Hi Jim...
Im Honey Bear and I am addict too! I was exactly where you are now 6 months and 13 days ago.

It does get better. I am very proud that you said you want your life back.

Dan is so right too....It is one thing trying to get clean...Its another thing to STAY clean. I am not a first time winner in this fellowship. I went to NA meetings back in 1983.

I did manage to get 8 years clean dry whatever you want to call it. I never listened to anyone...barely went to meetings never got a sponsor...nor did I work the steps.

When a person works the steps via a really great sponsor there is where you will get your freedom back and your life back.

I too encourage you to find local NA meetings. They have books like this blue book that shares our experiences, strength and hopes.

There is also a book called HOW and WHY and with that book is an actual workbook.

My sponsor told me to get the WORKBOOK and starting answering all the questions in STEP one STEP TWO etc..It kind of empty's the garbage in your brain. I cant exactly explain the dynamics but life gets better just by answering those questions.

Please dont feel weird or alone..look you already have 2 people me and Dan who already believe in you. Believe it or not when you do go to a meeting you will be suprised because the newcomber is the most important person in any room!

If you cant ake it please keep coming here I am here for you!

Thanks for all the positive words.  And congrats to you who have been clean/dry as well.  The problem I have is work.  The repruccussions of full blown out in the light so everyone knows I am withdrawing from Vicodin are harsh.  Even knowing it is prescription, it still does not set well with my employer.

I have a brother who is an addictive behavioral counselor.  I would not use him as a group or as a counselor but at the same time have spoken with him and following his advice.  He told me many of his clients don't use their insurance to pay him for the same fear I have and that is a paper trail that could cost them their employment.  He also gave me some numbers regarding vicodin addiction that are astonding.  I am one among many.   That sorta helps take the shame away.

Wife and kids fully aware as well of what I am going through and why.  Its not going to be a secret.  It stops now.  Now now now now now now now now now now now now........

Typing that brings me to tears.  Why?  I am so sorry for how I have let opiates warp the last few years of my life.  All the events that I robbed my family from by not being there without adding the vicodin.  Not fully being there.  Believing I and the time was better with the opiate.

What a sneaky little drug this thing is.

Started on fish oil and valarian root per my brother's suggestion. 

I am better today than yesterday.  But not out of the woods.  I made sure nothing was in the house not even liquior.  

Thanks again for all your support it is helpful.
Jim

Do you have more information on the book How and Why?  When I search for it I get so many hits it would take me days to track it down.

Thanks Honey Bear. Will get right on it.

imikens wrote:

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Book ordered. I maybe able to take a few more days off. I would rather not go back to work tomorrow. Day 3.

---

That is great!~

You are already being proactive in your recovery!  When you know enough is enough....than its enough you know!
With your pain...This too shall pass I promise!
xox
Honey Bear

Hi Jim, I'm at work now, it's about midnight in Indy and I wanted to follow up on your posts. It's great that you found the How & Why book, it will help your understanding of the steps, but just as important is the Basic Text, Narcotics Anonymous. It is the shared experience of our fellowship, and is just what the name implies- basic. One other thing I wanted to urge you to do is begin looking for a sponsor. I can not overstate the value of working with a sponsor. It's so important in fact, that in the preface to the Step Working Guide ( the companion workbook to "It Works- How & Why") it says that the only WRONG way to use the workbook is ALONE! One would certainly benefit some from working the steps even alone, but "the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel." A sponsor is just that, an addict in recovery who can give you the benefit of what they have learned. A sponsor doesn't want anything FROM you, only an opportunity to help. We say "We only keep what we have by giving it away." Every time I share my recovery with a sponsee, it serves to reinforce everything I know to be true about the disease, the Program, and the recovery process. Our book says "The reinforcement received by sponsorship is limitless." Ours is a Spiritual, not religious program, and we strongly suggest that members find a Higher Power that can strengthen and guide them. We refer to this power as God often, but G.O.D. can just be "good orderly direction." "We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God." The only suggested guidelines are that the power be loving, caring, and greater than oursleves. I suggest if you already have an understanding of God that works for you, that yu begin to pray and ask for guidance to find the sponsor that yoour HP has for you. It's never too soon to start asking for your Higher Powers help. OK, enough for now. Hope my little rant hasn't put you off, it's very easy to feel overwhelmed but id others have done it, so can you. Good luck, Jim.

