Narcotics Anonymous

Welcome to the Miracles In Progress Group of Narcotics Anonymous! This is not an official NA site, nor is it endorsed by the NA World Service Office.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> LIVING UNTIL WE DIE
Post Info TOPIC: LIVING UNTIL WE DIE
dan h


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 295
Date:
LIVING UNTIL WE DIE
Permalink  

It's no fun living in a rut. If you've been clean for a while, you probably know what I mean. Five days of work followed by two days off that are used to prepare for five more days of work. And so the weeks, seasons, and the years go by. Oh yes, I'm staying clean, going to meetings and working steps, even sponsoring others, but I look ahead toward the end of my life and see it RUSHING to meet me. It's a bit unnerving. Sometimes I wonder if I'm packing enough LIVING into my life, you know what I mean? When was the last time I really took a chance? When did I dare try something completely new and different? And more importantly, why haven't I? Could it be that same old self-centered fear that was my intimate companion during the using years? Could it be that I STILL fear rejection, loss, or just looking foolish? Could I still be listening when my disease tells me I don't deserve the things in life that others enjoy? Am I STILL settling for the limitations of the past?

I've never been to the ballet or an opera. I've never seen the city from a helicopter or a hot air balloon. There are literally hundreds of things I can think of that would translate into wonderful memories of recovery if I would just make a decision and take positive action towards that goal. I know that I could never do some of the things I think about, but that doesn't mean I can't do ANY of them! Too often I think "Someday..." and DO nothing.

Positive Action is a spiritual principle found in the steps and without it decisions are just thoughts and choices are just words. We decide and we choose with our ACTIONS. I'm not waiting for New Year's; starting today I resolve to take positive action to LIVE!

I survived active addiction. The text talks about how, today we are doing much more living than surviving. Death is looming and when it comes I hope it finds me... LIVING until I die.            Thanks for letting me rant.  Luv you guys!




-- Edited by dan h at 03:38, 2008-09-03

__________________

"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
Raman


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 3987
Date:
Permalink  

Nice share Dan...
Well,, I feel trapped by the car loans and the credit card purchases !!
They do keep us in the compulsive work cycle dont they ????
In fact,, Ive been conciously applying Principles found in the 6th Tradition in this context.
It says
",,,,,,,,lest problems of money,property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose !!"
In fact they do,,, not only from remembering that my top priority and primary purpose in life it to stay clean and acrry the message,,,, but also from living and enjoying life !!!

__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Honey Bear


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 125
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Dan,

The actual FEAR is what is keeping you from jumping in the deep end of the pool!

I say today just do one small act. Once you let it go all the other stuff will follow.

Replace your FEAR with FAITH in a higher power of your choosing that he/or she will never let you down.

Your higher power only gives you what you can handle in any 24 hour period!

xox
Honey Bear

__________________
Nikky


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 115
Date:
Permalink  

When I was locked up, I could not DO, but I could BE as happy as possible....dont gotta be human doings but human beings.  however, in high school we had to read a play called Our Town.....bottom line:  Today, yes, is Christmas, today, yes, is New Year's Eve.  My husband is content as a human being, but I crave something as simple as walking the back roads.  If it were my last day....

Peace!

__________________

I think people are full of guile.....I enjoy that.
mrwinkie


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 170
Date:
Permalink  

hey dan,  Its how you look at it .  What if you have seen the city from a helicopter ? what if you had rode a hot air balloon over the best fall season in years. What if you paddled a surfboard into waves that were 4 stories high with only you and your best friends in the water ? What if you watched your kids win national championships in their chosen sports ? What if you had hiked Hawaiian trails dotted with ancient burial grounds and cooled off in the rain forest under 100 foot waterfalls ? And what if you did all that wasted ?

Ive done all that while using. So where do i go from here ? Today i rejoice in the rut . I assure you friend , a clean boring life is better than an exciting drugged life.

If it is fear that holds you back , its certainly something you can overcome. As users we ( me ) were never afraid to take a chance. we did it daily or several times a day for years.

