been a while...

Brett thomas · Veteran Member

been a while...

trueakitalover · Senior Member

Welcome back,

We still love you. Now you know we can't use succesfully. The depression is normal after a death. We all have to deal with. I have six months clean now and I will tell you I love the program and the freedom I got from going over my 1st step. If I can do it so can you. I lost my mom while I was in active addiction and it was pretty sad that I kept using and didn't want to deal with it. The pain is there now and I am learning that people care about me and they are allowing me to feel the pain I am going through. I am learning about my feelings now. Please come back to the fellowship we all need each other. Talk about this at a f2f meeting and let yourself feel it. I learn through all newbies that come into the room.

Shannon

DeanC · Guru

Hey Brett,
Welcome back. I left and came back about a dozen times in my first two years because I didn't think that what was possible for others, in the program, was possible for me.

We've all felt that way and the uniqueness and self victimazation were an endless loop. There is only one way out. Acceptance
Life happens, it is what it is, move on. Life is short, get busy.

Self-Acceptance This is NA Fellowship-approved literature.

Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

The problem The lack of self-acceptance is a problem for many recovering addicts. This subtle defect is

difficult to identify and often goes unrecognized. Many of us believed that using drugs was our

only problem, denying the fact that our lives had become unmanageable. Even after we stop

using, this denial can continue to plague us. Many of the problems we experience in ongoing

recovery stem from an inability to accept ourselves on a deep level. We may not even realize

that this discomfort is the source of our problem, because it is often manifested in other ways.

We may find ourselves becoming irritable or judgmental, discontent, depressed, or confused.

We may find ourselves trying to change environmental factors in an attempt to satisfy the inner

gnawing we feel. In situations such as these our experience has shown that it is best to look

inward for the source of our discontent. Very often, we discover that we are harsh critics of

ourselves, wallowing in self-loathing and self-rejection.

Before coming to NA, most of us spent our entire lives in self-rejection. We hated ourselves

and tried every way we could to become someone different. We wanted to be anyone but

who we were. Unable to accept ourselves, we tried to gain the acceptance of others. We

wanted other people to give us the love and acceptance we could not give ourselves, but our

love and friendship were always conditional. We would do anything for anyone just to gain

their acceptance and approval, and then would resent those who wouldnt respond the way

we wanted them to.

Because we could not accept ourselves, we expected to be rejected by others. We would

not allow anyone to get close to us for fear that if they really knew us, they would also hate us.

To protect ourselves from vulnerability, we would reject others before they had a chance to

reject us.

The Twelve Steps are the solution Today, the first step toward self-acceptance is acceptance of our addiction. We must accept

our disease and all the troubles that it brings us before we can accept ourselves as human

beings.

The next thing we need to help us toward self-acceptance is belief in a Power greater than

ourselves who can restore us to sanity. We do not need to believe in any particular persons

concept of that Higher Power, but we do need to believe in a concept that works for us. A

spiritual understanding of self-acceptance is knowing that it is all right to find ourselves in pain,

to have made mistakes, and to know that we are not perfect.

The most effective means of achieving self-acceptance is through applying the Twelve Steps

of recovery. Now that we have come to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we can

depend upon His strength to give us the courage to honestly examine our defects and our

assets. Although it is sometimes painful and may not seem to lead to self-acceptance, it is

necessary to get in touch with our feelings. We wish to build a solid foundation of recovery,

and therefore need to examine our actions and motivations and begin changing those things

that are unacceptable.

Our defects are part of us and will only be removed when we practice living the NA

program. Our assets are gifts from our Higher Power, and as we learn to utilize them fully, our

self-acceptance grows and our lives improve.

Sometimes we slip into the melodrama of wishing we could be what we think we should

be. We may feel overpowered by our self-pity and pride, but by renewing our faith in a Higher

Power we are given the hope, courage, and strength to grow.

Self-acceptance permits balance in our recovery. We no longer have to look for the approval

of others because we are satisfied with being ourselves. We are free to gratefully emphasize

our assets, to humbly move away from our defects, and to become the best recovering addicts

we can be. Accepting ourselves as we are means that we are all right, that we are not perfect,

but we can improve.

We remember that we have the disease of addiction, and that it takes a long time to achieve

self-acceptance on a deep level. No matter how bad our lives have become, we are always

accepted in the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.

Accepting ourselves as we are resolves the problem of expecting human perfection. When

we accept ourselves, we can accept others into our lives, unconditionally, probably for the first

time. Our friendships become deep and we experience the warmth and caring which results

from addicts sharing recovery and a new life.

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know

the difference

-- Edited by DeanC at 09:46, 2008-11-16

AnthonyG · Senior Member

Thanks for posting Brett . I'm glad you made it back.

My mother died three years ago with a Dr assisted suicide. She was an angry and full of hate woman , And in all the sweetness she could muster up she left me a letter to be read after her death. Basically it was a two page diatribe on why her life was so bad and how she was trapped into it because of myself and my brother. I accept that today, she is mom and she did the best she could. I love her anyway.

My best friend had to go away. Not move physically but get the hell out of my life. I replaced him with my new associations , people that are not using and have found a new way of life.

I lost my job. Very good paying but put me in close contact with my dealer and other users. So far i haven't been able to replace that with anything that pays actual money . BUT the spiritual , mental and physical progress Ive made as a result of losing that job ( lot of time on my hands ) Has been priceless. And i have faith in a higher power that WANTS me to do well.