Have the rest of the week off. Already have medication for blood pressure. I am so tired. All I want to do is sleep.

Just wondering how many of you are on anti-depressants as a result of what the opiates did to your brain chemistry?

imikens wrote:

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Just wondering how many of you are on anti-depressants as a result of what the opiates did to your brain chemistry?

---

My husband is on Anti depressants from his drug of choice.  He was very depressed and like after the second month life came back to him.  Opiates,crack,weed,whatever all drugs mess up your brain.  There is this guy that goes to our meetings that got locked into the thinking of being an Opiate head is some how different than the rest of us....

I too am guilty intially because I sniffed coke I was better than people who smoked crack.....It's all the same.  A drug is a drug is a drug!

Rest and allow your body to heal.....

imikens wrote:

---

Cravings and "pain" pretty bad today. However if I had access to Vicodin, I would not take them. I guess that's progress. I am not going to go backwards. Walking, drinking lots of vitamin water, have Dr.'s appt. tomorrow.

No opiates since Monday. Whatever day that makes this.

---

DAY 4!~  FOR YOU!~  YEAH!~

It is so funny for the first 60-90 days I would look at my sponsor at a meeting and say how many days do I have!
I am happy you are going to the docs tommorow!

Good on the water and walking...me too!
I was out walking my dog at like 7 am!~  This is a new habit I have picked up!  I think I am going to turn into a complete health nut and exerciser....

It feels good to take care of my body today and maybe I will get addicted to this new way of life!

I am seeing detox doctor today at 4. As the day has progressed, my cravings, etc., have worsened. I need help.

Hello imikens,

good going on 4 days. You should be feeling better. Of course your stress has been being manged by the pain pills for awhile now. And all the sudden you're not taken them and you're going to feel stuff (stress, fear, anger, paing maybe). That's all normal fare for early recovery. In a couple days you should be beyond physical issues as fas withdraw is concerned (you really should be now but I was making a conservative statement). From now on it's a mind game. We are not the voices in our head. We are the poor sob that has to listen to them, or Not.
Once you learn that "your mind is Not your friend" and that you don't have to pay much attention to the various crazy bullshit that it comes up with, the sooner you can start basically telling yourself to STFU when "the committee" upstairs starts generating the drama. "The are no big deals" expect for picking up a drug or a drink. You can get a lot of stress relief, peace of mind, serenity, love, acceptance...from going to meetings.

As far the Dr. goes, unless he/she diagnoses you with some sort mental issues, I wouldn't let him/her arbitrarily put me on anything. They earn vacation points and golf greens fees for doing that shit. Use good judgement here, the object is to Not be on drugs.

Dean

hey Kittzy,

everyone is different.  I did coke every day for 2 years (drinking about a case a beer a day also) and quit cold turkey, started community college two days later.  Didn't a feel a thing.  Of course I was 23 at the time.  I've detoxed myself a few times from opiates, barbs, amphetimines, pcp (and lots of alcohol my doc).  Never been to rehab or seen any doctors.  Not putting it down just saying.  Just because one person has some reaction doesn't mean everyone does.  certainly don't won't to antisapate or suggest that it'll be worse. it is what it is.  You're going to feel like crap for awhile get used to it.  It's the price you're gona pay to get clean and sober. 

"You should be feeling better."

Dean,

Actually while at the doctor's office I felt quite a bit better then any day this week.  In fact if I had felt that good when I made the appointment, I would not have made the appointment.  I took my adult daughter with me and she said we are not going anywhere and she brought me there to see the doctor.  I'm not only glad I took her along, I'm very proud of how she got so smart.....

Started on some detox meds is all and in fact the psychiatrist/detox doctor told me to stop taking the paxil I was on after talking to my pcp.  I'm on a low dose any way and what I described to the psychiatrist as the symptoms I was having that were "depression", the psychiatrist said it was the vicodin making my affect flat and he would doubt I even need antidepressants once the effect of the vicodin is gone.

