaching out for help, and working the steps. Although we may feel despair, there is hope; a Power greater than ourselves is always available to us.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
This power I'm searching in restoring my insanity has always been there, I just took it for granted, ignored its power and continued the path of self destruction. Today with a clear conscious I am trusting, surrendering and have faith that with an honest effort I am building a trusting relationship with the power greater than myself.
