I am a new NA member trying to get a feel for things. I am really enjoying the meetings and support that comes along with it. However, I am having a really difficult time with sobriety. I am 19 years old and I have been using for 5 years. The only life that I know is drugs, heroin in particular. I have 6 days clean and I plan on many more but, I would just like to know how and where to start rebuilding my life...... How do I learn to live again?
Hi and welcome young lady so glad to see you reaching out for help thats a first step, another is you have stopped using and sounds like your making meetings, make lots of meetings and people there will share HOW they are getting there lives back in order.
Get a sponsor some individual you see and admire with reguards to there recovery, take the groups support also then you can start working on the steps.
Here is today Thought for the Day
November 13, 2008
Not perfect
Page 331
"We are not going to be perfect. If we were perfect, we would not be human."
Basic Text p. 30
All of us had expectations about life in recovery. Some of us thought recovery would suddenly make us employable or able to do anything in the world we wanted to do. Or maybe we imagined perfect ease in our interactions with others. When we stop and think, we realize that we expected recovery would make us perfect. We didn't expect to continue making many mistakes. But we do. That's not the addict side of us showing through; that's being human.
In Narcotics Anonymous we strive for recovery, not perfection. The only promise we are given is freedom from active addiction. Perfection is not an attainable state for human beings; it's not a realistic goal. What we often seek in perfection is freedom from the discomfort of making mistakes. In return for that freedom from discomfort, we trade our curiosity, our flexibility, and the room to grow.
We can consider the trade: Do we want to live the rest of our lives in our well-defined little world, safe but perhaps stifled? Or do we wish to venture out into the unknown, take a risk, and reach for everything life has to offer?
Just for Today: I want all that life has to offer me and all that recovery can provide. Today, I will take a risk, try something new, and grow.
We wlcome your presence here others will have more to share just do not use and get this program working in your life, grab aho9ld of spiritual principles and apply them in your daily life.
Hi Danielle, and welcome. Wow 6 days clean and you want to rebuild your life already. It's a fair question and probably on the minds of most newcomers. While it is a genuine concern (putting your life back together), it's a major distraction from learning about and caring for your disease. The most important task in front of you is to build a clean and sober identity. It's a process where we have to let go of our old ideas (negative) and replace them with new ones (positive) that work for us. This means developing new good habits to replace old ones ect... In the begining we need to just buy time. Continuous Clean and sober time. Best way to accomplish that is to attend as many meetings as possible (daily is recommended), get a sponsor and begin reading the NA/AA program literature preparing yourself to begin working the 12 steps. If you can make a goal of working on this for say a year (one day at a time) many of the life issues concerning you will take care of themselves. Check out "The promises" a virtual garranty, I borrowed these from AA as I attend both groups
The Promises
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them."
Boy thanks for letting me remember what it was like 6 days clean. I felt like piece of dog dirt. I am now 6 months clean and working to my 9 month mark. It will all come together eventually I promise. This is how I got to six months of clean time made a 90 meetings in 90 days 1 meeting a day, got 1 phone number from 1 lady a day at each meeting I went to. I have over 100 women to call now, not that I call them all. I would be on the phone all day then. But then I looked and talked to people and prayed about a woman to be my sponsor. Talked to my pastor's about it and they said pray about it. I did the first woman I asked said she had to many sponsee's already. So I waited till another meeting and I heard this one woman share and I said wow I want that peace and serenity she had. I asked her and she said let me talk to my sponsor which she did. She said call me tonight, I did and I knew right there and then that I wanted her to be my sponsor. I went and got the na basic text and read Who is an addict for the first 30 days straight. Then I found a homegroup after visiting many and now I am a part of the world famous HOW group yeah.... Then I started participating by setting it all up and breaking down after meetings. Next month gonna start chairing meetings. I love my sponsor and my home group. I just finished my first step and gound some of that freedom you will hear a lot about in the meetings. I was in a bad spot for the last 3 months but with the help of my sponsor and the fellowship I got out of it. Now I am attending meetings regularly and love NA once again. I miss the people when I miss a meeting. I love the people and the information I get from there. I had to learn how to get honest real quick with myself first and foremost, then with my sponsor and now it is hard for me to even put a lie across my lips. I feel rotten after doing it.