He also said despite it being prescription meds, that I should to to a NA Group.

Honey Bear....

In talking with my brother-the addictive counselor, who has been very helpful, I guess there is controversy between the "old timers" and the "new timers" regarding things like anti-depressants. His point of view for his clients is success. If research shows more folks succeed coming off of things like cocaine by using antidepressants than in a year or so taper the antidepressants, than why not? If the research shows one kind of approach has a documented higher success rate then what is the argument about? Lets help folks succeed with getting clean and sober. So for him the argument itself is bogus if the goal is success.

It is interesting though.

I continue to be amazed at how wide spread and invasive this all is. My daughter and I just sat slack jawed as the psychiatrist told us about patients using grams of heroine, scores of oxy, etc., come into his office and want to take a pill to make it all better. I've been taking 2 vicodin every 4 to 6 hours every day for about 18 months and I'm having withdrawals. I almost feel like a winnie. Where do these people get all these drugs? Not like I really want to know. It just floors me is all. And what in the world do THEY go through in detox? Man, gotta be hard. Easy to be proud of those folks here and their recovery.

kitizzy wrote:

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I agree with you. Everyone is different.

A couple things that you said in your previous comment came across as diminishing to what Jim has written that he is going through.

He said he is on day four and feels like shit. Telling him he should be over it by now doesn't really help.

---

If you read my first post you would have read "In a couple [more] days you should be beyond physical issues as far as withdrawal is concerned". Go back and read it again. I was talking about "Acute withdrawal". I never said "over it". If you were over it in 4-7 days you wouldn't need 60-90 day treatment centers or NA right? Btw Kitizzy if you use detox drugs to detox your total detox is going to be longer, easier but still longer. You'll still to have to detox the additional medication. That was your experience and I appreciate that. Nothing in my comments previously was trying to "diminish" eithier your or his experience. (I think that you read what you wanted to.) It wasn't my experience as I always quit on my own cold turkey and didn't usually miss more than a day or of work (construction work not sitting at a desk) using a 3 day weekend.

As far as "feeling like shit" goes, you can do that for the rest of your life. Just tell yourself (or tell someone else) believe it, rince and repeat. Once you understand how powerful "the power of suggestion" is, you'll know what I'm talking about. That's why daily affirmations is so important. Telling someone what they can expect, based on your experience, may make their symptoms last longer then they would have without said suggestion.

What bothered me more than "acute withdrawal" was "post acute withdrawal" or post acute withdrawal syndrome. These symptoms, if you have them, can last for 6-18 months after acute withdrawel. Typically effects attention span, irritability, problem solving, coordination, stress level... I experienced problems with "Paws" for most of my first year. here's a couple links to articles about Paws. Not Everyone has Paws symptoms. But it can explain why we feel different at different times and have difficulty performing tasks that we've done without difficulty before. When this occurs there can be a strong urge to use drugs again with a message from your brain like "I was better off while using, might as well start again". I read this book in early recovery "Staying sober" and it helped my tremendously, after having been trying to get clean and sober for 2 years, I finally got it, after reading this book (and going to meetings every day for years!) 

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

 

-- Edited by DeanC at 07:18, 2008-09-05

-- Edited by DeanC at 07:25, 2008-09-05

hi Jim , I'm Anthony and I'm an addict. welcome to MIP and congratulations on your conscience decision to stop using drugs. We are all addicts here and we can be an opinionated bunch. Remember we all started at the same place ( admitting we were powerless over our addictions and that our lives had become unmanageable ) God or HP willing we will all end up in the same place ( having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps ) We may all take slightly different paths in our personal journeys. Do not let those differences confuse you. You are the most important person here . All in this room care deeply about one another, and there are tens of thousands of rooms like this all over the world. You need never be alone again. We don't care how much you used or how often. We care only about what you want to do about your problem and how we can help.

Again congrats on your decision , Welcome home
Anthony G

IMIKENS

How are you today?

Hope you are doing better!

xox
Honey Bear

Dean....


'was feeling "too well too quickly"'

Actually a tad worried about that however not too much. I felt pretty crappy. However one of the things I have done is talk to folks, let them know what I am going through and why. All close friends as well as my boss/work. Partly because I want this thing out in the light where I figure I have the best chance to stay clean but also because I want not NOT ever go back and the more folks who I trust and are friends that know, the better chance I think I have as well.


