I took my dad to work ok. He asked for me to get gas in his car okay. this is at 4:00am. I get to the gas station at 4:30am ok. I go and pay for the gas. I start pumping ok this guy out of no where comes up to me and he says hi my name is blah blah and I am homeless, hiv+ and so is my girl we are really really hungry can you give me some money. I told him no I am not giving you money to go and commit suicide. I then told him that there was a better way to live in this life and he needs to get help. I also told him this if no one has ever told you this I am going to say it to you. I love you. This guy stood there and started crying. He said he was going to go to jack in the box to get food. The only food he was going to get was some dope and I know this. drive thru is only one that is open at 4:30 am and they don't serve walk up people at all. After I got in the car and pulled off I started to cry this is just what I needed after wanting to use the night before. I was able to say 5 years ago this was me begging for money for more dope. when I was homeless and sleeping in my car. I am grateful for the people in na for telling me they would love me til i loved myself and for keeping the doors open for this addict also. I think I touched him and no i didn't have a basic text with me or a meeting schedule with me at all. Wish I did though. I think he might want that help more than I realize maybe I will see him in the rooms shortly. I told him to get into the program of na. Just carrying the message of my story to an addict I can see in myself today. Wow the day after thanksgiving and seeing myself and my story in him at least a part of it. It is up to him now what he does with this information i shared with him. Just to think that last night I had such a hard time with dealing with my own disease wanting me to drink. I refused to let it get the best of me and I stayed and applied some principles to my life and didn't pick up. This is my hp working in my life right now. Thanksgiving wanted to have a glass of wine and Thank God I didn't and stayed clean for another day or so. Thank's to my HP for bringing my reality back to me this time around.
Thanks Shannon, Its moments like those that make me see that Grace is a real and living thing. I mean why am I the one thats clean today? Why am I not out there begging for money? Why am I the one that has a warm bed to sleep in tonight? The only answer I have today is GRACE. Because in and of myself I'd be that guy. Lord knows I've tryed but left to my own devices all I ever did was create harm to me and everyone around me. Yea, I had a close one last night too! Went to my homegroup. As I was grabbin a few dollars to take with me (5 or 10 bucks) That monkey jumped all over me. That little voice tellin me to take all the money with me and call the dope man. Would you beleive I still remember the number. I spent what seemed like an eternity walking back and forth from the money to the door with that epic battle running though my head. Well I finnialy reached for my trusty weapon and dialed my sponsors #. He answered on the first ring. THANK GOD! We talked for a few minutes as I left the money where it was, got in my car, and drove to the meeting. I shared about having the desire to use and the end result was another day clean. THANK GOD! Once again in and of myself Id be that guy! I never would have picked up that phone and I would have lost the battle. Yea, I'd have to say that grace is what I am most greatful for today.
Addict named Jay
__________________
It sure is eazier to get through the moment than it is to get through the aftermath.
If I didn't know that others were getting and staying clean I probably never would have tried but I saw them doing it and it gave me hope, and sometimes thats the only message we need to give to others.
I had a similar thing happen a few months back, I wasn't going to give the guy any money but I changed my mind and handed him my change jar just dumped all the change in his hand reason I gave it to him was becuase I had a memory flood back to me when I was begging for money, a guy gave me money once after a man yelled at me and told me to get a F'n job the guy gave me $5 he also told me he had been where I am and was now clean , anyhow he looked at me and said OH MAN THANKS SO MUCH then went around the corner to count it so instead of leaving it at that I drove around the corner and stopped right next to him and shut off my truck asked if he had a minute to talk.
Turned out to be a really REALLY nice guy we talked about what was going on with him and there was a lot, he was trying the best he could but was just so hooked, he had been hit by a car, his pancreas damn near went out on him from pancreatitis he showed me all these scars, got stabbed all sorts of crap and he was about 35 years old.
So I shared my lot with him and how I got to where I was and how I got clean, he listened intently to my story .
There's good people out there just stuck on stupid and all they might need is one of us to show them recovery is possible, if you have no other purpose in life make that it, to help another addict anytime they reach out for help.
one that punches your gut even harder is the same guy, you say " no cash , but ill by you some food " he refuses, because hes that sick , and hes your son.
__________________
The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
one that punches your gut even harder is the same guy, you say " no cash , but ill by you some food " he refuses, because hes that sick , and hes your son.
When he's sick to f* being sick he'll know where to go to get help, just be there for him then Anthony.
