I wanted to ask for some help in a certain area, but I'm somewhat reluctant because I feel like I should know the answer. My mind tells me I'm supposed to be the guy others come to, not the one seeking help. This may sound silly, but I've been around here long enough to recognize when my disease is doing the talking. So, at the risk of appearing weak or foolish, this is my dilemma: I have a job that feeds into one of my most glaring defects- I'm lazy! My current job requires only that I show up regularly and on time, the work is minimal, I just have to BE here. It is sooooo easy, I work about 1-2 hours out of eight, I have hi speed internet, cable tv, I can read, talk on the phone, or even sleep! On the other hand, it doesn't pay much, just enough to get by, and I have NO benefits. But it's so easy, it's been really hard to make the decision to move on.
The Book talks about how we have to live our lives, not just exist, waiting for God to provide everything. So, we pray to let our Higher Power know what it is we want, do the footwork, then leave the results up to Him. My question is this: How do I know when I'm just doing MY part, making sure I'm doing all I can- you know, being persistent- and when I'm pushing TOO hard and getting into self will by trying to force the outcome that I want? We're supposed to try to live life to the fullest, right? So, where is the line between God's will and self-will? When have I stopped putting forth all the effort I can to get this new job I want, and gone over the line into trying to self-will it into being?
I have been thinking about this a lot lately because I really do want this job at a treatment facility, but only if it's God's will for my life. So any help in understanding the boundary between "doing my part" and "manipulating outcomes" would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for allowing me to be me, and thanks in advance for the help.
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
I haven't been posting much lately as recovery is slightly kicking my ass , but this is something I too have been working on.
I also had a job that was very easy physically except it also had great benefits and pay. I had a couple small problems there, Ive posted on them before.
As i am trying hard to grow in recovery and work a program in every area of my life My thoughts naturally turned to my work. Was i truly satisfied there ? I was making more money than i ever had before, but did that money make me happy ? I had very little to do, but was i growing in spirit ,or just becoming lazy ? I did take great pride in my abilities as a toolmaker and also my job allowed me to do little else except help other people. For that i was grateful.
As jobs often do that one passed . Now i find myself looking again for work. And I'm looking for something more meaningful. Something that can make me feel good spiritually, physically and mentally. I have no idea what that job it, but I'm putting it in my higher powers hands. I am diligent about looking , I don't want an opportunity to pass. I also don't want to ,in a panic take the wrong job.
By applying the steps I pray my hopes and dreams can be realized . Its possible they will not be . Its possible this is simply not my time. But my faith that my time will come IF I continue to grow is strong.
One of those " old guys " I'm always quoting by the name of Tarthang Tulku had this to say about our work.
" Every kind of work can be a pleasure. Even simple household chores can be an opportunity to expand our caring and effectiveness , our responsiveness. As we respond with caring and vision to ALL work, we develop our capacity to respond fully to our lives. Every action generates positive energy, which can be shared with others. These qualities of caring and responsiveness are the greatest gifts we can offer."
I feel like Dan that you are a man full of caring and responsiveness. Are these qualities being fully put to work in your daily life ? Only you know .
Hope this didn't come off to much like the rantings of another loonie. I have much to learn.
Your friend in recovery Anthony
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
Hey Dan, My first sponsor said that "staying clean and sober is our primary purpose, but not our only purpose". He said that "God also wants us to work". He also told me that it's perfectly acceptable and worthwhile to pray for the opportunity to work. Being self employed (for most of my life) continuously for over 20 years is in and of itself a leap of faith. Faith that work will come to me, and in that faith I pray and am very grateful for the gift of work to take care of my needs.
I draw my spiritual input form several sources, one being the "new thought" Church that my wife is the administrator of (First Unity Church). This is that same group that has put out the "Daily word"daily reader that you've seen. Anyway, they consider prosperity to be something that's good to work and pray for. This reinforces what I already believed.
Being an adult child and a recovering alcoholic as well, I learned about my self centered fears and their manifestations in my life as: fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of success, and fear of losing what I thought was mine, or what I thought was coming to me. All of these things contributed greatly to my apathy, complacentness (<-word?) perfectionism, and procrastination.
Dan I think if you have something you want to do then start researching and taking the steps towards that goal , along the way you'll find out if it's meant to be.
Look at me it's 8:30am I dont have to be to work until I get there I'm on piece work not by the hour as long as the job I have today gets done today everyones happy. I have done 2 jobs in a day just to have an extra day off from work it's a pretty nice setup for me since I have my own business also and at times I get busy in that too.
But I feel the same way I feel like I should be doing more towards self reliance in my own business, if I have more time I could market myself a lot more but I am lazy and even when I have extra time which I do each afternoon I dont do it and then I beat myself up for being so lazy.
For me its a matter of time I dont think I have much time left before my bodys stop working I fear physical disability is inevitable and if I had my own business running like I wish it was all I would have to do it get my crews rolling each days as the jobs pour in LOL thats a dream man, not really far fetched but I would really need to put 110% into making that happen and honestly I am much to lazy for that, just being honest here too.
Listen to your heart follow your dreams but as we all know it takes action on our part, hey it only took me about 5 years to finally take the contractors state exam because I was afraid I would fail, I nailed the thing on the first go round so that fear was all unneccessary .
Thanks, everyone, for the input. I have also been talking to one of my "spiritual advisors" and got some really insightful suggestions. He says that as long as I am being honest in my efforts and not lying to make myself seem more experienced or equipped for the position, then I'm just being persistent. Another thing he says is a sign of self will is if I'm willing to harm another or allow another to come to harm in order to get what I want. These both seem like sound indications of self will. Can you help me think of any others? Thanks, again for all the suggestions!!
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
