Some of you know this story and its history with me. Some of you don't , so ill give some background.
Years ago i met a friend , good guy ,younger than me but with a good heart. We got together frequently and on one of those occasions it became obvious that he was moving fairly large amounts of a particular " thing " . Its not important what, you all know .
I don't know how much of my addict nurtured this relationship ,or how much of it was just genuinely caring about this guy. He was single when we met ,i saw him through many girl friends until he met " the one " There was the bachelor party. The wedding. And soon kids.I was there through all of it.
My wife and his were bffs ( best fiends forever) no typo. We all got together very often and bonded over our DOC.
Long story short I ended up working for this guy . Imagine that . my best friend . my using buddy , my dealer and my boss all wrapped up in one neat package. I had it made , An addicts utopia .
Nearly a year ago I decided that i was done with that particular drug. I decided to gain some control over myself. And it worked for the most part.
Almost immediately my relationship changed with my friend. And also with my wife and her bff. With my wife it was by default because I was the scorer and she was the scoree .
Weeks then months passed without us going over. They stopped calling. My friend seemed to take great offence to us quitting . Things at times got tense at work. Eventually i wanted to quit everything , that was 106 days ago.
Word was coming back to me from other managers that my friend was not pleased with me, He started to over critique my word and took every opportunity to display even the most minor deviation to the heads that counted.
I was getting more and more stressed out. But I had started this program and i applied these principles at every opportunity. I let it go. I didn't feel resentment. The calmer I got the more aggressive my buddy got.
Things began coming up missing at work, Things were happening that were totally counter-productive to what i was trying to do for myself spiritually. And still word from other managers indicated my buddy was heavily into a take no prisoners way of life.
So i did what i was being taught to do. I talked to other addicts. I read my BT. I read things concerned with helping me be a better me. I got a sponsor. I went to meetings. And in the end i prayed to my Hp.
So why am i telling you this ? On Wednesday morning at about 5:15 AM i was praying. I asked HP for a solution. I asked for guidance . I asked
that this issue be resolved in a way that was best for me. That may have been a mistake. At 6:45 AM I was called into the head honchos office and formally laid-off.
I expect this is best. It is my first crises as a clean addict. I'm jobless. Im insuranceless. But I'm still clean. I'm also a bit scared . I'm kind of hoping for the support Ive come to expect from this room.
Thanks for letting me share. I'm Anthony , I'm an addict
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" If you have built castles in the air , your work need not be lost ; that is where they should be . Now put the foundations under them . "
It sounds like you have building a foundation that will carry you through your first crisis.
As they say, when one door closes, another opens.
Being at odds with an active addict can be very trying to your well being. It sounds like you were coping well, but eventually, the addict in you might have conviced you that if you can't beat your friend you might as well join him....
A new opportunity will open up, just remember, you prayer was to relove it in a way that is best for you.
In your HP's time, at the best moment for you, a new job will be there.
He just finished showing you how powerful prayer is, he won't leave you hanging.
Kathleen.
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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
i am glad you are still clean anthony it is a drag you lost your job man but it sounds as if it was inevitable anyway there are other jobs out there and your hp will guide you to the one for you i really believe that i am not just paying lip service to the program it seems that my hp gives me what i need when he thinks i need it but that is ok i think you will find that it is the same for you something will come to you and it will fit your nrew life and with you working the program keep positive i will pray for you and yours
god bless rocky
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
Yes, just like one of us mentioned above, your working the program on this issue is very inspiring, such a strong foundation of recovery serves us well in the long run no doubt about it.
I've had a few situations in my recovery myself when applying the program on them seemed like a setback at first. Later on, with the help of my second and third steps, I learnt to turnaround these situations and consequences. Today, I know for sure, that things transpire in a certain way in my daily life only and only because there is a loving, caring and compassionate intention of my Higher Power for me behind these seemingly 'bad' experiences and 'setbacks'. This is how I've learnt to open my mind to the Second Step, thanks to my Sponsor. Even though I might not know what this loving, caring and compassionate intention of my Higher Power is, at the time of the incident/situation, I surrender to the reality, if that's what has happened, then that's what was meant to happen as part of my Higher Power's loving plan for me. I trust this, and move on with hope.
Later on, in the course of time, I realize why things had to happen the way they happened, and I feel so grateful that they did, as I begin to clearly see what those experiences did to me in the long run - I get to learn, change and grow. I have come to believe that there is a loving gift of my Higher Power for me, a blessing, a very powerful lesson that my Higher Power wants me to have for my own advantage and further growth, hidden beneath these seemingly painful experiences/crises.
Today, I'm at peace this way with the fact that I have an acting/deteriorating liver due to the Hepatitis C that I picked up through sharing dirty needles while using. I've learnt to live with these sometimes debilitating symptoms. I know that it can get worse, and eventually I have to face the health consequences that might threaten my living. But it doesn't disturb me. Thanks to my Hep C, I have learnt to care for my body, nurture my physical health, listen to what my body tells me, and do the needful. Yoga, Meditation, Walking, healthy eating and sleeping habits, cooperating and committing to my recovery at physical level, something that I seldom cared for all my life.
My father is down with cancer, but I'm grateful for all that has changed between him and me, in our family, between us brothers and sisters as a consequence. Today, me and my father have a relationship that was seldom possible if not for his cancer. We speak from the heart, freely, all those things that we both wanted to express to each other all our lives but were not able to. We are the best of friends and companions. Facing the possibility of experiencing the death of a loved one has opened my mind to the principles of acceptance, humility, hope and surrender on an even deeper level. Living these principles has become a necessary reality for me if I have to deal and live with whatever comes my way in my recovery.
There are moments where I despair about many things gone wrong/bad in my life, but with the help of the program, the fellowship and my Higher Power, today I choose to not let myself sucked away by these setbacks as my dis-ease would want me to. Instead, I'm grateful today that I can choose to respond to whatever transpires with the principles of the program, assured that my Higher Power's is in charge
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hi Anthony, And many thanks, Tahir. You have expressed my exact views on steps two and three. Just wanted to add this that I read somewhere: "When I get only exactly what I need, exactly when i need it, I eventually find out that it was what I really wanted all along, I just didn't know it." Sometimes God has to remove "good" from my life so He can replace it with "better." I would probably not willingly give up "good." Hang in there Anthony, you have many friends here who need you. Dan
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
. And it worked for the most part.
