I originally wrote this for my area newsletter awhile back. Seemed like an appropriate time to share it here- hope you like it!
Recently, I have had several newer members call to tell me about so-and-so's behavior, or this persons attitude, or that persons manner of speaking, etc. It made me remember when I was new, how I did the same thing. I used to wear my sponsor out, I'm sure, with my constant complaining about "how can this person still act like THAT with THAT amount of clean time" and so on... Well, today I can say that I have a little different perspective on this topic.
I want to share something that happened to me when I had just a few months clean that got my attention. It was one of those "God Moments" that sticks with me to this day. I was driving on the Interstate and I passed an old, ramshackle car driving in the center lane with its turn signal on, but he wasn't changing lanes. You know the scenario I mean. As I approached from behind I wondered how ANYONE could be so oblivious to their surroundings! I passed the car muttering about his inattention and then continued to look in my rearview mirror to see if he was EVER going to turn his signal off, and you guessed it, I looked up just in time to find myself drifting into the other lane. Distracted, I blamed HIM for making me lose my concentration and cross the line. Who cared about his old broke down jalopy, anyway? As I continued driving, a HUGE, shiny, new semi rig pulled up alongside me on the left and... WOW! was it beautiful! Lots of chrome, custom paint, dozens of running lights and clearance lights, a condominium sized sleeper... What a beautiful truck it was!!! I got so caught up in admiring this gorgeous tractor/trailor that I drifted into the other lane AGAIN!!! When I realized what I had done and why, I started to laugh. Today I realize that any time I get to looking too long at someone else's poor behavior, OR when I spend too much time admiring some oldtimers excellent program, I'm endangering my own recovery by taking the focus off myself. God was showing me what can happen when I don't keep my eyes on where I'm going and what I need to be doing. Sponsor said that if I would spend the first six months of each year minding my OWN business and the next six months staying out of everyone ELSE'S, I would probably be OK. I found this to be good advice, though, like all advice, I haven't always followed it. I know life is better when I do. Also, I know that it's a process to get to this point. As long as I'm growing, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I just need to keep coming back!!! Thanks for letting me share.
-- Edited by dan h at 00:16, 2008-09-24
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
I'm feeling right or wrong that this post and many others have come to me in a time of need . That my HP has put me where I need to be . And right now its right here.
Reading these thoughts on recovery and at times letting me know where my mistakes lie.
It is with great love for this fellowship and the people who have come before me that i sit here today. I truly believe That even I can recover from a disease that has robbed me of my chance to to be the person HP has always wanted me to be.
Recently I have been guilty of a great many judgmental calls on other peoples programs. For this i sincerely apologize to All in this room. I make no excuses for my actions. It was me and for the greater good of me I accept what i have done and humbly ask your forgiveness .
Without breaking anonymity I would like to share something that I feel has been instrumental in my continued recovery.
I was recently contacted by an addict who lives far from me. Ive never met this guy and he doesn't know me from adam. We have spoken before on the phone and through these post kept in fairly steady contact.He called to discuss my illness and the way I may continue to demonstrate it while reacting with an addicts mind vs. a recovering addicts mind. This addict lives 2300 miles from me.
In the course of that phone call ( and a few posts )I became acutely aware of my own defect of character. Hoping it wasn't to late to stop the bleeding this addict with my permission gave my phone number to another (Third) addict , also far away from me.
I was contacted yesterday by an addict whom i had deemed heartless. cruel . and condescending to addicts new in the program. I could not have been more wrong.
I found in that addict someone that has been in my shoes, He knows where I'm at . And he knows where I'm going If i follow these steps.
I hope this didn't get to convoluted for you guys to understand where I'm coming from. Several addicts coming together to help ME !!! I have never felt i was so much in a place where i needed to be.
This out-poring of fellowship is overwhelming to me. And I really want to thank all those involved. Through you generous efforts. I feel humbled and rejuvenated in my continued recovery.
Thank you all so much,
Anthony G.
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" If you have built castles in the air , your work need not be lost ; that is where they should be . Now put the foundations under them . "
ITs what I call keeping your eye on the ball, like in baseball one glance away can mean missing that catch or getting BONKED in the face. When I was a kid I couldn't focus well enough to catch a ball I would watch it coming at me and be so distracted thinking I was going to miss it that I would, same with hitting so worried about other things , that and my eye hand corrdination wasn't very good either LOL.
But as I grew and matured it got better and my focus less on what others thought changed inside of me, what was improtant was doing the best i could for me and the team.
Someone told me once make sure my own yard was clean before criticising someone else's, well theres a lot of work to do in my yard matter of fact it will never be done, it needs constant tending and nurturing.
I've done the same thing Dan I am one of those raging drivers at times often before driving I have to decide how i'm going to act on the road before i even get on it I have to check myself before I wreck myself and others LOL
Good shares guys thanks so much for that share Anthony this will bring growth and maturation to your recovery and you'll be more helpful with this widom you've attained and honest appraisal of self, I comend you and others involved too all around good stuff men!!
Hey Anthony, Thank you for opening up and becoming vulnerable. It's this kind of honesty that has kept me clean so far and it's the kind of example you are setting that makes it possible for others to know that they too, are safe getting honest and vulnerable. They told me they would love until I learned how to love myself. Thanks for the opportunity to pass it on. Also, lighten up on yourself! You're human, just like the rest of us! Man, if I told you some of the crap I pulled in my first months and even first couple of years clean, it's curl yer nose hair! On a bad day I can still go there. Anyway, just stay clean, work your program, and watch how HP will transform you. You aren't going to become humanitarian of the year overnight, so just one day at a time, give yourself a break. One reason I was so hard on others was because I was also my own harshest critic. When I came to understand that the end of all spiritual growth is to teach me how to love, my life got a lot easier. Anthony, it's an honor to be here to witness the transformation taking place in YOUR life. You're right where you're supposed to be, if at any time you don't believe this, just look down. If you see your feet, you're where you're supposed to be. Luv You, Man!!
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
Thanks for sharing that wonderful insight Dan NA Hugs.
Yes, I do end up complaining or indulging in such gossip at times, but the Program has taught me to reverse this behavior by using it to look at what might be disturbing me so much about the other member, what is it that I feel, why do I think the way I've been thinking about the other person? I also do "turnarounds" that I picked up from a spiritual concept outside of NA, like for example, if I find myself thinking "why is so and so behaving in such a disgusting way?" I turn it around to ask myself "Why am I behaving in such a disgusting way in this person's context?" Doing so gently brings me back to my own inventory...
Simply put in a recovery saying... "you spot it you got it"
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
NA Hugs.
