Left a 60000 dollar a year career back home,, left my daughter, mom, fine house two cars and two dogs,, left a whole network of work and leisure contacts, left a load of professional contacts and associates, left a warm country, warm sun and a warm circle of fellows,, just so I can be with lady that shaered love with me over internet,skype and phone. Wanted to meet her,, get to know her well enough and fall iojn love enough to even marry her if shed wanted. I paid about 25000 dollars for fees, car, accomodation and will need about 5 grand more to finish studies without work. Just to be here with J,,love her, and all. But i came here a 40 days ago and while the studies is good for me,,the NA friends im making ere are great,the scenes and people in general here are fine,, J has gone out my life,,probably forever this time. She has always held my past against me. She accused me of two timing her when we were internet mates. I understood that as her own fecund imagination playing tricks. Most importantly I wsnt two timing her so I was convinced that when she finally met me shed be convinced too. But no,,the suspicions,the distrust and all started again. I let it go on. We got together a few times and other tims i was busy with university,NA meetings,driving etc. Sunday all i did was drop off a suffering addict to her home after she had been abused and terrorised by her son in law. That set J off again,,,this time i let her go. Ive been doing actioons that dont lead to hate but acceptance and keeping love alive in my heart. Jst because Js mad with jealousy at my easy going nature and dosent want to love me anymore,,dosent mean love is dead. All that is going to disappear from my life is her. Ive still left her with a friendship option but thats it. Thanks God all accusations have once again been false,,my dear one is susceptible toi her evil drinking and drugging and fukking friends,, so I will just let em be. Thanks for lettiong me share and know that I have told my side truly. Back to the 10th Step now,, God Bless yall for being there to share with !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
"Ive been doing actions that dont lead to hate but acceptance and keeping love alive in my heart. Just because Js mad with jealousy at my easy going nature and dosent want to love me anymore,,dosent mean love is dead. All that is going to disappear from my life is her."
that's awesome Raman, that you embrace love and let her go instead. I usually send both down the road together and blame the game as well as the player, to make the most of my self victimization
Dean
p.s. by the way, you told us that you were going to the UK to study (not to meet some cheeky chicky), I'm going to hold you to that
ITS OK RAMAN you needed to see and be there and find out if it would work out, just walk away and let it go your higher power brought you where you are for a multitude of reason not just for her, but i feel your pain Bro I really do.
Your a good man and you know it, higher power knows and thats all the matters .
A big hug to you, Raman. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry for your disappointment and losses, especially of your daughter. However, I admire that you are learning and growing through it.
Thanks Vini,Dean,Anthony and Blithe. Thank God my sponsor of then had taken me through the Steps,, Its from hm and his wife id learnt that we need to replace hate with love. Time comes its nmore love than hate in the heart. Then the complete turn around when hate becomes an outsider. And when hate does come a calling,,I jiust say im not at home. And Blithe,,Ive only lost J from my life. My little girl,my ma ,my friends in NA (yall included),assoictes are all there as is my house,business,studies, Yoga nad all. My daughter and I talk each day. Good quality stuff is what we share. Im in contat with NA members here evryday,, as well as you all. The studies are looking good. Like ,,the only one thats disappeared is her. I feel like ive let her down,, I cannot understand how she can accuse me and believe that waht she thins is true and use that as a basis to end our affair. In that sms after she got very wickedly abusive she says "we can still be friends" Well her ring sure has come off my little finger. But her memories stay,,I suppose that repetitions of a year and odd dont go away in the twinkling of the eye,,I have to bear this in my stride. At least Im not obsessed with her anymore..
