That Hopeless Feeling

Just2Day · Member

That Hopeless Feeling

trueakitalover · Senior Member

Call your network and your sponsor and they will help you through it. Talk about it as much as possible. Welcome keep coming back. I know I had been like that in the beginning also. I was tired of this and that. Don't do as what I did I went and picked up and really felt even worst and then called my sponsor and told her and had to start all over again. Ever since then I call every time I have that ideal thinking pattern going on

DeanC · Guru

perfectly "normal" for early recovery. remember that your mind and body are quite used to chemicaly induced ups and downs. weirdface

It's just going to give you a roller coaster ride until it finds it metabolic equilibrium. I remember trying hard not to let my lows get to low or my highs to high. Best thing is to just ignore what your head is trying to tell you. Hang in there it get better, the longer that you are clean.

Dean

-- Edited by DeanC at 16:42, 2008-11-15

AnthonyG · Senior Member

I totally relate to those feelings. For me I've broken it down to three of me. That sounds psycho I know.
The first guy is me, honest ,open,and being myself without fear.
The second is my addict, dishonest, egotistic, opinionated ,self-centered and full of fear.
The third guy is the one i was before i was using, hes a combination of low confidence, low esteem. second-guessing constantly. feeling not worthy of anything decent in this life and the addict.
The cleaner i get the more I'm able to separate these three primary personalities. almost every mood change is a result of one or more taking over the moment.

I know I sound nuts, but that's what I'm dealing with. I call addicts , I call sponsor. I make meetings .No matter what I DONT pick up. I try to stay out of my head as much as possible because those three fighting will definitely drive me crazy.

An amazing thing happens. Every once in awhile, Never know when or exactly why . My first guy comes out. All the crap I did to try and kill him, and hes still in there.

I came back to NA beat up pretty bad. Its going to take me a few 24s to heal.But there's some people Ive met who have that thing that I want. I want to be clean , But much much more than that. I want to be happy. I want to be a viable human being. I'm ready to stop the emotional roller coaster and take my chair. The one i earned in NA.

dan h · Senior Member

Well put, Anthony. It's wonderful to watch you grow. Keep doing what you're doing!!

ANJ · Veteran Member

Yea, I like that too anthony. Around here we call those three people the committy. For me they work together as well as 40 addicts in an area meeting, all with different agenda's.

Just2day,
when we are feeling out of place and in touch with it we are ussually doing pretty good. Its when I feel on top of the world and in control that I really need to worry. When I tell people how I am feeling I get the support I need to walk through it and get to the other side. And there really is only one way to the other side. I cant go over it , I cant go under or around it, Ive got to go through it. It seems as if thats what you are doing. Keep up the good work.

just stay!

Addict named Jay

imikens · Senior Member

Just....

I don't know if you remember but Tim Allen, big time comedian and made a bazillion dollars on TV and Movies, is a cocaine addict. If I remember correctly he did some jail time too.

He is very open about his recovery and the recovery process. I remember in an interview with him, something that helped me immensely, he was asked about the cravings, the "bad" feelings, etc., and his answer was "I just wait a moment and those feelings change..." That in part is a big piece of how to navigate all those feelings. As an addict the old strategy was "We have those feelings, we make them go away with _____________". The new strategy is, "We have those feelings, we can change them by acting or thinking different. We can also wait and they will go away..." They are not as real as we feel.

It actually works.

I suggest you take a look at this document on change. If you change any corner of the triangle, it impacts ALL aspects of the whole.

Change this and it changes that....

-- Edited by imikens at 12:25, 2008-11-16

Just2Day · Member

Thank you all very much. Your words are very insightful and it helps a lot to know that I have somewhere I can turn when I start to feel that way. The meetings are helping so much and I am meeting very nice supportive people. I know that I can make it through this but it is going to take much more than I thought.

Raman · Guru

Id like to quote on three counts from the Basic Text.
1." We find that we are doing better than we are feeling" Pg.Step 10.

2. "We need to be emotionall detached in order to solve problems"

3." The only way to keep from eturning to active addiction is etc.etc.etc."

My point is this.
Im in 12 Steps Protection and care. This however dosent mean that im excluded from having to live life on lifes terms. Life seems to always be one step ahead so I need the strength of honesty even when i feel like evading the Truth.
My own recovery now is in a phase where I feel like you do,,, though im not a newcomer.
Im withdrawing from an obssessive relationship and I have been going on those ups and downs,,but know what ?
The Miracle is that with friends here who are willing to share their experiences and meaningful insights Im not swayed or yanked out of Serenity,Courage and Wisdom because of twists and turns in my relationship.
Like they say,,I am responsible and the only way to do hat is keep close association and identification in the Fellowship.
And I now truly believe that the best choices i make in life will be based in Love and Serenity.
Anyhing thats pushy,aggressive and angry is DIS-EASE !!
I am Clean,Serene,,and very greatful for NA !

-- Edited by Raman at 17:48, 2008-11-16

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