Thank you for that. It helps a lot to know that I am not alone in this. I am beginning to understand that I cannot rush into everything, it will happen when the time is right.
Just2Day wrote:I have 6 days clean and I plan on many more but, I would just like to know how and where to start rebuilding my life...... How do I learn to live again?
You already have. You have six days clean, thats a great start on rebuilding your life!
Take it day by day....one day at a time. Go to meetings(meeting makers make it!) Meetings saved my life in the begining and they still do. I also got a service position, like coffee person or door greeter. i didn't have to have alot of clean time but this helped me connect with other people in the rooms.
Boy thanks for letting me remember what it was like 6 days clean. I felt like piece of dog dirt. I am now 6 months clean and working to my 9 month mark. It will all come together eventually I promise. This is how I got to six months of clean time made a 90 meetings in 90 days 1 meeting a day, got 1 phone number from 1 lady a day at each meeting I went to. I have over 100 women to call now, not that I call them all. I would be on the phone all day then. But then I looked and talked to people and prayed about a woman to be my sponsor. Talked to my pastor's about it and they said pray about it. I did the first woman I asked said she had to many sponsee's already. So I waited till another meeting and I heard this one woman share and I said wow I want that peace and serenity she had. I asked her and she said let me talk to my sponsor which she did. She said call me tonight, I did and I knew right there and then that I wanted her to be my sponsor. I went and got the na basic text and read Who is an addict for the first 30 days straight. Then I found a homegroup after visiting many and now I am a part of the world famous HOW group yeah.... Then I started participating by setting it all up and breaking down after meetings. Next month gonna start chairing meetings. I love my sponsor and my home group. I just finished my first step and gound some of that freedom you will hear a lot about in the meetings. I was in a bad spot for the last 3 months but with the help of my sponsor and the fellowship I got out of it. Now I am attending meetings regularly and love NA once again. I miss the people when I miss a meeting. I love the people and the information I get from there. I had to learn how to get honest real quick with myself first and foremost, then with my sponsor and now it is hard for me to even put a lie across my lips. I feel rotten after doing it.
Shannon
Congrats on 6 months Shannon, sounds like you've really earned it. I'm impressed, took me years to get around to doing all those things, for my recovery, that you mentioned. Seems women are so much better at following "suggestions" then men. You are quite the example of how to build a strong recovery from the ground up and you haven't wasted any time. I hope all of our newcomers take notice and follow your lead.
Now I didn't say I did it willingly, but I didn't say I took all of my sponsor's suggestions now. I had to fight some in order to feel the lost and when I keep coming back the mind will follow and it has. I have been fighting processes all the way through but end up getting better each time I get honest. I don't like a lie anymore I try to catch myself and tell my sponsor right away.
You know what I need you to be my sponsor cause my sponsor doesn't think this at all of me. She is making me practice the first step before going to step 2. She thinks I have a problem with honesty. Cause she had me repeat two sentences out of the SWG in my first step work the other night 3x each. And I got smart with her and said should I repeat it again. She said see that is the smart ass know it all answer I don't like from you. It was something about you have to learn to be honest with yourself, before you can be honest with others. Dang see I memorized it well now.
wow she's tough, but then again that's what you were looking for ;). I just noticed that you're in Charlotte, my home away from home. I guess you saw my blueridge thread (Boone). I fly into Charlotte airport about 10 times a summer to go work on my house. It appears to be a nice city to live in.
Man I would have liked to have got thing at 19. I was fortunate enough to have been introduced to this program at 18 but it took me many more years to get clean. Alot of unnnesesarry pain and suffering. Danniel, the truth is , you never have to use again. And if you just dont use today, one day at a time, your life WILL get better. Hang in there and listen to suggestions. You may here people say Keep coming back, I say JUST STAY!
