Hey Kris,



I look at it like this:

Addictionis a disease. Period. Anything that an addict does or uses is just a symptom of the terminal illness ADDICTION.

So cutting, drugging, drinking, shopping, sex, food.....Anything in excess or self destructive a symptom of addiction.

There are twelve step groups called emotions anonymous that might work for your sister, there is also a program called 16 steps for women. It goes a little beyond the 12 steps and is broad enough to cover all life problems. It is refered to as on empowerment group.

here are some links:

http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/

http://www.charlottekasl.com/16steps.html



-- Edited by kitizzy on Sunday 13th of September 2009 09:07:32 PM

Geez , I thought dope was my problem . Theres good reason i know my car will go 162 MPH on the button. Is there a drivingtogawddamnfast anoyomous ? Dont bother coming back with the " putting others in danger " speech . Im alone and the roads are clear .

-- Edited by mrwinkie at 11:52, 2008-09-13

Hey Anthony,

I guess we all have our ways of dealing when things get to be too much.

With cutting, it is like you body is a pressure cooker. Sometimes feelings and hurt get so built up that it feels like you are about to explode.

For me, the action of cutting myself and seeing blood offered a release of sorts from all of the pain that was inside.

Simplified, it was liking popping a big pimple.

"Simplified, it was liking popping a big pimple. "

Oh thanks for that. Yuk.

Makes perfect sense. The brain chemistry involved is beyond me at this point. Am going to learn about it. But it appears that with all forms of addiction there is an impact on our brain chemistry that causes us to feel better than we do without or as our addictive substance wears off.

I read an explanation somewhere that what happens in our central nervous system and our brains is that the addictive substance or behavior does something that acts like a brake. It stops or slows down the stuff we don't want to feel or know. Our bodies respond by pushing down the accelerator. And then we respond with a behavior or a substance that acts as a brake again and often need more and more "braking" substances or behaviors as our accelerators keep pushing down more and more at the same time.

Whatever the cutting does, it acts as a brake to prevent something, release something, divert something, etc. If works at some level so you do it again. And then the beat goes on, and the beat goes on. Until you can't do it any more, substances-behaviors, and you get to go through the feelings you have as a result of your accelerator being pushed full down to the floor and pushing your central nervous system as fast as it can go.

So for the folks who wonder why they like to drive at excessive speeds? Well its even more than just an illustration, it is your actual behavior.

Whatever it is that is happening "inside" when you are driving that fast is acting actually opposite of what you car is doing. While you are going fast in your car, you are slowing something down on the inside and you feel better for that period of time.

Since you do know that its not normal, or standard, or safe, whatever word you want to use, to drive like that as you are doing, the "why" you are doing it if not addressed will keep you driving fast. Ok so its not endangering anyone directly, how about endangering you? How about the people you love? What danger are you possible subjecting them to? What would their grief be like if something happened to you?

I've also had to understand and agree that part of the behavior of addiction is selfishness. I am not judging you, would not, I am an addict. I can judge no one. But your post has a very selfish nature to it. Its okay cause no one is around so I'm going to do what I want. That's your excuse or explanation?

So if no one would ever know that I took any more Vicodin, guaranteed no random drug test, it would be totally between me and myself and my body, then it would be okay for me to take a Vicodin? NO, not if I want to recover. YES, if I want to continue the bullshit and the bullshitting. I want a real life in a real world with real people and to be deserving of real people in a real world loving me really. Can't get there and play games with the addiction.

I dare say the idea that you can drive as fast as you want because its just you on the road, that's bullshit.

Sorry, but that's what it feels like to me. And again, I am NOT judging you.

Jim

imikens wrote:

---

Simplified, it was liking popping a big pimple.

Thinking about that some more as I was typing the above. This actually could be a great illustration of crossing the line between non-addictive behaviors and addictive behaviors.

IF you had a big boil, big pimple, something that was infected and had built up an infection in the deeper layers of your skin, popping it as you describe, lancing a boil as one would medically, is non-addictive because there is poison, infection, etc., that needs to be allowed to escape or be removed. You will not get well without the cutting, popping, lancing, etc. Your body is sick and to get well needs the procedure.

But with addiction, there is no underlying poison or infection that is being treated. The behavior then is not one that gets you well, its one that both makes you sick and is an indication that you are sick. Something is "wrong".

There is a line I crossed with the Vicodin. There is the "I needed it" side of the line that meant the Vicodin was part of my getting well. On the "I wanted it" side of the line meant I was well but I was making myself sick and doing something that was "sick" by taking medicine when I was already well.

So good illustration. There is a time when popping a big pimple and the good feeling releasing that pressure creates is about wellness. There is a time when needing to feel the release that comes from popping a pimple is sick, addictive, un-well.

---

Good point, unfortunately with chemical dependencies and this sort of behaviour, after doing it long enough you do have to do it just to survive.
Like with the drugs, you body becomes so dependent on them it becomes dangerous to not use.





-- Edited by kitizzy on Sunday 13th of September 2009 09:08:38 PM

I am like the same girl that you talked about in your meeting. I was a huffer by 6th grade and I was cutting shortly after. I stoped eating right around there too. The things got better for a while but I always went back to cutting. My senior year I got really into drugs and a deep depression and I had to cut or do drugs everyday just to deal with my emotions. Today I am twenty and I have almost 5 months clean from drugs and I go to Na meetings, but I still use cutting to deal with things at time. Just like using drugs my cutting is now a everyday thing. Happy, sad, silly, angry any mood I'm in I have to cut. In the past 5 days I've cut 12 times. It's an addiction just like drugs. It's a tool I use to hurt my self because I have low self esteem and think I'm worthless. The idea of suicide is in the back of my mind at times and it is scary. For me having a sponser who understand and can relate helps. I know I need to just work the steps with not only my drug problem but my cutting problem too. I need to celebrate my clean time and recovery from cutting and maybe that will help me stop. I really don't know beause I'm still cutting and the reason I found this page was because I was looking for a cutter anonymous group online.