In closing , take that balloon ride , it is guaranteed to sooth and excite

Anthony G

-- Edited by mrwinkie at 07:39, 2008-09-03

__________________

" If  you have  built  castles  in  the  air , your  work  need  not  be  lost ; that  is  where  they  should  be . Now put  the  foundations  under  them . "

         Henry David  Thoreau
BigV


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 3718
Date:
Permalink  

I find something I love doing and jump in to my neck, my gold prospecting has been so much fun and misery LOL honestly this last 2 years i've been doing this have been the best of times for me. I get  to get outside and enjoy nature, the rivers and the forest which before I wasn't all that thrilled about I am more of a sea/ocena person but this has given me a whole new perspective on the mountains.


Sometimes it takes every dime just about that I have i haven't been able to afford real good new equipment and have pretty much rebuit 2 older gold dredges but I have made a lot of friends, found gold, gotten out on weekends and gotten peace of mind, relaxed and general had what I consider memorable times and good times none of which even the worst day do I regret.


I just hope my health holds up and the laws dont change on us, enviro nuts hate us and are trying to stop dredging every year since the 60's twice now our governor has had to choose whether to allow us to keep going and that is just in the last 1-1/2 years, we are waiting right now for a rider that is in the california budget to stop us from getting our dredge permitts to be vetoed or removed by the governor this could end my hobbie if he lets it go through.

Anyhow if you can get out and do it DO IT enjoy life make being clean worth every day...

__________________
It's all about spirituality...
DeanC


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 769
Date:
RE: LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST UNTIL it's time to go to the next place
Permalink  

Hey Dan,
Here's a little story from my first year. I was getting my **** together to start my own business, building decks (which I'm still doing 20 years later). Building them was the easy part, I needed to learn how to start, run, grow a business, sell, manage people, create and motivate. I didn't know any of that stuff and I was pretty much a terrible employee and a high school drop out, drug addict, and a drunk.

So I'd heard about so many of the programs that I could use like Tony Robins success formula... Zig Zigler, Dale Carneige.... but I was too poor or to cheap to buy those tapes and videos for myself. So I'm out in southern california visiting one of my childhood friends (like my older brother) for a couple weeks. I'm going to the south bay alano club, up the street, for the 7am meetings everday meeting cool people in the sports and movie industies.

One morning I was praying and meditating, before leaving to walk up to the alano club and I was asking my higher power for guidence and help with getting this new business together. Ask him for people to be put in front of me to teach the stuff that I needed to know. After I finished I was sorta talking to myself and I said "God I wish that I could find some of these motivational tapes to borrow from someone who's not using them". Now I've come to understand that my higher power is like a good friend, who's always with me, hears me talking to myself even. You know that you got a good friend when they hear you talking about something that you need, and the next thing you know you've got a present.

So I was walking back from the club after the morning meeting and just before I got to my friends door, I looked down and I saw a box neatly filled with cassete and video tapes lying on the ground. I heard the trash truck coming up behind me and assumed that they were put out for the trash. Well I picked the box up, but i still didn't get it, thinking that I could use the tapes to record music over. When I took them inside and pulled them out, to my surprise and joy, the tapes were everything that I'd been looking for. Motivational, sales, time management, bookeeping, public speaking, estimating, client prospecting, and a really cool motivational tape called "pyscho-cybernetics for winners". The best one of all and it was all about Goal Setting! I had heard about writing goals down and reviewing them regularly, but this took it to a new level explaining how we "have a automatic goal seeking mechanism in our brain" that drives us toward the goal, figuring out (even in our sleep) the what, where, and when of it all.

