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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Pain
Post Info TOPIC: Pain
kitizzy


Senior Member

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Posts: 131
Date:
Pain
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I finally stopped using. I took my last pills at 8 am yesterday. By 6 pm last night, my bones started to feel like glass. I fet a little shitty, I thought well if this is as bad as it gets....
3:08pm : I woke up and did not feel a lot of physical pain....till I started to move that is. then I started to feel. Fuck do I feel. Not only does my body hurt now, my soul hurts too.
I reached out...something new to me, and called an addict in recovery. She is on year clean.
I told her that I was detoxing at home....I am a single mom, nowhere for my daughter to go if I check in.
She offered to take my daughter for a week, for me to go to a facility. She even called the place to get me a bed for the morning. The detox people told her that it is too dangerous for me to stop at home and that if I was over 24 hours that I needed to take some codiene to keep my body from going into shock.
I have to say that since I wole up this morning, that the hours have gotten progressivily worse.my body is starting to spasm, every muscle feels like it is in a vice andI cannot decide if  I am hot or cold. I think that I am both.
I am so used to not feeling, this is the hardest thing I have ever done.

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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
dan h


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Hi Kathleen,
I don't have any profound insights that are going to make it all better, but I wanted to tell you whatever it takes, it's worth it! The clean life I've found in NA is more than just a life without drugs, today I'm SPIRITUALLY clean for the first time in my life. At age 55 I've finally found a way of life that is what I have been searching for all my life. I've been clean from drugs a little over 5 years now, and looking back, I would gladly go through all the s**t I went through AGAIN if I knew this was waiting for me on the other side. Hold on Kathleen, when you get here you will feel the same. It may seem almost impossible now, but if others can do it, so can you. We love you and need you, if fact, we've been waiting for you. jJoin us in this way and you will not regret it. It starts with just making it through the next 5 minutes, then the next, then the next. You can do it. You are breaking those chains that have held you in bondage for way too long, and it will all be worth whatever you are going through. Just hold on!! Be encouraged, you are not alone. Dan H.

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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
kitizzy


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Thank you Dan,

I have know for a long time that I lived in hell that was created by me.
My only thoughts right now is if I can do this, I can do anything, and my if I get even half of the peace at the end of this instead of this pain, that I will die a happy woman.
gotta go lie down before I fall down.
See you on the other side.
kathleen

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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
dan h


Senior Member

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Hi Kathleen, just checking in. How ya doing? Do you have some chocolate around, I hear it helps sometimes. I know how confused and miserable you are right now, but it will be soooo much better in a few days, you just HAVE to hold on. The only way to get through this is to GO through it. You can do it. I'll be checking back in with you in a while. Hang in there. Big Hugs, Dan

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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
BigV


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXgr3wgG9qc&feature=related


So long, someone is waiting
I got places to go, I got things to see
No more procrastinating
For this is the moment that was meant for me
And I'm moving like a wave on the ocean
Drifting to the opposite ride
Traveling with no destination
Just riding the tide

People they say that I'm foolish
They say that I'm living in a fantasy
I say, everything's easy
It's better than living in futility
So, I'm standing here in back of the curtain
Waiting for the start of the show
Acting like an actor is easy
If you can let go

Someday something will find you
A magical feeling you could not foresee
A feeling so devastating
From that moment on your life's a comedy
And suddenly you're light as a feather
You're falling like a leaf from a tree
The things you thought you needed are fading
Your reason to be
Your reason to be
Your reason to be
Your reason to be
Your reason to be

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It's all about spirituality...
Nikky


Senior Member

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Posts: 115
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Listen to your inner guide and do what's right for you

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I think people are full of guile.....I enjoy that.
kitizzy


Senior Member

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Posts: 131
Date:
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Thank you so much for all of the thoughts. It really meant a lot to me to wake up to see it this morning.
I was feeling a little apprehensive when I opened my eyes this morning at 6am. I came here and got just what I needed to hear to carry on with my quest.
I printed this thread off and I am taking it with me, for a few extra words of inspiration when I need them. I know I WILL need them.
I am leaving in a hour to detox.
I will be back on Friday.


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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
mrwinkie


Senior Member

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Posts: 170
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good luck kathleen. see you on the other side. by the time you get this the worst may be over. if its any comfort to you. you have re-instilled in me something i never have to feel again..thank you. anthonyg

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" If  you have  built  castles  in  the  air , your  work  need  not  be  lost ; that  is  where  they  should  be . Now put  the  foundations  under  them . "

         Henry David  Thoreau
Raman


Guru

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"pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress" someone once said.
Behind most pain they say is a character defect.
As of now my stomach is in pain again after about a week.
Im trying to reckon if this because of overeating,lack of sleep or a particular sexual conduct !
Once I find that out I will hopefully be able to turn that over ,,,just for today and be free of that pain.
The pain of letting go will be better than the pain of holding on to that defect !

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
kitizzy


Senior Member

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Posts: 131
Date:
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Thank you all for all you words of support. I am back, and a feel much better....now to start the road to recovery....90 meetings in 90 days....
I am 7 days clean today. I got home, had to start to clean up messes, amazing what can happen in a week....I got all sweaty, and hot and really emotional.....BUT I did NOT pick up!!!
I am off to a noon meeting tomorrow.
I have met the addict inside of me, and I am learning my advasary. on moment at a time...

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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
rocky


Senior Member

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Posts: 265
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i know what you are goi ng thru belive me i have had 2 knee replacements and broken back shoulders and to muck other stuff to list if you havent been to detox yet you probably shou ther are other ways to help handle pain chronic pain without narcs i have done it myself i tried to detox myself and almost killed myself you have to have med support end of story if someone will take your kid go you sober is worth more to her in the long run than you dead so please go to detox and work the program you are worth it
smile

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 some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will  be a winner
rocky


Senior Member

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i didnt see your new post cool and welcome we do care about our own and others will helpbiggrin

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 some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will  be a winner
kitizzy


Senior Member

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Posts: 131
Date:
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Thanks Rocky, you were right it was impossible to do it at home. I was pretty sick.
I am so grateful for my recovery friend. She is a living example of how NA works.

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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
vwgirl


Member

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Posts: 7
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So what do you do when nothing else works except narcotics? Kill yoursef? Because truthfully I am praying for some type of terminal diagnosis or a fatal car accident because I cannot have a headache every day for four years. No amount of Step Work or meetings is going to fix this. I cannot enjoy a damn thing. My husband views me as a burden. My friends are sick of me. My kids are growing up without me. I know this is not a punishment from God, but I cannot feel God anymore because I am so wrapped up in pain.



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To Far Gone


Veteran Member

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Posts: 73
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No Drugs

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vwgirl


Member

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I sincerely hope that by that you mean "don't get high."



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