I have found myself replacing the dope now with a gamesite I belong to online. I don't think of it as gambling but my sponsor does. she told me to go to a gamblers anonymous meetings now. I won't go to any na meetings anymore I have been using the computer to deal with my life on lifes terms. She wants me to give the computer to my sister, but I am not wanting to do that cause I do check my email. I am not sure if it is the gaming site or just the internet I am addicted to? I am so lost and confused right now it is not funny. I feel like I can't just pull away. This is really starting to affect my recovery in a big way. I can't do online meetings cause I will play in the middle of the meetings. Anyone that has any suggestions please help me.
Heres what i heard we definetly replace our addictions with other addictions BUT when we replace them with positive addictions thats ok and quite normal.
I LOVE to go out dredging for gold yes its an obsession and i've spent a lot of money doing it and not gotten back 1/100 the of what i have invested, it CAN cause problems like taking off work, not getting to see my girlfriend, hurting my back , causing problems with my one and only vehicle etc etc.
So we have to find BALANCE if we see ourselves going to far over board we back off, if we dont have balance we can fall so keep that in mind.
OH BTW I just got the poker application on myspace LOL one night i played for 2 hours it got late and I had to pull myself away. I have been on the computer since 7;30 this morning its now 10;30 LOL and I need to walk away......
If it's as bad as you say maybe it wouldn't hurt to make a meeting not just one of the gambling ones but an Na meeting and share whats going on I am SURE someone there can relate we all got made from the same molds it seems
trueakitalover wrote:I am not sure if it is the gaming site or just the internet I am addicted to?
I would like to share my understanding here. It was neither alcohol nor marijuana nor heroine nor pills that was my real problem. Even though my problem expressed most profoundly through my using of these substances, Step One clearly told me that it was my "addiction" that was my real problem. Obsession, a never ending stream of thoughts centered around one thing and one thing alone, followed by compulsion, an unstoppable urge and vulnerability to act on my obsessive thoughts.
Today, I've been away from using drugs forawhile now, but that's only one symptom taken care of. Still, there's my whole addiction to be treated, to be arrested with the help of the program. Compulsive spending, overeating and obsessizing with a few of my defects of character still threaten my recovery at times. By addressing my addiction as such, through the program, helps me abstain from acting out on my obsessions and compulsions. I try to treat my disease, and the symptoms take care of themselves.
Also, I've observed that triggering my disease in one area of my life, however small it might seem, does result in releasing my addiction in the other areas of my life too. Like I realize that using "impatience" and "anger" while stuck in the traffic jams does affect my being while I interact with my wife or when I deal with my other issues. I cannot be "mad" at one place or with one person, and then try to be sweet at other places and with other people. I can either be controlled by my addictive patterns or by the principles of the Program at once, not both.
-- Edited by Tahir at 15:57, 2008-10-30
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hi,fellow freaks.I was 18 years into sobriety (alcohol one-night VERY destructive binges) when I hurt my back.Down the rabbit-hole I went for almost a year....THIS time on (ok...don't laugh) Ultam ER..up to 800 mgs a day. Oh, and not to leave out Vics but they made me too sleepy to work so I saved those for nights and days off. As long as I didn't drink I figgered what's the harm? I'm now one of those Chronic Pain People who "confessed" to my doc on Tues. after freaking out about "trading addictions".Luckily, he is very educated about addiction of all types and he's trying to help me wean down.(oh...I was taking my husbands meds,too) I cold-turkyed on the Ultram before and had the same physical withdrawal so I should have figgered it out but I always thought I had IBS (duh) or the flu and NOT withdrawal.Oh no, Not ME!!! I'm an alkie!Truth be known I get binge-addicted to everything.Once I start something I CANNOT stop without replacing it with some other destructive thing..I have no positive addictions...TRIED to have them but NO...self-destruction is my primary addiction.Any hobbies, interests, passions are also very short-lived UNLESS they are harmful to myself (and others).Yes, I'm nuts.Certifiable.I've seen a shrink for depression off and on for many years...different shrinks,different meds.Went through Rehab in 1990 after a very bad one-nighter where I OD'ed on alcohol and got my stomach pumped.I even worked for the Rehab for 7 years, probably the best years of my life. Of course AA,NA OR religion maintain the beast of my obsessiveness for a little while but I'm always back to being....me. No NA meetings where I live so here I am.If I can help or BE helped I'm willing.Peace to you freaks.
Hello Spookyone, glad you're here with us. Welcome, NA Hugs.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hi, Shannon, Thanks for your post. Switching addictions, substituting one for another, is a common issue for recovering addicts, especially so in the early years, I think. I often hear newer members talk about "balance" in recovery- you know, family, job, religion, AND recovery. I say this: forget balance for a while!! When new, I don't need balance, I need to immerse myself in recovery, I need to eat, drink, and sleep recovery. In order to find TRUE balance, it is sometimes necessary to way OVER correct, then come back to center. This way I have found it possible to find balance in my life and recovery. Someone said that we replace addictions with positive addictions, some people say it's a selfish program, that we have to continue depriving our families of our presence for a time in order to recover sufficiently to "be there" for them later. Without recovery, nothing else is really going to change, and there will come a time, if I stay clean, when I will be in a position to give back what was given to me. In the end NA is not a selfish, but a self-LESS program. Recovery has led me away from the self-obsession of addiction down a spiritual path toward God-centeredness and service to others. Don't get the impression that I do it perfectly, I don't. I just do the best I can and when I fall short, I forgive myself and start again, and keep going. One of the things I love about NA recovery is that in NA we are concerned with recovery from the disease of ADDICTION, not from a specific substance or behavior. When I treat the DISEASE, not the symptoms, I can recover in all areas of my life simultaneously. How do I do this? By abstaining from the addiction, whatever it is, and working and living the steps of NA. In this way my disease is ARRESTED. The key for me is spiritual growth, to continue moving UP the down escalator. "Recovery is a continuous uphill journey and without effort we begin the downhill run again." It requires constant effort, comittment, and vigilance, but is worth the price. Please don't become discouraged, it's difficult to learn a new way of life, difficult to learn to use a new set of tools. In NA, instead of the need for instant gratification the the drugs gave us, we learn patience and how to practice "delayed" gratification- good things are worth waiting and working for. Good luck, and keep trying! Thanks for letting me share.