Ok so I feel your eyes glazing over here crew. I tried these techniques and they really worked for me, for all phases of my life, including relationships, hobies, vacations, projects for the house, and spiritual goals as well. Every January I write 5 sets of goals and 2 budgets. So what I'm trying to say here Dan is write those recreational goals in the present tense. Yes because you deserve them. "I am going on a helocopter ride", "I am going on a ballon ride".... what'll happen next will amaze you. You'll find yourself surfing the internet with your calendar making dates. Life is short get out a live life to the fullest. Try this one "And a very nice lady is going to go with me" biggrinsmile.gif

Dean

-- Edited by DeanC at 08:09, 2008-09-04

__________________


BigV


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 3718
Date:
RE: LIVING UNTIL WE DIE
Permalink  

Great story Dean your truly blessed.

A few years ago I finally made the jump and got my license it was a goal I had set after relapsing and I told myself i would no longer put off what needed doing.

NO ONE thought I could do it not even my family I saved my money and got into a class that helps pass the test over $500, I spent 2-3 hours a night studying and I even got a tutor to help me with math, I applied and payed the fees for the test another $300 or so . On test day I was late by about 10 minutes ( couldn't find the spot freaken out like crazy ) and I got the last seat that was left.

I was the first one done with the first part of the test and passed and the first one done with the second part of the test, I was sweating bullets thinking I failed that 2nd part but nope I passed I swear to GOD I couldn't believe it, this kid that failed almost every class I ever took but bird watching, dropped out of high school ( got GED) loser dope feind passed a state exam ( painting exam is the easiest dont have to know any codes cause there aren't any LOL ) I can say I was so so so proud of myself.

I'm not big time i'm a small fry but I have built some contracts and followed threw with the work to detail I have some regular customers and people who do word of mouth for me i dont get a lot of business but its ok I am learning slowly one thing I do is go by the book on all my projects and I have never had a complaint.

One other thing that happened during the course of getting my license the FBI held me up for 6 months on my back ground check and finger printing and i had to make a lot of calls and stay very calm though all of that I wanted to go off so so bad because no one was helping me , it was a test but I got past that too.

I also have been totally blessed with the most amazing gal this last year, we just celebrated 1 year together that poor girl has gone through what others couldn't or wouldn't LOL but she says she sees good in me and she knows that I try my best with her and she respects me working on my recovery and supports it, I couldn't be blessed with anyone better I dont believe that she exists.


Thanks for sharing everyone good thread

__________________
It's all about spirituality...
dan h


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 295
Date:
Permalink  

Thanks, Everyone, for all the posts and encouragement. I did wake up today and instead of sitting in front of the tv thinking about doing something, I went or a walk and toured Indianapolis' new Central Library, a $150M, $50M over budget behemoth with every ultra modern convenience including a coffee shop, patio, atrium, computer lab, on and on and on... I had such a great time, tomorrow, on my day off, I'm visiting the Eiteljorg Museum of American Indians! I sat down and in just a few minutes listed a dozen places I can visit within walking distance of my home (I live in downtown Indy). Anyway, thanks again for all the posts and good suggetions. Luv ya'll! I'll keep you "posted" on my activities!

__________________

"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
ItsAllGolden


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 136
Date:
Permalink  

Right now, I'm post-decision. Part of my reason for making this decision to act is due to the fact that something keeping me from doing this decision was fear (and guilt).

Thinking back about my life, so many times fear has stopped me from doing things, but then I thought about when I was 18 and afraid of heights and went sky diving to overcome my fear. What a rush it was to fall out of the plane, and how the land looked on the float down - like a wonderous patchwork quilt.

And I thought back to being 5 and 1/2 months clean and needing to make a decision to overcome my fear to run a restaurant. I overlooked my fear and TRIED. Granted 19 months later the business wasn't for me, but I did my best, had fun and learned a lot.

Now, I've decided to uproot my life and move to the south. Why?? There are a ton of reasons, but it boils down to: I think that's where my HP wants me. This may turn out to be a huge mistake, it may end badly with me coming home miserable and brokenhearted, but what have I got to lose?? Not much. I don't plan on losing my friends or family, so that leaves my job - while I like it, I make next to nothing so it's not a good "career" choice.

