Hey guys, just wanted to share a little something that happened to me this morning. Like every week day I took my girls to school. I always walk them in because its something I like to do. As I was walking out the long covered walk way, a young girl (about 6 or 7 years old) was aproaching me. For some reason I just knew she was going to say something to me. And sure enough she did. She had a great big smile on her face, and it was'nt untill the echo subsided that I realized what she said. " Happy Thanksgiving" was her greeting. With a great big smile I replied " Thank you, happy thanksgiving to you too". Now this may not seem like a big deal to some, but for this addict, wow! I could'nt even make it to the privicy of my own vehicle before the tears were streming down my checks. They were tears of absolute joy. At that moment I felt cosumed with a very deep sense of GRACE and a feeling a complete gratitude. I thought to myself wow, I want to remember that all day long. My second was, No, I never want to forget that! For the next several hours every time I thought about it I was choking back tears. Any one else could have said that to me today and it would never have had that impact. I may not have even heard it. Words cannot descibe my understanding of grace today. I only know that God does for me what I could not possibly do for myself, regardless of who I am or what I have done. We come to meetings, get clean, and we talk about how life shows up. We talk about how we have to deal with our feelings and how "This too shall pass". We talk about how difficult it is. The thing that I am so quick to forget though is, that for once in my life I also get to see, feel, experiance, and know the good stuff too! WHAT A GIFT! Without the bad, we could never begin to know the value of the good.I am so greatful to be able to see the glass half full today.
Addict named Jay
__________________
It sure is eazier to get through the moment than it is to get through the aftermath.
Thanks Jay I could kick you for making me drop a tear
One of the things I really get confused about pertaining to Vini is am I a heartless mean S.O.B or a bag full of mushy gushy sensitive feelings
Cause i'm a little of both I guess
Man stuff hits me like they were bombs sometimes and I am over filled with feelings I have a real softness for some stuff especially if it's the real deal, seeing an addict suffering sometimes makes me mad as hell and sometimes I just vreak down and weap for them, cause I know what it's like. Sometimes someone will say something to me and I don't know what I feel exactly cause I am feeling many things at once and I have to take a time out to sort them out.
Movies really get me because they have a way of getting right to the point but thats not always reality lifes a riddle at times, lifes a poem.
Whats important is your able to sort these things out and let yourself feel what you feel if you feel like crying you let yourself cry I try to do that too.
I cried yesterday because a man that I knew long long time ago passed away, this man helped me once I dated his daughter who was probably one of the worse dope fiends I have ever known, she is dead now she couldn't recover and ended up being killed by a drug dealer, her father and my friend was the kindest man I've ever met and i have saved memorys of him though vague some what he will not be forgotten by me, his kindness and trust went beyond what most people will risk. Recently I had been meaning to get in touch with him and never followed through I regret that now I was just afraid to open old wounds....
So yeah we have a lot to be Thankfull for this year and each an every day we stay clean God's grace is huge and loving all we need do is accept that love and show the same love for ourselves and to others as God does, but we aint saints LOL