Welcome and I hope to see more of your posts
Addict named Jay
__________________
It sure is eazier to get through the moment than it is to get through the aftermath.
I'm new to this forum but not to new to the rooms of na.But ive been struggling with all these new emotions since ive been in recovery.You see I go to a drug program every week plus na meetings.And Ive been in this program for over a year now and im in the last phase of treatment (which is relapse prevention) But honestly im starting to get bored with it cause there is nothing in my treatment group I like.I read my Just for Today book,Na basic text book,How it works book,Ive answered the questions in the beginning of the step-working book,ive wrote down 5 things I was grateful for , for 31 days and now I'm getting ready to start on step-1 in the workbook.I have a sponsor but she is always real busy and so she cant take much time for me.I'm getting frustrated cause I feel like people forget where they came from.It seems to me they forget about how it was to be a new comer.Sometimes I feel like no one understands me and what I'm going through.My life has been alot of struggles and ive stayed clean.(call it a dry drunk or whatever) but im proud of myself cause I went and got help for myself and I didnt have to have anyone point anything out to me.I
I know exactly where you are at. I got like that a few months ago myself. I got real bored with meetings, stopped attending meetings for weeks at a time. I had a dislocated elbow was to afraid to ask for help and didn't. I got to the point of when I stopped going to meetings I got really bad off. Let me ask you this question ok What is that your sponsor has that you want that she has? What can you identify with your sponsor with in your own life? I had problems with my sponsor for the last six months. Mine has fibromyaligia and she was sleeping all day long. Unavaiblae when I really needed her to be there for me. She wouldn't answer her phone at all at times. I was really getting frustrated, but it made me rely on my newtwork more and less on her. when she saw and heard that I was possibly looking for a new sponsor she stopped dead in her tracks and started changing her ways around. When I became more openminded I did better and had to realize yes my sponsor has a life outside of me. What I have done is I wait till the very end of the day and when I mean day I mean I wait till maybe 11:30 pm to call her. I will tell you why I do this. Nothing else can go wrong for the day. If I missed up she hears about the whole day. We sometimes spend 2-3 hours on the phone talking about what happened what I can do to change things. She is awake at this time most of the time. I have to find a different approach with her and I like it better now that she isn't sleeping all day. Her and I just went over my 1st step and I felt crappy when I was writing it but after I went over it I got such a relief from it and joy and some hope that I am not this horrible person in the world. I have a better connection with my sponsor now than before. This is a process. Talk about how you feel she is too busy for you and ask her when you can hang out together? When you can call her. It is about communication and we suck at it at first but we learn eventually. I only called my sponsor and told her bs for the first six months and now she can't shut me up about NA this and that. She calls it getting nahooed by me. instead of yahooed by na. Emotions we all feel new at different times. I remember just this past month I had to go to a rememberance of service for all the deaths in my church and my mom was one. My sponsor returned my call and asked if I wanted her to go with me and I said no I need to do this on my own right now. She said ok promise me you will come to the meeting afterwards. I said yes, she was afraid I would go home dwell on it and possibly use, but I went to the meeting then I went to her house and we sat there and talked about stuff that was bothering me honestly. When I get honest with her my relationship gets easier. In the first step it say's We have to get honest with ourselves before we can get honest with others. She had me read that three times and it has now stuck with me. Here is a suggestion sick of meetings switch your meetings up don't go to the same meeting's each and every day. Like what I had to do I can't stand one meeting in my area I had to go to a different one and then I see different people in these meetings and learn new things. I can't let the meetings get to stagnate or I will end up using I have learned. Get out there and do some service work. It does help. Call your network talk to them when you can't get a hold of your sponsor.
It's a fair question and probably on the minds of most newcomers.
You have six days clean, thats a great start on rebuilding your life!
You are quite the example of how to build a strong recovery from the ground up and you haven't wasted any time. I hope all of our newcomers take notice and follow your lead. 