My brother already talked to me about PAWS, linked me to a site that fully explains it, etc.   Not that knowing about it ahead of time will make it any less difficult, just that by not being surprised by it I'm hoping I will be less likely to believes its lies.



-- Edited by imikens at 18:52, 2008-09-06

Thanks Dean. Plan on making my family better as I can. I was about to take no detox medicine tonight as I am feeling pretty well, no craving, no cramps, if I could just stop wheezing! Even my daughter said, "Is that you wheezing?" Ha.... Thought "Hmm I wonder if....?" and did a Yahoo search. Well golly gee, wheezing one of the side effects.... Took 1/4 of the suboxone and wheezing has stopped. Sill could take a full pill but I'm trying to take as little as I can and manage the symptoms. Who woulda thought, wheezing......

imikens wrote:

---

..psychiatrist told us about patients using grams of heroine, scores of oxy, etc.,

....what in the world do THEY go through in detox? Man, gotta be hard. Easy to be proud of those folks here and their recovery.

---

It's a pure unadulterated hell that I really truly NEVER would like to experience again...and just for today, I never have to!!

Honey Bear....

Wanted to thank you for recommending the book "It Works, How and Why". It is exactly what I needed to be reading this weekend. As I read each sentence I found great encouragement even if it only normalizes what my feelings and self talk have been. I will be attending the NA meeting this Friday. Just could not get there before that. I worked through my brother, who lives quite some distance from me, in getting his advice, since he knew me which group did he know about that I should be attending, etc., and the one that meets Friday is the one he recommended.

I'll probably have the book finished by then.

Thanks again, quite an anchor in the storm this book is!

imikens wrote:

---

Honey Bear....

Wanted to thank you for recommending the book "It Works, How and Why". It is exactly what I needed to be reading this weekend. As I read each sentence I found great encouragement even if it only normalizes what my feelings and self talk have been. I will be attending the NA meeting this Friday. Just could not get there before that. I worked through my brother, who lives quite some distance from me, in getting his advice, since he knew me which group did he know about that I should be attending, etc., and the one that meets Friday is the one he recommended.

I'll probably have the book finished by then.

Thanks again, quite an anchor in the storm this book is!

---

Hey,

Its weird but for me its true.  On Friday I just didnt want to go to a meeting.  From 1-10  10 being no way Im not going I was at a 9.5  and struggled to drive there ect ect..The weird part is once I did get there I felt6 so much better.

What has really helped me it was written in the BLUE BOOK is  I am not responsibe for my disease but I am responsible for my recovery. 

I also learned that drugs and booze is a syptom of my disease.  This is a thinking disease.

I geuss my disease doesnt want me to get better.  Oh and I am an ADDICT so not thinking of drugs is abnormal,  but life is so much better being clean!

For me WHY oh WHY when I do something that feels great like exercise  or taking a walk I feel so much better yet I put it off? 

I started a diet that was about whole foods and eating as much as I wanted and THANK GOD I didnt cheat..Learning a new way of life....

I LOST 9 pounds this week and I feel fantastic!

xox
Honey Bear

I have sleep apnea and like a bonehead had forgotten my cpap has a humidifier chamber. Will get on that tonight.

Back to work today. I'm actually excited. One of the things about being transparent with work about what was going on last week I'm not trying to play any games nor maintain some "image" which then increases my anxiety. I'm looking forward to a good day.

Thanks again to everyone for their help.

Good morning Honey Bear.....

Took last vicodin 9/1/08 in the morning. How ever many days that is.

Also while I'm still in the phase of the detox med that I could take 1 whole pill twice a day yesterday I only took 1/2 pill total. Took 1/4 in the morning and another 1/4 about 4pm. Took it for the physical symptoms not craving. Which is very cool. I will not take any vicodin. Success is my only option. Have not taken any this morning. I see the detox doctor again Thursday and could be I won't need any more meds after that.

