hi i am new to this site! and have been checking out the other posts and think this site is great!!!! and really need to drop some stuff of my shoulders.... so if anyone can relate or id

..please holler back!!

!!!!!!!!! i am at this moment in time allmost 6 years clean im 37 years old i have been through some hard times in this life !!!!!!!!!as we all do ....i lost a brother to hiv who was clean for 8 years .
i looked up to him growing up even if he was a junkie my dad is a alcoholic and was mean to me and losing my bro was hard ..but it made me get clean... i come from a family that was dissfunctionall to say the least ...im not moanin thats just how things where ...my parents just didnt really know how to be responsable and sometimes i am really resentfull of them as they just are in denial or dont give a fuck as if i ever try to talk or bring this stuff up it is meet with lots of tension ..so i just leave it ..

im kinda ok with them but its hard ...i got clean and i changed all by myself ...and there still the same they dont have a program!!!!!!!!!!! and its hard for them as they are old now and dont have much as they spent all there money ....on themselfs ...years ago so ther v bitter ...so when i was over a year clean my older sister colapsed with a brain tumer and nearly died she was rushed to hospitol !!!and i was called by my mum with the bad news and immediady rushed to see her !my folks spend most of the time in spain so i went straightr there thinking that was the last time i would see her as it was v serious ....i spent the next few days in hospitol finding out what is gona happen and it was not good thew docs said it was allmost imposible thet she would be ok again and that she woldnt last long !!!!!!!it was really hard ..at this point as my mum was in terible denial and woldnt accept it .

i realize that that this was a terible thiong for my mum and tryed to be there for her ..buut i allways feel like i am not enough or what she wants ..and its realy difficult im tor
n beetween not having anything to do with them and jst cutting my ties with them as i feel its holding me back in life ...my sister is still in a hospitol on a life support and my mum goes all the time to see her and prays fopr a mirricle it has aged my mm loads and i try my best to be there but its all she talks about ..its hard after all this time .....i came into recovery with bit of money from selling my flat ...i survived in my using by selling drugs the usall ways n means ...and when i got clean i had some money stashed .......and have not really worked a normall job i buy n sell stuff ...allso a ex girlfreind gave me some money as she was really rich ...so i have been ok in recovery.... and spent my time traveling and moving around ..lots... i am aware that i keep moving becouse of my shame around my parents and that its just so hard to deal with them....as its all ways a drama..... and they talk to me about it all!!!!!!!!!!!! its just to much some times so i go away ..but i am slowly running out of finances and need to put down some roots ....and i want to have a family of my own one day i hope.....i am allways attending meetings and have recently been praying loads around this stuff ...lifes tuff i know but im finding it hard to share in meetings ..that lifes tuff and its a struglle at 6 years i feel like im not passing the message in a possitive way !im in a lot of uncertanty and need to share more so im gona try and start tommorow ....i am running on faith ..and dont wont to keep this stuff inside as i will eventaly use on it as i will stop goin to meets etc etc etc .......so i am gratfull for the chance to post and i hope all will be well and any sugestions for me please post em http://www.sparkimg.com/emoticons/biggrin.gif