I wrote this "poem" between 30 to 60 days clean. Just recently found where I had it stored on my computer. Coming up on my three year anniversary in a month and a halfish...just a trip down memory lane for me, and I thought I'd share it...it's auto-biographical.
There is an addict; her name is anonymity
She suffers in silence and doesn't know what to do.
She feels unique, one of the very few.
She sits and waits for her life to correct,
But it doesn't happen that way for her, she recollects.
She waits for her pain to end, for her life to blink away.
She no longer wants to live, but feels compelled to stay.
She feeds her soul with drugs and protects herself with fists
Not knowing with each use a piece of herself ceases to exist.
She lives in a fuzzy reality.
She thinks it is a fantasy.
Truly she has forgotten how to dream.
She does not know how to help herself, and plans her next scheme.
She dies a little each day.
Meanwhile her hope is chipping away.
She continues to progress, with no hope in sight.
If only she knew she didn't have to fight.
She is becoming completely beat.
Life has become a tangled web of lies and deceit.
Until one day she realizes, life is more.
It's the first thought she's had that she can be for sure.
Life holds things, but what? She does not know.
She hides her tears away and wallows in her woe.
She feels like a failure and doesn't know how to survive.
She reaches out, one time.
Her pleas of despair are not met with scoff or even disbelief.
What a welcomed retreat.
She is loved and received.
She goes to where the winners are found.
Those that have been to the pits of despair, give her their hands and lift her off the ground.
Reaching out, she is so fearful.
She looks at people through eyes that are tear-filled.
What will become of her?
How can she possibly live?
She opens herself to the idea that she doesn't know.
She listens, and sees in the eyes of those next to her, a certain glow.
She finally realizes that she is not alone.
Anonymity has found her home.
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"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde~
Thats fab Golden,, I enjoyed reading it. Also got me in touch again with feelings. Sometimes under the guise of acceptance we let things be as they are. In fact if that didnt lead to resentment it would be ok. Its only when I take affiramtive,asertive action will i actually be free from resentment and the grouch. I proved to me I could do it last nite. I expressed hurt feelings to some people last niight without any thought of how theyd react. But it did pay off when they apologised . They also had to endure my 5 minute lecture on proper behaviour in the hospitality industry ,,,hahaha !!! Tyanks for letting me share convictions ! Hugs and keep c0ming back !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
All i can say is WOW!! and that brought tears to my eyes cause I can relate big time I really felt that poem.
In the begining we can be very lost, in time we start finding our way around life better, then we start feeling some what whole but some days I feel just like a beginner all over again and its back to basic.
Congratualtions on your coming 3 year anniversary, may you have many more
Thanks everyone. My emotions are fairly raw right now due to my life circumstances. I searched out that poem to remind myself how it was when I got here...cuz I don't want to use today. In order to keep from using today, I need to remember exactly where I came from...and I came from a hell only we can ever know. And just for today, I never have to go back there.
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"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde~
Thanks, Goldie. I was particularly struck by the lines about living in a fuzzy reality that I THOUGHT was living my fantasy. In reality, I didn't even know how to dream anymore. That was beautiful. Thanks, again.
-- Edited by dan h at 17:39, 2008-08-31
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
Goldie, you're just absolutely beautiful, pain and all. I'm so glad you're here. It makes my whole day knowing there are people who KNOW what I've been through. I used to be so freakin alone.
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I think people are full of guile.....I enjoy that.
