I have posted before about my A bf and our tendency to use together despite my intention to always refrain... Well, he apparently has now hooked up with the girl he was arrested with for needle drugs. He made the comment to his family that she was good for him as she was clean now and working and that when he went out with me we stayed up all night. Granted, there is truth to this. It's just that he always had it and waited until I was intoxicated to present it, etc. Not making excuses- just that I was not "twisting HIS arm" to participate. I should further explain that we have a son. I have a Masters Degree, a good job, and a house. While I would do anything and have for him, he seems on some level to resent me and the affection he had for me while he was incarcerated 3 wks ago seems now to have turned to full fledged judgement. I am not trying to make excuses for my using. I know you have read my previous posts about how I was feeling about that, but now to be accused of promoting someone else's habit is hurtful and confusing.
you are powerless over everything you are loved and things if turned over to your higher power will in your hp's time go the way they are supposed to go
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
I am in recovery for drug addiction and I am in recovery for being in very codependant, abusive relationships. I am now single, and drug free. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I can look back and reflect on my usage and relationships and although everyone has free will, I can see how I have things that I need to take ownership for. Recently, my ex. The father of my daughter started seeing someone. My first reaction was to be hurt and confused. Now I realize that I need to pray for her. I know my ex. I know him for the addict that he is. I know where that goes. I have chosen to do things different. I feel sad that she is in a place where it is okay to put up with some of the behaviours that he has. I know that for myself that sometimes my intentions were good, but when you mix the disease of addiction into it, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I hear things that he is saying now, and all I know is that the only person that I can take ownership for is mysef. As they say, "it is what it is" I am finding that sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do. I think for myself though, it is the healthiest.
Good luck Kathleen
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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
I'm new to this, 4 days clean from vicodin so I hardly have any history nor like I have my act together. You sound hurt. I am sorry that you are hurt. My wife and I discovered we were both healthfully co-dependent and unhealthfully co-dependent and took us some work with a counselor and some work books/books to see the behaviors, unlearn the unhealthy ones, relearn the healthy ones..... My wife is the love of my life. In fact one of the reasons I stopped taking the Vicodin that I am now dealing with. I want to be all there for her as she deserves and the vicodin was robbing me from her. Totally unacceptable.
Addiction and co-dependence are two peas of the same pod. So I'm not surprised I got hooked on the Vicodin. I bet if I call the counselor who helped us before he'd probably would not be surprised. Nor that you seem to have them as side by side issues.
I am in recovery for drug addiction and I am in recovery for being in very codependant, abusive relationships. I am now single, and drug free. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I can look back and reflect on my usage and relationships and although everyone has free will, I can see how I have things that I need to take ownership for. Recently, my ex. The father of my daughter started seeing someone. My first reaction was to be hurt and confused. Now I realize that I need to pray for her. I know my ex. I know him for the addict that he is. I know where that goes. I have chosen to do things different. I feel sad that she is in a place where it is okay to put up with some of the behaviours that he has. I know that for myself that sometimes my intentions were good, but when you mix the disease of addiction into it, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I hear things that he is saying now, and all I know is that the only person that I can take ownership for is mysef. As they say, "it is what it is" I am finding that sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do. I think for myself though, it is the healthiest.
Good luck Kathleen
You sound really great Kathleen..
Back in the day I too was in numerous bad abusive relationships!
Sounds like a blessing to me. An unhealthy addict out of your life and less distractions from focusing on your own recovery. That's the way I view my divorce at the beginning of my recovery, but not at first of course. It's painful and my x-wife of 6 years, mother of my child, immediately hooked up with a guy that was waiting in the wings, like any good codependent would.
She did me a big favor removing her sick self from my sick life so that I could get down to my issues that were behind my addictions. After that I'd stayed single for 3 years, got used to living alone and being my own best friend. I got a life, and I embraced the program, bachelorhood and became quite good at. I made a ton of friends in the program, got involved with hobbies and a couple of clubs. Then when I started dating again, I was coming from a position of strength, not weakness.
Anyone new who wanted to become a part of my life was going to have to demonstrate how that would be an improvement to my lifestyle for me to make room for them in my life. We are only going to attract people that are about as healthy as we are. I wound up meeting (my 2nd wife of 11.5 years) a non addict person ("normal"?) who was more independent than me (which scared the **** out of me because she didn't Need me) and we saw each pretty infrequently for the first year. Her living 60 miles away helped . 15 years later and I'm still amazed at what a wonderful person she is and wonder how I got was so lucky that she came into my life.
for me to make room for them in my life. We are only going to attract people that are about as healthy as we are. I wound up meeting (my 2nd wife of 11.5 years) a non addict person ("normal"?) who was more independent than me (which scared the **** out of me because she didn't Need me) and we saw each pretty infrequently for the first year. Her living 60 miles away helped 
. 15 years later and I'm still amazed at what a wonderful person she is and wonder how I got was so lucky that she came into my life. 