My marriage is in a tough spot. My wife is not into recovery and I'm fighting daily to make meetings and talk with addicts. Without recovery my chances for the kind of relationship i deserve are squat anyway.

The point of all this is. It may look on the outside that my life sucks. But to me, I'm living a great life today. I'm a lucky guy. I'm alive , I made it back and I'm giving myself a break. Ive met some great people that have helped me alot.All of them addicts.

It works if we work it. Those sayings drive me nuts. But they are easy to remember and they work.

Hoping the best for you brett. Again thanks for being here. Just a suggestion An honest and through first step is the foundation all others are built on.

Brett thomas · Veteran Member

Interesting comments.....

I went four years clean and sober in Wilmington. Made friends, tried to rebuild my life, only to fsil at that too, so am I to believe then and accept that i am a failure, and always willbe? that i couldn't even stay clean and I failed at that too? that I can't work for fear of failure again?

Is this acceptance? Seriously, what am i to accept? That life is no more than one miserable day after another with no hope of change? That trying just leads to more failure? That supposedly this higher power has planned all this to make me better? Sorry, I can't see it, so i am asking... I've been told I like being miserable.... that is the most rediculous thing I have ever heard... why would someone want no hope and want to feel like shit everyday....

So obiviously I am missing something else.... what is it?

I don't believe I stayed clean for four years on sheer will, if I had that much willpower, I'd quit smoking, wouldn't have been an addict, and would be president of the US, so again, SOMETHING worked, but LIFE is missing. I can't function in a "normal" society. I have nothing, and am completely dependant on the welfare of others specifically family. So at this point, I have no hopes, no dreams, just a shitty exsistance that is completelyworthless, and there are SOME that would say , "well then, go use." Fuck them and their holier than thou mindset.

Sorry for the rambling.... but I have had it.... please tell me that there is at least a meager exsistance outside of this room. I haven't left it in 6 months

trueakitalover · Senior Member

Brett,

This is not you talking this is the disease of the addiction talking making you feel this way. We have all been there. Put the bat down and pick a feather up for yourself. The only thing that failed you was getting completely honest with yourself. Once you get honest with yourself than you can get honest with others. If I am not honest about my addiction than I am in denial about being an addict. Let me ask this question when were you the happiest?? While using the dope? Or when you were in recovery? I felt so much relief after going over my first step with sponsor I have been in a pink cloud of state for the last week and it feels wonderful. I just kept coming back and talking with others in recovery and with my sponsor. My sponsor gets brutally honest with me. I even had to go as far as talking to my pastor telling him I was crazy as hell. He told me Shannon that is the dope talking, that is not your right mind thinking right now. You know what he was right. I love recovery, I show up for special events now like my pastor's retirement parties. For a relatives birthday and doing some responsible big girl stuff now. This is only at 6 months clean imagine what I am going to be like at year. I will be getting there just like I did my 6 months one day at a time and one moment at a time.

Shannon

DeanC · Guru

Brett, my mention of acceptance was generally meant as an answer to the difficulties that you mentioned in your first post. As in accept the past, and the difficulties that you face today and live in the solution instead of the problem.

With recovery, as with life, you get back what you put into it.
The only thing that we can tell you is what's working/worked for us meetings, sponsership, working the steps. This program is for people who want it. I pray that you'll acquire the willingness to get back into it.

Dean

-- Edited by DeanC at 23:50, 2008-11-16

Brett thomas · Veteran Member

See, there we go, Dean, with all due respect, go to hell, it's that kind of attitude that turned me away in the first place, much like church, someone hurts and wants to get it right, has put forth the effort and still gets jack squat, and all you have to say is well there ya go you didn't try hard enough....

My mistake for coming here looking for answers I must be in the wrong place you won't hear from me again

DeanC · Guru

Brett, sorry I can't validate your thinking there. All I can say is that you've got to stop believing what your head is telling you. "We had to let go of our old ideas absolutely". I hope it gets better for you.

Dean

AnthonyG · Senior Member

Some in this room know me, and know my tendencies to arbitrate (argue) what others have suggested. I hated it, I hated you, I hated my fucking existence. I hated every damn thing about NA AND the holier than thou jackasses that thought they ran the whole show.

But................ My way didn't work. If it had i wouldn't have ended up here in the first place.

Not preaching brett. We all come to a bottom and we have to. We are hardheaded by nature. I can tell you for a fact that the feedback you receive whether you like it or not comes from suffering addicts. And they talk to you with what they know you need. Because what you want to hear wont fucking help you.

That said. Ill step out of bounds for a second and speak for everyone. WE do care. I understand what it like to get clean AND THEN wonder " What is there left to do ?"

I was clean 7 years . I never knew anything about NA. Somehow I managed to sit in thousands of NA meetings and never heard the message. Looking back on that time now I realized I never saw a difference between clean time and recovery time. WE have to have clean time in order to recover. We are not recovering just because we are clean.

Really hoping and praying you take a second look at the responses you've gotten..There's some really great stuff in there. In the meantime give yourself a break.

My e-mail is on my profile. anytime brett. Hang in there.

Manon · Guru

hey doll glad to have read your post I feel the same so Brett you are not alone my life is so chaotic I just want to be healthy in all aspects of my life. It is so good to see you post
love and light Rayne love ya man

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