My NA meeting might change. I mentioned I am in the medical field and I have reported the vicodin issue as I am suppose to do. Want to do this the proper way. The state board has a program and I might, MAY have to, go to an "official" group. Not sure. I meet with the state board program folks Wednesday at 2 pm.

But going to an NA meeting is not changing. I am going to one of them.

imikens wrote:

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Good morning Honey Bear.....

Took last vicodin 9/1/08 in the morning. How ever many days that is.

Also while I'm still in the phase of the detox med that I could take 1 whole pill twice a day yesterday I only took 1/2 pill total. Took 1/4 in the morning and another 1/4 about 4pm. Took it for the physical symptoms not craving. Which is very cool. I will not take any vicodin. Success is my only option. Have not taken any this morning. I see the detox doctor again Thursday and could be I won't need any more meds after that.

My NA meeting might change. I mentioned I am in the medical field and I have reported the vicodin issue as I am suppose to do. Want to do this the proper way. The state board has a program and I might, MAY have to, go to an "official" group. Not sure. I meet with the state board program folks Wednesday at 2 pm.

But going to an NA meeting is not changing. I am going to one of them.

---

Please Please protect yourself.  You can get honest with your brother inlaw  and us here,  even  at meetings  NA but dont put your livelyhood in Jepordey.  There is HONEST  than there is honest and the second one could screw you cant it?

I pray for you daily that all will be well!
xox
Honey Bear

imikens wrote:

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Honey bear....

Thanks for your concern. My ability to perform a job not in jeopardy. One of the things about the way the self reporting thing is setup is that you do NOT lose your license/job. However I may have to do something different within my field and at my employer. So I'm not going to lose my income. I may just have to do something different. Would prefer not to. I like what I do.

In terms of my getting off the vicodin this is an opportunity to trust and let go. I will do whatever I must do. I am going to get the mind set that led to the vicodin abuse addressed and learn to think differently. I am not going to attempt to control any aspect of this recovery thing and then at the same time expect to fully recover. I will trust in God and move forward. I hope for a particular outcome but a particular outcome is not what is motivating me nor is that outcome a test to stay on course. I'm not going back to the vicodin if i don't get my way. Just because I may have to change what i do at the company I work for does not mean I have any right to reject being clean.

Meeting today at 2 pm. Won't be back home until later as after the meeting I am taking my family out to Red Robin for dinner. We are going to celebrate regardless of the course I will be taking.

By the way only 1/4 of the suboxone yesterday and have taken none today. I am WAY ahead of schedule on the medication to reduce the withdrawal symptoms. I may not need it after yesterday's 1/4. I still have about 8 whole pills left. I know its not a race. But at the same time I want to be off the suboxone as soon as possible. As with all meds, it has its own issues too and I'm not going to exchange one medication for another and call that being "clean".

---

You sound like you are A LOT further ahead than most newcombers..Also if you feel like you are getting depressed Dr Phil has a website www.dr phil.com for depression!

I am not promt/another website just something that has helped me.  I post there as "labelfree"

Great Luck today!

xox
Honey Bear

Hey....

They say in our rooms that booze and drugs were the sypmton of our problems and that we have a THINKING DISEASE. It is actually not normal for a drug addict not to think of drugs...

What I have learned to do is stop the tape in my head way before it even gets started.

The "tools" in our program are go to meetings, get a sponsor even if its a temp sponsor like your brother in law, get phone numbers.

It is usually men stick with men and woman stick with the woman recieving phone numbers...
(I think its to keep all parties honest with eachother.)

My husband and I are both in the program and if someone does call out of need they can get either one of us, they know we are happily married and neither of us care if we speak to a male or female.

Coming on here is a great tool for your tool box because if you cant get to a meeting you can find recovering addicts from all over the world and the weird part is WE ARE ALL THE SAME!~

Def. Your life is more than a Vic buzz/ You and your family deserve BLISS!~

xox
Honey Bear

I was using prescription vicodin for about 18 months straight ranging for at least 3 a day to sometimes 6. Toward the end most often 6 a day. Not a huge amount but still had some major withdrawals and need to address what it is about me that allowed me to go from needing them for shoulder surgery to just wanting them to feel better.

