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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> terrified of the thought of losing him
Post Info TOPIC: terrified of the thought of losing him
franticwiththecrisco


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terrified of the thought of losing him
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My name is Kristi. I am an addict.

i was married a couple years back to a fellow addict. enabler to each other. long story short, it ended terribly. I got 2 dwi's, he was kicked out of the Marine Corps for drug use. it's a sad american story. i moved away to Illinois and started working at Olive Garden. I met him. the guy that changed my life. changed my whole way and source of thinking. i stopped drinking to be with him. I relapsed a few times but i held true for about  9 months. we were married in July. everything seems to be perfect. he's finishing school. I'm working full time.

last week i went out while he was at work. i drank at a bar and drove home. I was pulled over for a wide turn down Frank Scott. i couldn't believe i had fell that far off the wagon. i couldn't believe this was happening. i kept praying in the car. and the cop gave me a warning.

was this a warning from God? I was violently sick for the next few days. I'm so depressed right now. am i going to be the same wife i was? i don't want it to take over. I don't want the feeling like i can control this addiction to be anywhere near me. i know i can't.

i will be joining a group soon. im strong, but not that strong.



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Manon


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welcome to NA miracles in progress you have found home from this moment forward you are Never Alone Never Again! If no one has told you today that they love you let me be the first I love you and welcome home.

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 Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.
Og Mandino

Blithe Spirit


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Hey Kristi

Welcome. I can't control it alone either. We help each other here and at real life meetings.

The program of recovery helps us to become the people we wish to be. It can help you, too. Are you able to get to a meeting in your area?

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DeanC


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welcome Fran,  you may want to join us at the MIP AA board as well 
http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735.

To mantain your recovery, it's neccessary to shift the focus from your relationship to yourself and keep yourself and your recovery the priority. You can't do it for someone else.   Whatever you put in front of your recovery, you will lose anyway when you relpase.   Many of us try and hide in relationships and it can work for awhile, but what happens when it's over?  It's like they say "where ever you go, there you are".  And since you mentioned your concerns about relationships,  Have a look at these to see if you identify. 
http://www.codependents.org/foundation-docs-patterns.php

Dean


-- Edited by DeanC at 07:02, 2008-10-21

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AnthonyG


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hey Kristi, Welcome to MIP . 
 
You'Ve taken a pretty important first baby step towards your recovery by coming here. Congratulations on that first step. To continue your progress I think its vital you make face to face ( f2f ) meetings. Find a sponsor and work a complete first step. Fully admitting to yourself your powerlessness over your disease and the unmanageably of your life.

  I fully believe in the power of support that's available on-line. Ive been lucky enough to meet some really great people that i trust are in my corner through my continued recovery. Having said that , I also believe that the online support I get is comparable to really good vitamins, With f2f meetings being the food staple of my recovery diet. Not a thing in the world wrong with vitamins, but ya gotta eat something.

  Again welcome to MIP , I look forward to your future posts.

   Friends in recovery.
   Anthony G.

 

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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .

                         Yasutani Roshi
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