I got to thinking about the "when" part - when should I go, how should I plan, what should I do...I decided now is as good of a time as any~! So I'm leaving a week from today to travel 12 hours south. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm excited, I'm hopeful, I'm faithful that no matter what I'll be okay, and most important, since I've made this decision - I'm peaceful.

Today I am unafraid. I am not allowing the couple of people that don't like the idea stop me. There are 4 times as many people that are so happy all they did was smile when I told them. All these people love me, regardless of their opinions, and I know whether I succeed or fail, they will still love me. It feels really right. It feels really good. I believe in something today - myself - and that's a pretty new feeling for me.

__________________
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde~
DeanC


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 769
Date:
Permalink  

Hey Dan,

get some tickets to the Moto GP (grand prix motorcycle race) coming to the brickyard September 14th. http://www.motogp.com/. There is a firce battle between Casey Stoner #27(<--no kidding lol) and Valintino Rossi #46 (7 time world champ) for the championship. these are the guys that race all over the world, and for many years did not come to the US (the tracks weren't safe enough for 200+ mph bikes weirdface ) A rare opportunity. I traveled to Monterey Ca. to Laguna Seca speedway last summer to watch. A goal of about 15 years was realized, along with driving the north cali coast, in a convertible, through the redwoods national forest. wink

http://www.motorcycle-usa.com/Photos/Stoner_Rossi.jpg


-- Edited by DeanC at 08:23, 2008-09-04

__________________


Honey Bear


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 125
Date:
Permalink  

ItsAllGolden wrote:

Right now, I'm post-decision. Part of my reason for making this decision to act is due to the fact that something keeping me from doing this decision was fear (and guilt).

Thinking back about my life, so many times fear has stopped me from doing things, but then I thought about when I was 18 and afraid of heights and went sky diving to overcome my fear. What a rush it was to fall out of the plane, and how the land looked on the float down - like a wonderous patchwork quilt.

And I thought back to being 5 and 1/2 months clean and needing to make a decision to overcome my fear to run a restaurant. I overlooked my fear and TRIED. Granted 19 months later the business wasn't for me, but I did my best, had fun and learned a lot.

Now, I've decided to uproot my life and move to the south. Why?? There are a ton of reasons, but it boils down to: I think that's where my HP wants me. This may turn out to be a huge mistake, it may end badly with me coming home miserable and brokenhearted, but what have I got to lose?? Not much. I don't plan on losing my friends or family, so that leaves my job - while I like it, I make next to nothing so it's not a good "career" choice.

I got to thinking about the "when" part - when should I go, how should I plan, what should I do...I decided now is as good of a time as any~! So I'm leaving a week from today to travel 12 hours south. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm excited, I'm hopeful, I'm faithful that no matter what I'll be okay, and most important, since I've made this decision - I'm peaceful.

Today I am unafraid. I am not allowing the couple of people that don't like the idea stop me. There are 4 times as many people that are so happy all they did was smile when I told them. All these people love me, regardless of their opinions, and I know whether I succeed or fail, they will still love me. It feels really right. It feels really good. I believe in something today - myself - and that's a pretty new feeling for me.


But girl are you going to TAR HOLLOW?

xox
Honey Bear



__________________
DeanC


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 769
Date:
Permalink  

Honey Bear wrote:

 

ItsAllGolden wrote:


 So I'm leaving a week from today to travel 12 hours south. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm excited, I'm hopeful, I'm faithful that no matter what I'll be okay, and most important, since I've made this decision - I'm peaceful.

But girl are you going to TAR HOLLOW?

xox
Honey Bear

 


hmm...12 hours isn't enough time to drive to FL from Ohio, must be going to GA, AL, MS, LA , or TX.   welcome to the Gulf coast!  smile

 



__________________


ItsAllGolden


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 136
Date:
Permalink  

Good guess Dean...LOL...I'm going to Georgia~!

I don't think I'll be going to Tar Hallow now Honey Bear...sorry. But definately go, it's a great time~!!!!

__________________
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde~
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> LIVING UNTIL WE DIE
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us