Wanted to update folks on my meeting today. Did not go well. The program is hardly helpful for folks like myself. I did nothing illegal. All my vicodin came from one doctor, I did not doctor shop, did not er shop, etc. I did not take illicit drugs. Did not take anyone else's drugs. Took my own legally prescribed drugs. I am not judging anyone, not trying to dismiss that I have issues that I need to address. Just stating the facts. The "program" offered by the state is very harsh. It is designed for folks who are doing some serious drugs and potentially being harmful to the public. Not once did I ever position a patient to be harmed by my action. In fact I have glowing reports and evals and patient testimonials about my conduct over the last few years. However the state program is setup so that basically I would have no income for 6 months. Its quite unhelpful and borders on being punitive.

I have spoken with my boss and my boss's boss today. They are totally supportive and we are working on a different plan. They are well aware of my excellent performance and the honesty I have brought to the table about this matter and share my feelings that the state program is excessive or harsh. The option I have with the state is to go through an "investigation". Which is fine as I've done nothing illegal, have put no one in the public at risk, have done a good job. I did something stupid and while I have stopped the vicodin and still need to figure out some things, do NA, etc., I do not belong unemployed for 6 months. I am not guilty of the kinds of things that require that harsh of a treatment program.

I have nothing to hide. I am not afraid of an investigation. I can work the entire time I am being investigated. I might have the option of seeing an addiction specialist right away for the investigation and I would like to do so. I want the context of this thing cleared up. Again am not judging anyone nor do I feel like I'm better than someone who has stolen drugs, etc.

No wonder folks just like me don't get help when they could early on and instead don't want to deal with the punitive nature of these "help" programs and by not getting help end up more addicted and in more pain and trouble than necessary.

imikens wrote:

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kris,

I went to a detox doctor after trying cold turkey for 2 days. Went on the third day. Started on suboxone and from the get go to taper it as the symptoms of the vicodin withdrawals lessened. For me I'm already off the suboxone. Took 1/4 tab yesterday, none today. I see the doctor again tomorrow and I no longer need the suboxone.

It really helped make getting off the vicodin more likely. If you haven't seen a detox doctor yet I encourage you to do so. I used this web site to locate one by me.

www.turntohelpnow.com

---

Keep doing a great job!~

Only YOU look at yourself day in and day out in the mirror!

xox
Honey Bear

I was popping a LOT more pills than you and weaned myself off them (but the withdrawals still sucked!)  But I didn't get addicted in a day, so I know I can't be recovered in a day either.  I WILL, however, look into help for that & check out that website.  The main problem I have with regard to rehab, detox, etc, is the fact that I don't have medical insurance (and a lot of doctors & hospitals tend to turn people like me down).  If you don't have insurance or a lot of money, you tend to get the door shut in your face (at least that's what has occurred with me in the past when I did attempt to get help before).  Doctors & rehab centers just turned away as soon as they heard me say "no insurance."

Luckily, however, the door to NA is ALWAYS open to ANYONE - and it's free!

Thanks so much!

~Kris

imikens wrote:

---

I was using prescription vicodin for about 18 months straight ranging for at least 3 a day to sometimes 6. Toward the end most often 6 a day. Not a huge amount but still had some major withdrawals and need to address what it is about me that allowed me to go from needing them for shoulder surgery to just wanting them to feel better.

Wanted to update folks on my meeting today. Did not go well. The program is hardly helpful for folks like myself. I did nothing illegal. All my vicodin came from one doctor, I did not doctor shop, did not er shop, etc. I did not take illicit drugs. Did not take anyone else's drugs. Took my own legally prescribed drugs. I am not judging anyone, not trying to dismiss that I have issues that I need to address. Just stating the facts. The "program" offered by the state is very harsh. It is designed for folks who are doing some serious drugs and potentially being harmful to the public. Not once did I ever position a patient to be harmed by my action. In fact I have glowing reports and evals and patient testimonials about my conduct over the last few years. However the state program is setup so that basically I would have no income for 6 months. Its quite unhelpful and borders on being punitive.