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Dean,, to clue you in.J and I met on internet and an affair of sorts blossomed and its just over a year ago.There I am in Bangalore,,talking on the phone,sms,skypeing,collecting presents each day .We get along then she goes off with the accusation,,thennshes ok again and then shes back,,must have happened at least 8 times in a year.I pleaded to her to not break it up till i met her in person. Ill give her the credit of staying faithful and we got together as soon as I landed in England. I wasnt very comfy. Imagine,,ther i am after a 16 hour fligh,,in a strange land,,confused and tired. She says shell drive from her village to meet me in the rail station at 10 pm. She closes that call by saying "'Ill wait just five minutes there,,and then Ill go away" As it turned out,,I was thenone that waited 20 minutes fore she came. I was in a daze (though a clean daze) and cant remember much except that she tok me out to the park,dinner,cooked ,helped me unpack and we made love. then 4 or 5 days pass and I appear at the University. Then i did get to meet her weekends and sometimes during the week too. I began to distress on her constantly changing mind. There were inconsistencies in her behaviour,, example=she says shes tired and cant meet me,, tehn in the evening she sends a message that says shes in a pub with friends. I was accepting all that quietly. But she was constantly angry with any change in my plans. And it wasnt my fault. Like last Friday i was at her place.Shed called me over. then she says shes ot to go for a hair do and then to meet her friend and go to lunch. I said i was off to Derbshire with an NA friend as that friend had promised to take me there so I could photo the glorious autum falls. Yello and gold and red said my riend Nick. But when I call Nick,,his phone dosnt answer and he dosent call back so i do something else locally near her place. God knows why that upset her and she stayed upset while I used those times to attend as may NA meetings as I could. Moreover so as I was the main speaker in two of them. Thank God those guys and gals loved my sharing and I loved theirs. Sunday I call on my usual number and theres no response,,but when i called on a new card she says HELLO. I think that very devious but anyways Im cool with her. I ask how shes feeling,,is the fever and sickness past etc. thenI goto teh Sunday afternoon NA meeting. there I decided to drop a woamn off to a city 100 miles from where we were. That woman member was in total distress after being attacked by he son in law. And shes also epileptic. I couldnt leave her alone and go. That freaked J out completely. In fact just so as not to hide things from J i asked L the woman member to speak to her when Id called J. Anyways she was livid with me later and decided to call our affair off. After that tho i did some loving tele messages and a very rational mail,,no response from her. This time around Im just leaving it all be,,thinking its GODS wiill tht I dont obssess on J anymore. That maybe thenonly way to achieve peace of the heart ad now concentrate on my studies and sanity....Its been a very difficult affair at best,, was a challenge ,,but after facingit fair and sqaure and in good faith,,im humbly asking God to remove that which stand in the way of my usefulness to my family,NA family and friends and fellows at college and business. Its nite here and Im looking forward to a new,,non obssesed day ! Gnite all and God Bless you,,if youre already Blessed then stay blessed !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hey Raman, sorry it didn't work out. Love is always a gamble and most times we just have to appreciate the limited time that we got to spend those people. Love is one day at a time, just like everything else. When we stay in the moment, love is perfect. It's when we start obsessing about the future of love that we have the problems.
If we can love for today and not expect it for tomorrow, we will never be hurt knowing fully that there are many waiting somewhere who would wish for love today as we do. God bless you Raman, your heart is good. Don't let this bring you down. My guess that she thought that you were too good for her and that she didn't deserve such a great love, so she sabotaged her success with you. Better sooner than later. I wouldn't look back. We like say "as one door closes, other doors will open". Whenever I think about love, I think about Paul's letter to the corinthians.
Fabulous Dean,,Thank God for you !! Wasnt it Paul= "Bring me your feelings ?" Yes I bring you my feelings,, sad and lonely,,but knowing that this too shall pass. J may have demoralized me for some time,, but I thank for you re-moralizing share,, Hugs and love !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Prayers, good wishes and Hugs Raman. One of the messages from your shares that impacted me a lot was "better to have tried and failed than not having loved at all."
By the way you describe the events between you and J, I don't think that it's over. I think the real challenge of any relationship might have just begun. But I might be wrong here. Glad you could turn it all over and let go. If you two are meant to be, I'm sure she will be back in your life, and if not, then your Higher Power has great plans for you
Glad you're havin a good time at NA there bro, keep rockin...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
You are fantastic Tahir,,it sure isnt over. We made up last weekend and my darling is back in my life. Really like you say its a challenge,,one that has really made me appreciate theProgram. Yes whenI really got honest and got in touch with my inner self I knew it was me who was making errors. My actions were inconsistent with my words,, though not necessarily dishonest. I did explain my stand point to her,, I tried not to be forceful or self righteous. then I realised more than anything else that all that my sweethear was asking me was to be a friend first and foremost. My God,,i had completely missed that point. Anyways,,I quickly made what amends I could,then surrendered. Saturday after a meeting in Leeds i decided I will go back and return her book. On he way i picked up roses. I put a note to it,,offering my friendship first of all. And yes Tahir,,my beloved did respond with grace and goodness. Were back withneach other
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Real love lasts the tests of time , also the tests of charecter no one is perfect we all have our flaws hopefully we find some who can accept us and we do the same in turn, it aint easy for some of us. I wish and hope for what ever is best for you and J Raman, time will tell enjoy each day.
That's awesome, so happy to hear that Big NA Hugs.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