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
All of you have hit on some stuff for me now. My sponsor and I are a lot alike now. We were supposed to go over my 1st step this past Thursday and we didn't because of the computer issue once again. I was on it and missed it. I called her last night and we chatted about this. She say's you can't call me the day u feel like going over stepwork you need to make an appointment with me. I said geesh I feel like I am going to the psychiatrist now. LOL I need an appointment to see my own sponsor lol. She said ha ha smart arse. then she said how about this you introduce your self as a recovering smart arse named shannon I said sure will eventually. Haven't been on that much but not into the gaming as much. I was lonely and bored that is why I went to the computer over and over again.
seems like you've got a smart Sponsor there, Shannon
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hello again, fellow Freaks!!! How I am LONGING to return to the hectic,structured work-day tomorrow.At least for 8 hours I will not be thinking about my pain so much.It's when I STOP that hectic structure that the Beast roars full-on. Tomorrow I HAVE to be upbeat,motivating, and empathic towards others and fake it til I feel it ( which used to work VERY well until my injuries).So,Peace to all of you who can relate.One day at a time.
Hello fellow freak 'spookyone', hope and wish that your work-day tomorrow goes smooth, remember not to tire yourself out physically, as emphasised in HALT - don't get Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Making use of HALT suggestion helped me lots in my early recovery. When I keep myself well fed, calm, in good company and well rested, my using thoughts were not as powerful or as frequent as they otherwise were. NA Hugs.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I found out why I was so addicted to the computer the last few weeks. I did it subconciously without realizing why. But here is what I learned today I went to Church and I see all white carnations all around. So in order not to feel the pain of my mom's death back in 2006 I used the computer for the last few weeks. It is all saints day. Boy does my pastor hit a raw nerve with me today about remembering, healing from the death of a loved one. I am sitting there crying, not wanting to feel it, wanting to run like crazy during this here processs. I can't run can't use, couldn't do anything. I was really trying not to let anyone see that I was hurting and in so much pain. But good old Pastor realizes and near the end of services he comes and sings the last song next to me and give me a hug. Then he sits down and realizes I was in a lot of pain. Now I am over this little hurdle in a few hours and I can cry all day and night tonight and allow myself to feel it. Then I won't be so addicted to the computer today.
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Sorry but you were on the computer and missed an appointment with your sponsor? Is that what you are saying? I hope you are not so blinded by your addiction that you can see in your own words that this is a problem.
Its all about brain chemistry. The visual stimulus as well as the sense you are accomplishing something while on your computer is feeding your addiction as well as being addictive. Internet/web/computer addiction is one nasty addiction. And yes it is very similar to gambling in the way it increases all of our neurotransmitters in our brains and makes us either numb, distracted, feel good, etc. Addiction is not so much about what we do "out there", its about what's happening in our minds/brains and why we need whatever that is. I numbed my brain/mind with vicodin. Could have been porn, gambling, internet-computer, etc. You are looking at the thing in a way that is common but is missing the point about addiction. Its not "is this behavior addiction...". Its about what you are doing inside and why.
This is a red flag..."I was on it and missed it"
One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to make agreements with God, myself and others and keep them. One of the aspects of the insanity of addiction is we make agreements but can't keep them. Not don't keep them. We can't due to our addiction controlling our choices. We agree to stop using Vicodin, alcohol, shopping, porn, etc., but we can't. That is why we admit we are powerless over our addiction, it is out of control, it is unmanageable, and the only way we have a chance is to submit to a higher power outside ourselves.
Looking at agreements you make and don't keep, that is a great guage for evaluating, taking an inventory if you will, of our insanity.
You made an appointment, an agreement, and you did not keep it.
I'd say your sponsor is spot on. The double bind here is we are talking on a medium that is "computer". I'm sure we'd all agree that an alcoholic, especially for some time, can not go into a bar and place themselves at risk. I dare say you need to do as your sponsor has said. Say your good-byes here and get off line, turn that thing OFF, and give to someone for awhile.
I limit my time now. I haven't been on as much and been doing better. I have kept appointments and actually been to f2f meetings also. I was trying to avoid some feelings sub-conciously and my sponsor realized it when I called her up crying on Nov.2, 2008 I have not been wanting to face the fact and accept that my mom passed away while I was in active addiction. I was numbing myself through the computer. But since that day has come and gone and let myself feel the pain and hurt I did better with the whole internet thing. She has seen some improvements with me. I only reward myself when I do some work on me. After I call 3 addicts in my network, go to meetings, talking with my sponsor which I have done all of them recently meaning within the last 24 hour time frame.
Thanks I try to keep recovery at the basis of my life for now. It is the only thing that is going to keep me going on the right track and not get off and be hitch hiking on the wrong hi way again.