I have spoken with my boss and my boss's boss today. They are totally supportive and we are working on a different plan. They are well aware of my excellent performance and the honesty I have brought to the table about this matter and share my feelings that the state program is excessive or harsh. The option I have with the state is to go through an "investigation". Which is fine as I've done nothing illegal, have put no one in the public at risk, have done a good job. I did something stupid and while I have stopped the vicodin and still need to figure out some things, do NA, etc., I do not belong unemployed for 6 months. I am not guilty of the kinds of things that require that harsh of a treatment program.

I have nothing to hide. I am not afraid of an investigation. I can work the entire time I am being investigated. I might have the option of seeing an addiction specialist right away for the investigation and I would like to do so. I want the context of this thing cleared up. Again am not judging anyone nor do I feel like I'm better than someone who has stolen drugs, etc.

No wonder folks just like me don't get help when they could early on and instead don't want to deal with the punitive nature of these "help" programs and by not getting help end up more addicted and in more pain and trouble than necessary.

---

I do understand where you're coming from.  I was also taking Vicodin legally as it was prescribed by my doctor for pain conditions I was suffering from.  It does sound like you were slightly self-medicating though (I did the same thing - to a much higher degree).  But I do understand how you feel as far as getting them legally from a doctor who prescribed them to you.

My situation is different as I got hooked on them while they were prescribed to me and resorted to doctor shopping AND illegal activity to obtain more while you didn't do this.

There are a lot of people at my meetings who have done "harsher" drugs than I have, did time in prison, etc.  I may not be able to relate to the person who used to shoot up heroin since that's something I never did, but I CAN relate to how that person still craves his/her drug of choice.  Of course, people with similar "stories" are the ones who can be most beneficial and the ones you can relate to most.

You may need to attend other meetings if possible (in other areas).  Sometimes it's difficult to find that "home meeting" where there are other people that you CAN relate to.  For example, I can't relate to a lot of people in a certain meeting I attend as they're much younger than I am and mainly deal with the pressures of the "drug scene" in high school.  I also can't relate to some of the women my age who are mothers (since I'm not).  I can relate a LITTLE to some of the women who are wives (but I'm divorced now).  Mainly, the people I can relate to most are the ones who have been in a similar situation as myself though.  Usually, after I share some of my story at a meeting, other people will comment on how they went through the exact same thing.  It may not be the exact same "situation" or "story," but they'll tell me how they can relate to certain feelings I'm having & how they got through them.

I think the main thing to concentrate on should be yourself.  There's no need to compare.  You may not have everything in common with everyone else, but you also may have a little in common with various people.  You may feel the same type of "cravings" as someone else does (even though you didn't resort to illegal activity).  You may feel similar withdrawal symptoms as others.  You may find out that the root of your problem IS similar to someone who was shooting up & served time - who knows.  I definitely know how it feels to not "fit in" at some of the meetings and not be able to relate to anybody else's "story."  But you only need to focus on yourself & your own situation. 

There ARE people just like you - people who were prescribed medication for pain, a medical condition, injury, etc, - and then "something happened."  From my experience, the more meetings you go to & the more people you meet will result in being able to relate more with what others are going through (even if it's just one other person).  It CAN be difficult to find that person with that similar story - or even that meeting you feel comfortable in.  I can't speak for others, but I certainly didn't feel comfortable right away (and I've heard this from a lot of other people as well).  But they kept coming back (and coming back) and, eventually, they found something or someone they could relate to.  

I REALLY hope you ARE able to find a meeting where you'll feel more at "home."  That IS something that's both important & beneficial.

~Kris

-- Edited by KrisC at 01:31, 2008-09-12

State program is harsh.

The reaction to my being honest about needing help, getting help, the level of my abuse, was over reacted to. It is now out of my control and it is what it is. The range of drug abuse that is dealt with ANY drug abuse problem is reacted to the same way. While yes addiction is addiction, a one size fits all nuclear reaction to a person taking the initiative to get well may not be necessary and may actual be harmful. If the goal is to help, then figure out what is actually going on with a person and help them. Over reaction ends up harming folks and gives us just one more issue to deal with in recovery.

Now I am looking at a huge impact in terms of my employment. Very scary.

Stay focused and no matter what keep staying clean even if they close the door on you another window will open as long as you do what you need and want to do, it may eat you up inside that others decide against what you hoped but none the less stay on track Jim.