Newcomer to this message board here. I relapsed last year after 8 years and currently have about 22 hours clean and sober. I know it sounds stupid, but in all honesty I'm not even sure if I want to stop. But I am 100% sure that I want my life to stop spiraling downward. When I chose to pick up I was in an INSANE relationship, writing a dissertation, and just completely stressed out by some family stuff. All of a sudden I looked at my life and I was doing all of these "other" things and not going to meetings or doing anything to take care of myself.
A year later, nothing has changed, in fact things have gotten worse, and I'm still miserable. Still haven't finished my dissertation. The family issues are still there. I'm out of the relationship but we still have regular long-distance contact. Everyday I'm miserable and fantasize about escaping, mostly into a drink or a drug, but I also fantasize about just taking a long trip and not coming back. I need help, man. Not sure what I need to do, but I don't want to be miserable anymore.
Welcome to Miracles In Progress Family, I'm an addict too, and my name is Tahir
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
this may sound elementary but your disassociating in regards to the cause and affect of your disease indicates that you haven't thoroughly worked the 1st step. Somehow you think that you can continue drinking and drugging and still solve your "other" problems. Of course we are going to suggest that you get back into meetings, grab a sponsor and immediately begin working the steps.
Also elementary, as far as making sense of your situation, is the 2nd and 3rd steps. Pick up whichever book and start reading the first three steps daily and pick up the phone and ask the local intergroup for someone to take you to a meeting. Get started, you're disease is getting stronger daily.
